DH walking ahead

[Angelofmycoins]

Been married for 16 year and I'd say for the 17 years I've know DH he has always walked ahead of me in public and not looked back to see if I'm still with him.

Theatre (tonight's experience), airport, train station, town.... he will very, very occasionally come on a dog walk and then we chat and stroll. But otherwise, its just me scurrying along trying not to loose him and looking at his back. He's about 6 paces in front and he never looks back.

If I get next to him, he'll cross the road at no given notice, nip into gaps between people trying to get in front of them. Then i can't follow without pushing them out of the way, and I've lost him again.

I really hate it, I can't chat to him, ask if I can pop in to a coffee shop, anything. Sometimes I don't even know what he's heading for.

I do have form for being unreasonable (according to him, its my default mode!). But on this..... how many would put up with this habitual walking ahead and leaving wife scurrying behind trying not to be left?

My dad always did this when we were out as a family. It used to drive my mum insane. I wasn't bothered - after a while I decided he would be on the frontline if he came up against a landmine. In a way, he was protecting us

My DSs father did this whilst I was pushed my DS as a baby. Apart from everything else he did to us this clearly signalled contempt and he didn't want to be seen with us. He, waste of oxygen, didn't want to be seen with US. It had never happened to me before (or since).

If you stay I wouldn't go anywhere with him because you are not really anyway.

Reading so many of you having dps who do this. Why haven't you challenged them over thre years? It's such a sign of disrespect and you've let it go on long enough it's become an established behaviour. Is that all you expect in life, to be trailing behind your dh as he can't just modify his pace to be gentlemanly? Fgs, I'm mad at everyone who's putting up with this ! It's 2025.

OP this is an issue for me too! My boyfriend is much taller than me, has much longer legs and strides ahead of me all the time. We’ll go for a nice day out somewhere like York or the Lakes, or even abroad or n European city breaks and I feel like I’m constantly trotting along to keep up with him, getting breathless 🤣 drives me mad. When I tell him to slow down he does, but it’s only a few mins before he’s leading ahead again. I am really aware of the fact we aren’t actually together, having mindless chit chat as we walk, but he just has no awareness!

My husband does this too. No matter how many times I tell him. My God, I thought I was the only one. I can’t believe how many people are posting that this happens to them as well.

All of those who have been told it is because of pace size, do you not have taller or shorter friends? My friends never do this to me, just men. Not just tall ones either.

My husband did when we first got together. I told him I found it disrespectful and I’d never trail behind someone like I don’t matter.

When he did it again, I stopped walking. He’d get a few steps ahead, then realise I wasn’t with him and have to double back. It didn’t take long before he stopped doing it altogether.

You don’t have to follow.

Insist on carrying the tickets yourself or refuse to go.

Then he can get to places as early as he likes but he'll have to wait for you to arrive.

My best friend of 40 years standing is female and 6'. I am 5'4. Her husband and children are all six foot something. She us used to walking more quickly. She never ever does this when we are together. My mither is 4 '10 and 86. I slow my pace to walk next to her. It's basic respect

Take your ticket and leave home to get to the venue at a comfortable pace for you. Meet him there. If he complains explain that his pace is unpleasant for you and therefore it’s better you travel separately. If he complains again ask him if he cares how you feel ?

• If he says yes, explain again that walking at his pace is impossible and scurrying behind is uncomfortable and unpleasant. As a person who cares about you, he wouldn’t want that surely.
• if he answers no…..

FFS 🙄

Good advice thanks you

The issue is he is always late leaving our house. So it is a rush along.

I think ita undiagnosed anxiety rather than undiagnosed autism. We had marriage guidance and she said she picked up on his anxiety from session one, but he totally denies it.

He wouldn't realise. He has also got angry with me in public before which is fuckign humiliating and women always stare at me.

Once was at the national theatre when we queued for refreshments and then they had no sandwiches. I said I wanted some from.another kiosk and he literally shouted at me.

I'm not sure your husband was doing the same thing, if he noticed you had stopped. Or if when you had stopped there was any way of speaking to him. Sounds not the same, but well done for training your dog.

Why are you with him? I don't understand why you've put up with this shit for the best part of two decades? Do you not think you deserve a man who doesn't humiliate you in public?

My exh used to do similar rushing off leaving me with my little short legs to try to keep up. Current DH much more considerate and walks with me holding my hand and carrying any shopping I buy. It's one of the things I love about him.

I know everyone deserves that. But i don't believe it about myself if that makes sense

Objective

You need to get yourself into therapy and realise you're in abusive marriage.

This is abusive. As is not allowing you access to money. Do you have children with him? If not there’s nothing to stop you walking away. If you do it’s obviously more complicated. It’s all very well him being anxious, but his treatment of you is completely unacceptable. By all means give him a chance to change, but do you really want to spend your life feeling like this?

I'm therapy .
We had marriage counselling but honestly I couldn't handle when he butted heads with the (female) counsellor.

I do get an allowance for myself.

You shouldn't be in marriage counselling with an abusive man.

You need to find a way to end this "marriage". He is controlling and incredibly unpleasant. Don't waste another two decades running along behind him while he humiliates you and calls all the shots.

Allowances are for children, not wives.

An allowance?! 😮. You’re his wife and his equal. He shouldn’t be giving you an allowance, you should have access to all finances. Unless you have a history of irresponsible spending which is is a different matter.

You haven’t said if you have children?

gasp