DH walking ahead

[Angelofmycoins]

Been married for 16 year and I'd say for the 17 years I've know DH he has always walked ahead of me in public and not looked back to see if I'm still with him.

Theatre (tonight's experience), airport, train station, town.... he will very, very occasionally come on a dog walk and then we chat and stroll. But otherwise, its just me scurrying along trying not to loose him and looking at his back. He's about 6 paces in front and he never looks back.

If I get next to him, he'll cross the road at no given notice, nip into gaps between people trying to get in front of them. Then i can't follow without pushing them out of the way, and I've lost him again.

I really hate it, I can't chat to him, ask if I can pop in to a coffee shop, anything. Sometimes I don't even know what he's heading for.

I do have form for being unreasonable (according to him, its my default mode!). But on this..... how many would put up with this habitual walking ahead and leaving wife scurrying behind trying not to be left?

This would be a dealbreaker for me. It's hugely disrespectful, borderline abusive, ignorant, rude, bullying, and plain fucking nasty. It shows you don't give a fuck about the person you are with.

Relation experts say they have heard many women complain that men walk ahead of them. In all cases, the men were emotionally neglectful and insensitive towards them.

If any man was that much of a cunt that he constantly walked multiple feet ahead of me, I would fuck him off. He would only do it twice. First time I would ask him to not do it, second time, he's binned.

I know you are not going to leave this man @Angelofmycoins but you really should. It really is disgusting behaviour

Better yet, get the tickets on YOUR phone & he can wait for you

My oh has done this from time to time so I just stop and wait for him to come back. He marched on once when I was ill and a gentleman came to my rescue and when my OH came back this man politely told him that I needed looking after-which brought him down to earth. What your OH is doing is selfish and bad manners imo and he should have enough respect and consideration to walk with you.

My dh does this in busy places, he does generally wait for me when he realises I’m behind though. It’s become a family joke as the kids have got older. It’s now generally dh and ds ahead and me and dd behind. We usually purposely walk slowly when they they start steaming ahead! I also make sure I always carry tickets, passports etc!

Or just go with one of your friends/. family and let him live his ME life all by himself. Don't give him the satisfaction of you orbiting round him as your world.
Take back control. Live your life. Have ur friends and stop dancing to his tune.
If it was me I'd certainly not be going to theatre or walking along any street with him.

Mine does this too. I think its super rude.

I haven’t read all the replies but this is very red flag narcissistic behaviour from him. As well as the other things you’ve said.

He sounds like a dick. I just wouldn’t be there I’d go my own way and at my own time screw him. You allow him to do this by chasing after him, you need to stop facilitating. You have the tickets or just don’t go.

I have heart failure amongst other things. My husband will usually walk with me if we’re walking in town or whatever but occasionally forgets and takes off without me. I just do my thing now, nip into shops, stop for a rest or whatever. When we’re taking the dogs out together he’s miles ahead and I just toddle along enjoying the fresh air and scenery. I’ve been known to message him that I’m going for a coffee/wine somewhere and he comes back for me! I need to take my time, he likes to stride ahead and get his steps in. In the grand scheme of things it’s not the biggest deal for me. I understand it’s annoying but I pick my battles with my DH and this isn’t one of them.

Oh and I usually have the tickets/boarding passes etc anyway so he can’t get too far without me even if he does leave me behind 🤣

Oh, they do that. Every man is on the spectrum, its just a matter of time before it eventually comes out. Mine does it, he says it's because he has longer legs. After 39 years I've given up caring on this front, in many other aspects he's still pretty normal (ish). I generally buy the tickets and hand them out in advance just in case. I treat our days out in town like a Scooby Do episode where they spilt up and look for clues.

By boyfriend does this and is autistic. He does walk very fast anyway though. I would describe his walking as 'with purpose'. I ask him to slow down and he does for a bit.

Utter rubbish, especially with an abusive DH. OP also likely doesn't have a joint account.

My husband does this too.on holiday he is the absolute worst.with me and kids trying to keep up.i always say there he goes old father time won’t wait for anyone.

Let him.
You shout back too and call HIM unreasonable too.

Whatever he calls you, call him back, or keep saying 'Same to you' - this saves a lot of thought and breath and energy, as you won't have to think of abusive language to use- he'll do it for you....that way even the arguments won't be exhausting as he's doing all the thinking and you're just using his words back on him- win win win.

Rinse and repeat. Every. Single. Time

Trust me, the day will come when he slows down and starts considering you.

It worked for me.
I feel in control now.

This is more common than one might think .... some people do walk much faster than their partner andhey really are not intentionally leaving the other person behind ... it's often a habit they adopted early in life when hiking or hill walking over distance or they might have a much faster gait / metabolism / drive ... I wouldn't get too paranoid about that kind of thing . You probably ( perhaps ?) spend the other 97 % of your lives in quite close proximity , anyway !

I did this when my now DP and I first started to go out. He would march ahead without a backwards glance, changing direction without warning etc. so I would stop and find something to amuse myself, like looking in a shop window nearby, or scroll my phone, and wait for him to notice I was no longer trailing behind him. He would always come and find me, confused, but rarely angry. I’d tell him I’d wanted to stop but he was too far ahead to notice so I thought I’d catch him up, or that I’d lost sight of him so stayed where I was so he could come back and find me.

There was no malice in him doing it, he just wanted to get to wherever it was directly, as is the case with a lot of ppl who do this, particularly ND in my experience. It didn’t take too many times for him to stop doing it though.

OP, if he says you’re always unreasonable, that’s a shitty comeback and is totally subjective. Calling out twattish behaviour is not unreasonable to anyone but the person doing the twattish behaviour.

Funny that.

He sounds like a berk.

Oooh forgot to add-
Make sure he forwards you the tickets/ email/ bookings, whatever beforehand, preferably at the time if booking, so you've got it on your phone as well.
Otherwise refuse to go out with him.
THEN if he yells at you again for demanding this, yell back as before.
Good luck OP, try it and see if it works. Let us know how you got on.
❤️

You haven’t seen the tik tok of the woman who talks about how her husband walking ahead of her is a form of abuse then I guess? Because it demonstrates a total lack of concern or respect.

My ex-husband used to do this, it only got worse when we had a first child.
I read an article about how it's a tool narcissistic partners do to prove they're in control and always ahead.
I started disappearing into shops. It would take him AGES to notice. Once we went to town, he was walking off ahead so I saw a coffee shop and went inside with our son. He got to the car before he realised we weren't with him, it had been 20 minutes since we went into the coffee shop.
It brought me great pleasure to do little things like this, mainly cos I hated the prick deep down

Shocked at how many women put up with, and try to rationalise this behaviour! It IS abusive! Trying to say “oh they walk faster” is utter nonsense - I bet most of you walked arm in arm when dating, and managed to keep pace with each other. It IS possible!

Men who do this are telling you one thing; they don’t value you or give a shit about you. Do not allow this behaviour or make excuses for it! Think more of yourself and don’t allow yourself to be second, in any way! It’s just another thing that men get away with doing, casual sexism should be called out at every opportunity!

For those saying “argue back with him” - what a way to live! How exhausting must it be to have to argue with your ‘loved ones’ because they can’t be bothered to walk beside you?! I’m honestly shocked that women think this is a way to live! You DON’T need to live like this, running behind to catch-up to a man - it’s not the 1950s anymore! Stand up for yourselves!

Clearly you have never been in an abusive relationship.

You know nothing about me! How dare you! Perhaps it’s BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN that I know what I’m talking about! You clearly have no clue and decide you know about my life!

100% this. ^

I had an ex partner like this. Would get up from the table in a restaurant and start walking out while I was still gathering my things etc. even walked off a plane leaving me behind. Now I just have a husband who is constantly getting lost when we are out 😉