To think 42 is too old for a baby?

[UnknownClam]

Posting under a NC for this as I know it might be controversial, but I need to get this off my chest.

A friend of mine has just announced she’s TTC at 42. She already has two DC (youngest is 10) and has suddenly decided she “really wants one last baby.” I know it’s her life, her choice, but I can’t help but feel like it’s too old.

I had my last DC at 38, and even then, I found the sleepless nights brutal. I can’t imagine doing it in my 40s. Also, by the time the child is a teen, she’ll be in her late 50s! And I hate to say it, but the risks of pregnancy complications and things like Down’s syndrome are much higher at that age.

She asked me what I thought, and I just smiled and said, “That’s exciting!” because I didn’t want to be rude. But deep down, I feel like it’s a bit selfish. AIBU? Would love to hear from anyone who had a baby in their 40s how was it?

Be gentle! Not trying to be a cow, just genuinely wondering if I’m the only one who feels this way.

I quite like the idea of one at that age. Being older, more stable, having more money, and only having one instead of juggling multiple kids.

My auntie had her first baby at 41 and her second at 44, she always seemed to have plenty energy for them but sadly she didn’t live past them turning 12 and 15 because she got terminal cancer.

The judgement on this thread is appalling. You cannot speak for everyone. In my 20's I was in a much worse state than I am in my 30's both mentally, physically and financially. My child has a much better mum and life because I waited until I was in a better place.

I know people who had kids in their 20's. Now 10 years on they're not the best parents tbh because they want to do all the things they felt they missed out on. Everyone's situation is different!

That's ever so sad. Unfortunately you're not guaranteed your parents to live to an old age no matter when you were born.

Could not have said this any better

I have children in education and am in my 60s. It isn’t brutal. I have nothing to compare it with so it just normal to us.

All the judgement on here is nasty. You’re literally insulting older mothers. Many who have taken the time to post about their experiences.

As I said earlier, many people in their early to mid 40s are not stable financially. Often no more stable than someone in their late 20s.

How sad. I am sorry to hear that.

You will get people coming on here though, and saying that could have happened at any age. It is more likely to happen the older you get though. (Statistically.)

There is no more insulting of older mothers on this thread than there is insulting of young mums.

HTH.

In my experience women who have had kids younger will say they think having them older is a bad idea. And women who have had their children later in life will say it’s absolutely fine. It’s always about perspective. Most things are.

Silently judging your friend is about you though, not her. Have you considered why this bothers you?

I'm 42 and we're TTC number 2, ds is 15 months, he was a great baby, and so far is a great toddler, he sleeps 12hrs minimum at night, I'm fully aware we may not get quite so lucky with #2 but dh more than pulls his weight, we're in it together and I have no doubts it'll all be ok.

My mother was an orphan by 28 and her parents had her relatively young. It’s absolutely ridiculous to have a child based on what age grandparents are or what they are doing.

But it's relatively rare to lose both parents at the age of 28. Your mother's situation is not the norm.

my friend had her first at 18 and is completely estranged from her mother doesn’t talk to her at all. I had no grandparents growing up and it didn’t matter to me at all. My dh doesn’t talk to his grandparents because they are abusive horrible people. Grandparents aren’t the be all and end all. That’s my point.

@Neetra30 my parents are great but I wasn’t going to rush into having a child at an unsuitable time in my life just so my child had more time with them. That’s lunacy

@BatchCookBabe thank you, it was very sad. I was the same age as my younger cousin when she died.

I’m sure you’re right, I will get people coming on saying that - I probably shouldn’t have added that bit in, it wasn’t meant to be connected to her age having the babies, just a side note.

My friend fell pregnant with an accidental third when she was 40, but then surprise surprise, it was actually twins haha she became a mam of 4 in her 40s and is smashing life 💪

HTH …..ah we get to the classic MN put down,

if you don’t think this thread is full of women telling older mums how they are going to orphan their kids, or embarrass them or expect them to be carers etc, then you haven’t been reading it properly. HTH.

If only more posters, including the OP, could have such a mature attitude.

It's absolutely fine to decide against something for your self for whatever reason. It's not ok to force your opinions onto others and be so critical and judgemental of other people's life choices.

I suspect @BlondiePortz is one of those MNers who think anyone over 40 can only get around on a mobility scooter, after they've squeezed themselves into their compression stockings and orthopaedic shoes.

I'm 42 and having my second baby girl TOMORROW 🩷

And guess what...... I chose it this way!

Nothing at all against all the wonderful mums who had kids in their teens and 20's but that just wasn't for me and my personal situation at that time.

May we all make the best choices for ourselves and our children and strive to be the best parents we can be, whatever our age x

Don’t jinx it. My first was a great sleeper. My second didn’t sleep through the night until 3.5.

I was 22 and coped with it fine. Now ages 39 I would probably die 😂. Ok, that’s dramatic but I’m not even going to pretend that I’m as good without sleep now as I was then despite being incredibly fit and active.

If you read peoples posts no one thinks over 40s need mobility scooters.

In fact most acknowledge that most people feel pretty fit and well in their early to mind 40s. They just think that the health issues which are fairly common and tend to creep in in your 50s and 60s are too much of a gamble to possibly risk still having dependents at this time.

Everyone will have different experiences and perspectives. But statistically you are more likely to get cancer, for example, in your 50s than your 30s etc. pretending you’re not is just silly. But people have different family history’s etc so everyone will feel different about that gamble.

its just as valid to not want to be an older parent due to these risks as it is not not want to be a younger one due to finances and possible immaturity. Though it’s never viewed the same on here (probably because mumsnet is heavily populated with career women older mothers).

No. But I’m 31 with an 11 year old and a 4 year old and working full time and I’m knackered. Wouldn’t want to do that in my 40’s.