DH walking ahead

[Angelofmycoins]

Been married for 16 year and I'd say for the 17 years I've know DH he has always walked ahead of me in public and not looked back to see if I'm still with him.

Theatre (tonight's experience), airport, train station, town.... he will very, very occasionally come on a dog walk and then we chat and stroll. But otherwise, its just me scurrying along trying not to loose him and looking at his back. He's about 6 paces in front and he never looks back.

If I get next to him, he'll cross the road at no given notice, nip into gaps between people trying to get in front of them. Then i can't follow without pushing them out of the way, and I've lost him again.

I really hate it, I can't chat to him, ask if I can pop in to a coffee shop, anything. Sometimes I don't even know what he's heading for.

I do have form for being unreasonable (according to him, its my default mode!). But on this..... how many would put up with this habitual walking ahead and leaving wife scurrying behind trying not to be left?

He is obviously so busy, important, famous and rich that silly little you asking for basic manners and respect as a baseline is being very difficult indeed.

You need to leave him.

Unfortunately i don't think i can. This is probably why ppl hate these type.of threads.

My DH usually ends up walking in front of me but he does walk faster, it's not intentional and hes not miles ahead. When I notice it, I say something and he slows down.

Your DH would piss me off especially if he had tickets which I need.

Well, you can. Everyone has a choice.

By subjecting your children to this man, you are indirectly abusing them yourself as well. But I suspect you'll stay and the cycle will just continue for them too.

Such a shame.

Why can’t you leave him?

And how old are your children?

An old friend did this to me on a recent city break and it really hurt my feelings.

I’m short with short legs & can only go so fast. She’s tall and lanky and kept speeding ahead impatiently. I won’t travel with her again.

Wow he is rude isn’t he ?

You need to do something - like go for a coffee if you see somewhere you like and leave him walking

or head back home

A core memory about people walking ahead has been unlocked for me RTTT.

i had a ‘friend’ who under the guise of being ‘a power walker’ used to walk ahead of me. She humiliated me towards the end of our 5 year or friendship in the worst way a female friend could. I feel some karma as she now lives with her sister in a flat and shags peoples husbands as often as the situation can arise for her.

looking back the ‘walking ahead’ in woman is the same red flag as in men. Narcissism.

My DH is 12 inches taller than me, and my legs are short in proportion to my height. So, if we walk at the same speed, he will very quickly be well ahead of me. He says he finds it just as difficult to slow his natural pace down as I do to speed mine up. We compromise by holding hands or linking each other so he pulls me along or I hold him back 😂

Don’t be daft 😂

DH has a tendency to do this. One day I just decided not to play along. I now just amble along at my own pace waiting for him to notice I'm not behind him. He has improved 😊

Ah, this is where you are going wrong. I always seem to do the booking and keep hold of the tickets. That way I am in control. He can rush ahead as much as he likes but he ain’t getting in without me. So I take my sweet time and he has to wait.

I agree that this is a really annoying habit, especially when you are supposed to be spending time together but he seems to not even acknowledge you are together! I just stopped trotting after him and go at my own pace. I think it’s definitely a control thing.

Other people have noticed it too. DD now tells her Dad off for doing this and always walks with me if he takes off into the distance.

Stop scurrying about behind him like a faithful little puppy dog, ask him to forward you a copy of tickets etc (makes sense anyway in case one of you lose your phone). Let him lose you and enjoy the tranquility of time without the plonker.

Having now read the whole thread OP, there is far more to this than just an annoying habit of walking ahead of you. It’s just one symptom of a whole bigger problem. He is emotionally and financially abusing you. He has got you convinced that the way he treats you is normal. It’s not. Please get some counselling on your own and speak to Women’s Aid to plan your way out of this awful marriage.

I'm sorry but I think you are in an abusive relationship. This is ringing alarms bells.
He walks ahead of you and doesn't care, makes you think you are unreasonable, gives you an 'allowance', talks to your children about you.
Get some therapy and support for yourself x

Do you walk at a much slower pace than him? It can be irritating having to walk substantially slower than the other person. I'm a very fast walker compared to my other half. However, when we are together I match her pace because I love her and because I enjoy her company. Sometimes I go out for walks on my own because I do need to stretch my legs properly. I don't need to behave like a cunty twat though.

I was married to one of these and I discovered my ex husband had an avoidant attachment style. You mentioned anxiety and I'm wondering if he's trying to keep distance between you because he's terrified of getting too close to you and being vulnerable?

Mine was always late or last minute to everything but it was a strategy to avoid closeness (to anyone) He would do things like jumping in the shower when guests were about to arrive at our house and would bury himself in his job and hobbies. It was like living with a lodger. He was rarely ever around but would have long phone calls with me when he was away ie checking I was still there for him.

It destroyed our marriage although he wasn't outwardly aggressive. Very passive aggressive though.

My husband does this very occasionally. I just remind him that I'm not the Duke of Edinburgh (aka the late Prince Philip)

You need to get external support. Do you have any family around you? You really shouldn’t put up with his treatment of you.

Why can’t you leave? Is it because you don’t feel that you’d cope because you know you would really.

How old are the DC and what work did you do before?

Sorry but all these dhs saying it hurts their legs are talking shite. I cannot believe in 2025 women are meekly taking this off men who are supposed to love and cherish them. I despair. What happened when your dc were toddling? Did not of these sensitive-kneed dads ever bother teaching their dc to walk? In case they got a hurty wurty? Bunch of shits.

This is classic narcissism.

I have had a fair few people in my life do this. Sometimes I just let them walk far ahead and then 'accidentally' lose them.

My partner is a foot taller than me and walks quicker but he tends to walk at my pace. He sometimes gets ahead of me if filtering through crowds but always then slows down until I've caught up. He never goes more than a handful of steps ahead of me and always checks where I am. If we hold hands and I walk at my slightly quicker pace and he walks at his slightly slower pace we are close to the same speed.
For me the issue isn't that he walks quicker than you and more that he has no regard for where you are and if you have kept up with him.