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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the school only has itself to blame for nobody joining the PTA

248 replies

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:13

my DS’s primary has put a bit of a begging message in this week’s newsletter about “Do you enjoy the new playground markings, and community events, and a well stocked school library? This is all thanks to the efforts of our PTA! However, we don’t have nearly enough members to sustain it so if you don’t want to lose the benefits for your children, parents need to step up and join the committee so we can keep it going! We are looking for one parent from each class to do the right thing and volunteer.”

I have done PTA work in the past (and then became way too much to commit to) and I get it’s valuable. I always go to events and spend money too.

However, even if I had the time, I’d be disinclined to join because the school SLT seem to have gone down a road of patronising parents constantly. The newsletter every week congratulates all the children with 100% attendance for that term and says “Well done to those children!”. They also tell us which class has “won” at school attendance every fortnight. Nobody cares though. It’s probably a sore point because I have a disabled son who has been off school with hospital stays on a number of occasion. He’s only had 1 day off this term though thankfully. I hate the idea of congratulating only healthy and/or NT children for not being off sick.

Other annoying/patronising messages include:

  • “We would like to see less junk and more fruit in lunchboxes! Why not make the effort and replace that chocolate bar with a banana this week”
  • “We would like to remind parents that pencil cases should be small - we can’t be expected to magic a fat pencil case into a thin school drawer”
  • ”It’s pumpkin making competition in 6 hours time, and we are telling you now [they don’t actually say that but they do give v short notice]. It can be a wonderful opportunity to put the phones and iPads down and spend some much needed craft time with your little ones.
  • ”We know holidays can be fun, but what’s not fun is depriving a child of an education. Taking your child in term time, even for a cheaper holiday, is unacceptable and we do not authorise absences for this reason. There are plenty of places that are budget friendly in the school holidays, and your child’s education should take priority.”

Parents are sick of it. I have lots of parents who are friends and everyone moans about the newsletter content, they do at drop off and pick up too. Absolutely nobody is checking to see if their class has “won” good absence rates.

AIBU to think the school can’t patronise parents constantly then expect everyone to jump up to volunteer with the school? I know PTA is largely parent run and it’s for the benefit of the children, but I don’t feel like partnering with a place that seems hell bent on arsey (often ableist) messages and making the ND/disabled kids feel like shit for not being healthy enough for their liking.

Im actually half tempted to say this to the school.

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 21/03/2025 17:16

What you've described isn't "patronising" at all.

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 21/03/2025 17:17

If this is verbatim then the school need to change the tone an wording of their messages. The messages are fine but the way it is conveyed is not.

NoSoupForU · 21/03/2025 17:17

There's nothing wrong with any of those messages. The only sad part of it is that they need to put the messages out there in the first place because there are many parents who prioritise their phone, refuse to follow guidance or are just generally not engaged or are thick.

JoyousEagle · 21/03/2025 17:17

Urgh, any school that says “put the phones and iPads down and spend much need time with your child” can piss right off.

But I don’t see that it’s related to the PTA, because the PTA fundraising benefits your child. So it’s a bit cutting your nose off to spite your face to not join for that reason.

Tomatocutwithazigzagedge · 21/03/2025 17:18

Why not join the PTA and give them feedback on how you and all the other parents you information gather from feel?

TheWayTheLightFalls · 21/03/2025 17:18

These sound like two entirely separate issues. A PTA isn’t going to be responsible to going on about bananas and term time holidays, and the school’s messages seem entirely sensible. It may be the cherry on the cake of irritating messages, but that isn’t the PTA’s fault.

MarnieJADE · 21/03/2025 17:19

You are mixing up two very different things.

Schools valuing volunteers, a sense of community and extras for their pupils, with the DfE statutory guidance and focus, including a pressure on schools to increase/maintain high attendance.

Strangeonthenet · 21/03/2025 17:20

Tomatocutwithazigzagedge · 21/03/2025 17:18

Why not join the PTA and give them feedback on how you and all the other parents you information gather from feel?

Don't be silly. Much easier to moan amongst themselves and online that actually take action

jenniferyellowdress · 21/03/2025 17:20

It’s probably one member of staff who is in charge of writing the comms, I do agree the way it’s written is a bit patronising but it seems well intentioned. Maybe try giving feedback to the headteacher with specific examples.

I don’t see the direct link with joining / not joining the PTA to be honest, the PTA funding benefits the kids not the person writing the newsletter.

Adviceplease2022 · 21/03/2025 17:21

I don’t understand why parents don’t join the PTA because they are pissed off with the school. Most PTAs operate as a separate legal charity to the school and they normally fundraise for the nice extras that benefit the children not the school 🤷‍♀️

That being said, one of the perks of moving my DD to a new school recently is escaping the PTA at the old school. It became an absolutely thankless task and too much work for too few people. New school doesn’t have a PTA so I don’t even have any guilt for not joining it! Win-win! 😂

MidnightMillie · 21/03/2025 17:21

What you've described is pretty bog standard up and down the country.

15 years on the PTA taught me that some parents will claw any excuse they can not to join, rather than just being honest and saying they don't want to or they don't have the time.

neverbeenskiing · 21/03/2025 17:21

If you have issues with the school LT and their decision making or comms, contact them to express your views. You are free to join or not join the PTA, but the things you're pissed off about are nothing to do with the PTA. You've clearly reached a point where you're so frustrated with the school that any requests or messages from them feels like a personal attack, but school PTA's asking for more volunteers is pretty standard and not unreasonable.

Needmorelego · 21/03/2025 17:21

Those messages are a bit cheesy but they aren't anything to do with the PTA.

Teado · 21/03/2025 17:22

Those messages are fairly typical. If you don’t want to join the PTA, then don’t 🤷‍♀️

jenniferyellowdress · 21/03/2025 17:23

Some parents will claw any excuse they can not to join, rather than just being honest and saying they don't want to or they don't have the time.

This is so true! People tie themselves in knots with all their reasons why they can’t get involved but usually it boils down to “I don’t really want to”. Which is fair enough but why make such a song and dance about it.

frozendaisy · 21/03/2025 17:25

Don't complain there are no nice extras in future then.

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:25

VickyEadieofThigh · 21/03/2025 17:16

What you've described isn't "patronising" at all.

In my opinion it is.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 21/03/2025 17:25

If it’s anything like our school, this content is written by one part time admin person who has fewer admin skills than my 6 year old. Ours is constantly recalling emails or attaching completely the wrong document. I couldn’t get worked up about it though. Just skim for critical information.

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:26

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 21/03/2025 17:17

If this is verbatim then the school need to change the tone an wording of their messages. The messages are fine but the way it is conveyed is not.

It’s pretty much verbatim - but yes that kind of tone!

OP posts:
Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 21/03/2025 17:26

I find most schools and teachers now days to be extremely patronising tbh.

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:26

NoSoupForU · 21/03/2025 17:17

There's nothing wrong with any of those messages. The only sad part of it is that they need to put the messages out there in the first place because there are many parents who prioritise their phone, refuse to follow guidance or are just generally not engaged or are thick.

How do schools know parents prioritise their phones in the comfort of their own homes?

OP posts:
MidnightMillie · 21/03/2025 17:26

jenniferyellowdress · 21/03/2025 17:23

Some parents will claw any excuse they can not to join, rather than just being honest and saying they don't want to or they don't have the time.

This is so true! People tie themselves in knots with all their reasons why they can’t get involved but usually it boils down to “I don’t really want to”. Which is fair enough but why make such a song and dance about it.

Exactly.

No-one gave a shit if they joined, the most important thing was that they'd come along to events and spend money or donate in other ways.

But they'd twist themselves into pretzels with really weird excuses about why they couldn't join.

Amusing though 😁

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 21/03/2025 17:27

I very much doubt all the parents are sick of those very reasonable messages, discounting the attendance ones. I imagine they just nod and smile as you rant.

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:28

JoyousEagle · 21/03/2025 17:17

Urgh, any school that says “put the phones and iPads down and spend much need time with your child” can piss right off.

But I don’t see that it’s related to the PTA, because the PTA fundraising benefits your child. So it’s a bit cutting your nose off to spite your face to not join for that reason.

Well the reason I don’t join is because I have a full time job and a disabled child and a preteen with her own issues going on. I have done it before but I just can’t commit, and I’d rather not do it than make promises I can’t keep. But if I had all the time in the world I wouldn’t want to partner with the school on anything when they insist on being so arsey

OP posts:
JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:28

Tomatocutwithazigzagedge · 21/03/2025 17:18

Why not join the PTA and give them feedback on how you and all the other parents you information gather from feel?

I don’t need to join the PTA to do that

OP posts: