DH walking ahead

[Angelofmycoins]

Been married for 16 year and I'd say for the 17 years I've know DH he has always walked ahead of me in public and not looked back to see if I'm still with him.

Theatre (tonight's experience), airport, train station, town.... he will very, very occasionally come on a dog walk and then we chat and stroll. But otherwise, its just me scurrying along trying not to loose him and looking at his back. He's about 6 paces in front and he never looks back.

If I get next to him, he'll cross the road at no given notice, nip into gaps between people trying to get in front of them. Then i can't follow without pushing them out of the way, and I've lost him again.

I really hate it, I can't chat to him, ask if I can pop in to a coffee shop, anything. Sometimes I don't even know what he's heading for.

I do have form for being unreasonable (according to him, its my default mode!). But on this..... how many would put up with this habitual walking ahead and leaving wife scurrying behind trying not to be left?

My ex did this. Rude fucker. I put it down to his disregard for me and desire to seem publicly disdainful of my feelings or very existence! Cannot believe I used to scuttle behind him trying to chat with him and keep up like a dick.

I remember! I got into a spat with someone who thought the OP should speed up.

20 minutes?!

😮

These guys are something else aren’t they??

Pretty simple : I would turn on my heels and go do my thing. Don’t let him treat you like this . I would hazard a guess that he is not a nice person to live with.

My dh does this. So now I do one of 2 things I either hold his hand or arm in arm which instantly prevents him from going ahead or I stop where I am. I just stop. He soon notices goes back and apologizes

My autistic husband doesn't do it.....because he's autistic, not an abusive narcissistic arsehole.

Typical narcissistic behaviour. Next time he tries it, either turn around or go off and do your own thing. Start thinking about other behaviours as well, this won’t be the only one. DD’s partner does it to her. I keep suggesting she should go for a coffee or walk into another shop or generally behave as tho she’s on her own, but no, she scurries along apparently.

Bloody hell, so many women married to so many thoughtless and/or arrogant men.
I'm a foot shorter and much less fit than DH. If we're out together we always walk side by side, as he adjusts his pace to mine. Or if that's possible he lets me go ahead and he follows me.
That's what a man who loves and respects you would do.

Reading OP's posts and all the responses on here make me feel glad that I'm not alone.

DH (6.4 tall, long legs) has recently injured his knee and can't walk as fast as usual. It's now him struggling to keep up with me. I could write a long post, but...what a shame

I have to pick my DP up on this, he wants to walk fast and has to be reminded that I can't keep up. It's like he doesn't notice, it doesn't seem to be deliberate like he wants to get away.

Hold his hand doesn't work.i have tried this. He gets away 😢
Stop - he doesn't care.

It's sounding awful

I am sure it is done elsewhere, but we went to Saudi on a compulsory work thing and everywhere you looked, you saw this. I did not see any women walk alongside men and it blew my mind.

my OH used to do this. I told him clearly many , many , MANY times that I did not
like it but he seemed to think I was joking. His dad used to do the same and it was a running joke in his family and he thought it was funny to do in our relationship too. He's much taller than me and walks faster than I can. Then when he had a very painful knee and was waiting for it to be repaired, I walked about 50 yards in front of him and when he eventually got back to the car where I was waiting, I asked him if he enjoyed our walk "together". Since then he's never done it. I do think these blokes want to continually prove to themselves that they are the leader, the Alpha male and doing this puffs up their fragile ego. It is bloody horrible and very bad manners IMO. I'm with other posters here who say stop, turn around and walk the other way or go into a cafe and have a drink. I know you said that he has hold of the tickets for everything (Alpha male power and control again) but you said you can make arrangements to hold your own tickets and those of your children and make your own way in your own time. But whatever, I would not put up with this treatment anymore. It makes you feel small, valueless, invisible, unimportant and that he doesn't care about you. Awful, rude behaviour. A gentleman he is NOT.

Just stop going anywhere with him.

My autistic boyfriend does do it because he does lack awareness of a lot of things. He is not abusive or narcisstic at all.
Because of this thread, I did ask him why he walks ahead. Some people here had me wondering if he was ashamed of me or something.
No. He used to be a postman so is used to walking fast everywhere. He just lacks that awareness on how it impacts on other people.

Yes it really does sound awful. You deserve so much better. I’m sorry this is happening to you.

Not condoning this, but I’m a fast walker and DH walks slowly - interestingly we did some dna tests that give traits and I have fast twitch muscles and he doesn’t. I’m built for speed and he’s built for endurance.
I have to deliberately slow down and it’s almost painful in a very restless legs way. He should make an effort to do the same.
Do you think he could have ASD or ADHD?
Is he impatient with things like waiting for food orders or in a waiting room? Restless and impulsive in other ways or just walking?

How is he at home or in other aspects of your relationship- is he caring?

Oh dear!
I have read all the OP's posts and apologise if I am repeating another person's thoughts. This post reminded me so much of Harry Judd and his mother on Celebrity Race Around The World. As I remember it, they often had to get up early and get to bus/train stations for the only transport to their next stop.
Harry Judd always held the tickets and would insist on cutting it fine to get to the station. All good for him but his mother had some walking issues and really struggled. It was infuriating to watch this repeat itself. To be honest, after being too soft for too long, his mother tried to stand up for herself but not in a very firm way and he just made no effort to take it on board.
I only hope that people he respects in real life ripped him a new one when it was broadcast and he has changed his ways. I certainly now regard him as an odious twat after having liked him on Strictly.
In your case OP I would just stop going out with him. It sounds so stressful. Also, I would make every effort to get paid work. He is not a man to grow old with.

So he doesn't hold your hand back? Put his arm around you? Yes that does sound awful. It's not the actions of a loving husband.

Easy fix. You have the tickets. Always. He has to wait for you and be mindful of you, not the other way around.

He's paid for them normally and he'll have them on his phone. E tickets.

Exactly.

I’m 5 foot tall; my SO is more than 6 feet. He has never, ever walked ahead of me. If anything he pauses so I can go ahead of him through turnstiles, doorways, etc.

I never understand
why people pursue relationships with inconsiderate arseholes.

He can transfer your ticket to you surely? He must be buying them long before you’re rushing to go out. Are you scared to ask him for your ticket because he’ll think you’re planning on being “difficult”?

You pay for them and you keep them on your phone. Problem solved,