To think the school only has itself to blame for nobody joining the PTA

[JandamiHash]

my DS’s primary has put a bit of a begging message in this week’s newsletter about “Do you enjoy the new playground markings, and community events, and a well stocked school library? This is all thanks to the efforts of our PTA! However, we don’t have nearly enough members to sustain it so if you don’t want to lose the benefits for your children, parents need to step up and join the committee so we can keep it going! We are looking for one parent from each class to do the right thing and volunteer.”

I have done PTA work in the past (and then became way too much to commit to) and I get it’s valuable. I always go to events and spend money too.

However, even if I had the time, I’d be disinclined to join because the school SLT seem to have gone down a road of patronising parents constantly. The newsletter every week congratulates all the children with 100% attendance for that term and says “Well done to those children!”. They also tell us which class has “won” at school attendance every fortnight. Nobody cares though. It’s probably a sore point because I have a disabled son who has been off school with hospital stays on a number of occasion. He’s only had 1 day off this term though thankfully. I hate the idea of congratulating only healthy and/or NT children for not being off sick.

Other annoying/patronising messages include:

• “We would like to see less junk and more fruit in lunchboxes! Why not make the effort and replace that chocolate bar with a banana this week”
• “We would like to remind parents that pencil cases should be small - we can’t be expected to magic a fat pencil case into a thin school drawer”
• ”It’s pumpkin making competition in 6 hours time, and we are telling you now [they don’t actually say that but they do give v short notice]. It can be a wonderful opportunity to put the phones and iPads down and spend some much needed craft time with your little ones.
• ”We know holidays can be fun, but what’s not fun is depriving a child of an education. Taking your child in term time, even for a cheaper holiday, is unacceptable and we do not authorise absences for this reason. There are plenty of places that are budget friendly in the school holidays, and your child’s education should take priority.”

Parents are sick of it. I have lots of parents who are friends and everyone moans about the newsletter content, they do at drop off and pick up too. Absolutely nobody is checking to see if their class has “won” good absence rates.

AIBU to think the school can’t patronise parents constantly then expect everyone to jump up to volunteer with the school? I know PTA is largely parent run and it’s for the benefit of the children, but I don’t feel like partnering with a place that seems hell bent on arsey (often ableist) messages and making the ND/disabled kids feel like shit for not being healthy enough for their liking.

Im actually half tempted to say this to the school.

The newsletter is probably written by one staff member, or someone in the school office. The tone may be annoying to you but if you don't have time or energy to do the job for them, I would concentrate on whether they are providing a safe and happy place for your child. Is their learning supported adequately?

What does making a “song and dance” look like exactly? Saying no? Maybe their “excuses” are true?

I have volunteered and I do donate like I said in my op. And it’s not that I “can’t be arsed” - I have a FT job and disabled child FFS. Hardly trappings of just being lazy🙄

I can see in the not so distant future PTAs and any other volunteering for children just ceasing to exist as its Someone's Else's Problem. No more Scouts or Guides, or sports clubs, or cadets...

Ahh I thought I made myself crystal clear but let me try again.

A non acceptable excuse is "I don't want to do it because 'Newsletter'.

Which (again) is what you're thread is about so I'm surprised you're having so much trouble understanding that, I've had to explain it not once but twice?

Well why are you spending your time being many and batching about the pta. Plenty of pta work is sending emails. You could just as easily do that and do something positive instead of writing negative shit like this. Or email the school about their messaging.

Change schools then? If it’s upsetting you so much

No my thread is about the school expecting oodles of volunteers when they also alienate parents

Ive REALLY touched a nerve with you haven’t I

I think more parents should be involved in schools on every level. It would put an end to the toxic culture of bullying. Meaning teachers bullying each other, teachers bullying kids and kids bullying each other

I’m not bitching about the PTA. Unless you can point out where I have, you’re just making stuff up really.

I’ll write negative shit all I want, just like you are. Not everything I do is in the pursuit of helping out.

Is it more that you think they are fundraising for things that your child may not be able to access? I'm a parent of disabled kids and I can't be arsed to care about ice lollies on a sports day when my kids can't participate. But people generally don't care much about things that don't impact them. They think inclusion means they have kids with additional needs in the school and as long as it doesn't have a detrimental impact on their kids then all is good.

Some of it is patronising and some is passive aggressive. Both would annoy me. (As would the attendance crap - I have a disabled child too, who misses school because of hospital appointments. It's really tone deaf that schools keep rewarding children for simply being lucky enough to be healthy.)

BUT, how involved are the SLT in the PTA? If all they do is provide guidance like, e.g. the play equipment needs updating but we have no budget, then leave it to the PTA to fundraise, that wouldn't be so bad. If they micromanage everything, then I can see why no one wants to be part of that.

I don't always agree with the stance my child's school takes on issues but I am on the pta. We have raised money to buy some cool stuff for the school that benefits all children including my own. It also means I get to attend more things then I could do normally and at times have influenced things the school is planning. For example they once planned to do a sponsored event with the child that raised the most getting a very expensive prize. I asked if it could be a draw for anyone that took part in the event no matter the amount raised as that was more inclusive. We don't actually have that much to do with the school, it's mainly just the pta working together.

But I'm confused a bit, you say you don't want to join because of the school but then say you can't because of your responsibilities. Don't join the pta if you don't want to, it's for those who want to volunteer, it's not compulsory and you don't need to provide a reason.

You are mixing up 2 very different things
When I was involved in The PTA I had no influence over any communication parents had with school or vice versa
If you can't or don't want to help The PTA thats absolutely fine but don't try to blame the odd annoying message on a newsletter.

I wouldn't join a PTA if my life depended on it. I'd rather write a large cheque to the school. Every single one I've seen from my dc's schools and schools I've worked in have been run by sanctimonious pick me girls and men.

The only one touched here is you 😳

You need to whinge to the school about all this, not Mumsnet.

Meanwhile, I'm sure your school will have plenty of PTA members signing up because that bog standard school newsletter hasn't touched a raw nerve for them, like it clearly has for you.

I'm a teacher and I agree that they are patronising and sanctimonious if that really is the tone of their communications to parents. It would put me right off joining the PTA too. I joined the PTA when my dc were at (a non-patronising) primary school and it was one of the more infuriating and tedious things I've ever done.

The messages aren’t patronising, they’re written by someone who spends most of their waking hours with small children and are writing comms in that environment, knowing full well that small children will be reading the newsletter.

And the messages are for the kids too - it’s important for them to know a banana is a healthier choice than a chocolate bar, and that they should be mindful of pencil case size when they’re picking one. And I don’t know a single parent who isn’t on their phone or in front of a screen more than they should be with their children, or whose children wouldn’t appreciate 30 mins more tech-free one on one time with them. That’s not a patronising attack, it’s an observation of the modern world we live in.

The attendance awards are crap, but are pushed down by central government so not the school’s fault.

As PP have said, own the reason you don’t want to join the PTA (that you’ve done your stint, don’t have time with your current home life situation and that you’re not inclined to make the compromises required to join - all fine and valiant reasons) rather than pretend it’s because of the tone of an innocuous newsletter.

It absolutely is.

And those newsletters are written by someone forgetting that their job is to teach the children and not the parents.

Hopefully they're at least teaching the students what patronizing means.

This is can't-win rubbish for the school. If they cut the niceties and just made rules banning junk food in packed lunches, requiring specific pencils, and coldly laying out the strictest measures to punish absences they're allowed then parents would be up in arms. When they try to appeal to parents to be a team with them instead people bitch about it being "patronizing". Volunteer or don't volunteer and own that it's a decision you make based on how you prioritize your time and efforts.

I agree with the sentiment, but without proper training and ongoing guidance and accountability, things can go horrendously wrong with parent volunteers. The parent Governors at DS's school seemed to have no training whatsoever and didn't actually research how to be a governor or what they should be doing...hence the ex principle got away with misappropriating hundreds of thousands of pounds over nearly 2 years.

I don’t agree with attendance awards for the reason you give but being healthy is not the only reason for good attendance.

My kids' schools are always inviting parent feedback, surveys, that kind of thing. Why don't you give them the feedback that their tone is patronising and then they can act on it?

Schools have nothing to do with PTA though usually. It's a really misleading term PTA.

I know what you mean - the school is on one level with toilets everywhere which is a big factor in why we chose it. So I won’t be moving schools to those who ask. The PTA don’t always fundraise for inclusive things (but then you can’t please everyone so I’m ot that bothered) but there’s plenty they do fundraise for.