To think the school only has itself to blame for nobody joining the PTA

[JandamiHash]

my DS’s primary has put a bit of a begging message in this week’s newsletter about “Do you enjoy the new playground markings, and community events, and a well stocked school library? This is all thanks to the efforts of our PTA! However, we don’t have nearly enough members to sustain it so if you don’t want to lose the benefits for your children, parents need to step up and join the committee so we can keep it going! We are looking for one parent from each class to do the right thing and volunteer.”

I have done PTA work in the past (and then became way too much to commit to) and I get it’s valuable. I always go to events and spend money too.

However, even if I had the time, I’d be disinclined to join because the school SLT seem to have gone down a road of patronising parents constantly. The newsletter every week congratulates all the children with 100% attendance for that term and says “Well done to those children!”. They also tell us which class has “won” at school attendance every fortnight. Nobody cares though. It’s probably a sore point because I have a disabled son who has been off school with hospital stays on a number of occasion. He’s only had 1 day off this term though thankfully. I hate the idea of congratulating only healthy and/or NT children for not being off sick.

Other annoying/patronising messages include:

• “We would like to see less junk and more fruit in lunchboxes! Why not make the effort and replace that chocolate bar with a banana this week”
• “We would like to remind parents that pencil cases should be small - we can’t be expected to magic a fat pencil case into a thin school drawer”
• ”It’s pumpkin making competition in 6 hours time, and we are telling you now [they don’t actually say that but they do give v short notice]. It can be a wonderful opportunity to put the phones and iPads down and spend some much needed craft time with your little ones.
• ”We know holidays can be fun, but what’s not fun is depriving a child of an education. Taking your child in term time, even for a cheaper holiday, is unacceptable and we do not authorise absences for this reason. There are plenty of places that are budget friendly in the school holidays, and your child’s education should take priority.”

Parents are sick of it. I have lots of parents who are friends and everyone moans about the newsletter content, they do at drop off and pick up too. Absolutely nobody is checking to see if their class has “won” good absence rates.

AIBU to think the school can’t patronise parents constantly then expect everyone to jump up to volunteer with the school? I know PTA is largely parent run and it’s for the benefit of the children, but I don’t feel like partnering with a place that seems hell bent on arsey (often ableist) messages and making the ND/disabled kids feel like shit for not being healthy enough for their liking.

Im actually half tempted to say this to the school.

Oh I love that you did that. Can I ask - do SLTs/Ofsted KNOW how shitty these merit schemes are for children who are frequently hospitalised?

I don’t think the PTA wrote that message I think it was school staff.

How have I been shallow? I’ve given my reasons for not joining, wasn’t really expecting to be attacked for it TBH.

Does patronising work with “thick as shit” parents?

They are conveying relevant information. They need some people for the PTA. Why is it patronising? If you don't want to join just ignore it.
Stuff about healthy lunches and not taking kids on holiday during term surely are standard rules they're just trying to endorse. If nobody broke those rules presumably they wouldn't say it in the newsletter?
Just ignore it all but I wouldn't call it patronising. If the school is awful across the board then switch.

“Why not make the effort and replace that chocolate bar with a banana this week”

😂🙄- if I wasn’t making an effort I’d be delivering a child still in pyjamas an hour late every day. The school should just ban junk food snacks if they’re that fussed. That’s just terrible communication skills and immediately gets people’s backs up by suggesting they don’t make any effort.

Tbf I agree with others that your issue is less with the PTA and more with the school. But either way there’s no obligation, PTA’s don’t exactly work if everyone is in them.

The message affects my child though. He knows he’s never gonna meet the attendance rate they want, because they talk about how they want children in every day and congratulate children with good attendance. I don’t want him to see his disability as a failure in himself, and that’s the message this attendance nonsense sends

Awarding children for 100 per cent attendance is discriminating against other children with disabilities. It's inappropriate in 2025. Why not award children for something within their ability to control . . . ?

I work in a primary school. We regularly get kids telling us that their parents don't play with them because they are too busy looking at their phones, kids who draw a phone in Mummy or Daddy's hand whenever they draw pictures of their family, kids who tell us that Mum or Dad won't read with them or help them with homework because they're too busy looking at their phones. Not to mention parents who sit looking at their phones during school plays, assemblies etc. For what it's worth, I agree that (assuming you've quoted word for word) the tone of the messages your school is sending out is a bit off. But it doesnt do anyone any good to pretend that parents being addicted to their phones isn't a common problem, because it is.

I work in a school who doesn't have a PTA. It really does make a difference. The PTA at my sons school raise loads of money, school discos, cake sales, summer fates, mothers and fathers day sales, easter egg hunts. All sorts of fun things. Money goes towards buying equipment, funding things for the school. Kids at my school who don't have a PTA have school trips cancelled because parents are too tight to pay as there is no back up funds. They don't have backup money to buy essentials. PTA have nothing to do with newsletters, all schools newsletters are the same boring nonsense, you don't need to read them. You don't have to join the PTA either but please realise they do an important job of raising funds for schools.

Tone of those messages is quite off.

We would be extremely positive and reinforcing the fun aspect of craft involvement for the parent and the child.

But parents don’t need berating

TBF my kids has told a load of shit to teachers when in infants - including that I’m pregnant with twins and that I waved a shovel at the neighbour. I once got pulled in to ask if it was true that I made my DS do 50 squats when he’s been naughty. I’m too jaded to believe anything kids say 🤣 I’m sure some parents are like that though

Because it’s so painfully obvious that the majority of children are chronically online.
It’s so incredibly obvious which kids are ignored and which get quality time with adults to enrich them.
That said, I agree the messages are patronising. Not all parents are doing a terrible job so no need for the blanket approach.

If you don't like it then join and make some changes?

Nope. They aren’t reading the messages. Only the invested parents are reading them and getting cross!

The PTA and the school are separate. All schools are going to promote good attendance, healthy eating and parent events. If the tone is a bit patronising in a newsletter then really does it matter? Unless the school is actually not doing a good job of educating and nurturing children?

PTAs are great and raise money for the stuff schools literally have no money for (as all school budgets are screwed). They pay for trips of children who can't afford them, sports equipment, gluesticks etc. They decide what to spend money on and not the school. No one is demanding anyone joins but slagging them off is pretty poor.

Honestly some parents should but more energy into supporting their children's education and less into moaning about random things!

I’ve never known a PTA that actually is a PTA - in any school where I’ve been a parent, or worked, it was a PA which the “T” assisted only when they absolutely had to. Messages about the PTA were therefore always drafted by the parents who were on the PTA and, albeit published in school newsletters, etc, were published at their request and thus came from the PTA, not the school.

On the above basis, OP, I think you are being unreasonable, because it is not the school you are disadvantaging with your attitude, it’s volunteer parents and, ultimately, your own child, because no PTA simply means no money raised that parents have a modicum of a say over the spending of rather than the school. PTAs do not exist to benefit schools, they exist to benefit the children in the schools - that’s why it’s parents which run them, because they have a vested self-interest, not because they love the education sector.

I didn’t slag the PTA off. Quite the opposite.

They don't need to do their own research as there's plenty of well structured and properly thought through advice available based on copious research projects. Stop feeding kids sh*t just because it's easy! Stop letting them fritter away their free time on devices just because it easy! Stop giving in to your kids obvious fake illnesses and phobias (not you OP a genuine disability is something the school should be more sensitive to and they should be exempt from these stats to avoid classmates feeling bitter). This might seem harsh but it's TRUE!!

Some SLT care but most just want to jump through hoops for Ofsted. If the public knew the truth about the behaviour of some SLT teams they would be outraged.

I have no idea about Ofsted. Most of the are ex SLT so I suspect they’re even less concerned.

You are pisssed off at them otherwise why would you even mention them?

The pta are made up of knackered adults trying to help the kids have a better school experience. Kids like mine and yours.

If you're pissed off with the school messaging, talk to the school.

And I didn't start a miserable thread @JandamiHash, I challenged your assertion that being on the pta was "helping the school". It's not, it's helping g the kids that go to the school, often woth new materials or subsidised trips that will mean nothing to the next group of kids to pass through the school.

I mean, do you actually hear yourself having a tantrum at the school like you're fighting everything that's wrong woth the world..

My view is that you should.piss or get off the pot. Put up or shut up. Use your voice and raise your issues or accept that everyone is doing your best. Or change school.

As others have said you are linking two separate issues.
It sounds like it is the school you are annoyed with, not the PTA. A lot of schools no longer do attendance awards (however do still send out information to parents on their child's attendance with how many days they missed and how many hours of learning this equates to). I would definitely raise this with the school about looking at changing this to something more inclusive.
I think the messages they give might sound patronising but unfortunately as not all parents listen, they have to try and give reminders and maybe even write in a simplified way. We have parents vaping outside the gate and continuing on the school grounds, along with being on their phones. Both of these are issues parents have been reminded not to do.
If you are really that unhappy with the way the school is run, then you do need to look at what other schools are like. I am not sure of your child's age, but if they are still quite young then you have a long time of frustration ahead of you if you feel this angry with them. I believe you mention the level access but there should be more than one school in your area that is suitable for a wheelchair/walking frame.

Your issue with the PTA is no different than many other parents. They do a great role bringing in money for the school, and if you are on it you can make suggestions for where the money goes (sorry I can't tag whoever it was that said ice lollies on sports day excludes their child, though I am not sure what the child's disability is that stops them joining in with any of the activities and why the school haven't adapted them). Our school PTA has been up and down over the years as people have not wanted to run it. This has meant all the fun things no longer happened (no discos, no Christmas or Easter fayre). It does involve a lot of effort which a lot of people (myself included) don't have time to do. I don't think you should take your anger at the school out on them though.

Well the you haven't been very articulate as plenty of people disagree with you.

I can see why you don’t want to join the PTA. And the messaging from your school would drive me crackers.

It is difficult to get the messaging right though. I was asked if I could draft some wording around how parents use WhatsApp groups. I had a look online at some examples but had to massively tone down what had been written - mainly because half of the stuff seemed to imply that nearly all the parents were deserving of an ASBO.

I’ve never known a PTA that actually is a PTA - in any school where I’ve been a parent, or worked, it was a PA which the “T” assisted only when they absolutely had to.

I was going to say similar and I did wonder if this was just our school. The PTA do some excellent events- discos, fairs etc but the "T" are conspicuous by their absence. I don't think I've ever seen a T at any of the events. I know teachers have a hard job and probably don't want more voluntary school stuff in top but I don't know why it isn't just called Parents Association and have done with it!

But in answer to OP, refusing to join the PTA (or PA) because you find the school correspondence patronising in tone is totally barking up the wrong tree.