To think the school only has itself to blame for nobody joining the PTA

[JandamiHash]

my DS’s primary has put a bit of a begging message in this week’s newsletter about “Do you enjoy the new playground markings, and community events, and a well stocked school library? This is all thanks to the efforts of our PTA! However, we don’t have nearly enough members to sustain it so if you don’t want to lose the benefits for your children, parents need to step up and join the committee so we can keep it going! We are looking for one parent from each class to do the right thing and volunteer.”

I have done PTA work in the past (and then became way too much to commit to) and I get it’s valuable. I always go to events and spend money too.

However, even if I had the time, I’d be disinclined to join because the school SLT seem to have gone down a road of patronising parents constantly. The newsletter every week congratulates all the children with 100% attendance for that term and says “Well done to those children!”. They also tell us which class has “won” at school attendance every fortnight. Nobody cares though. It’s probably a sore point because I have a disabled son who has been off school with hospital stays on a number of occasion. He’s only had 1 day off this term though thankfully. I hate the idea of congratulating only healthy and/or NT children for not being off sick.

Other annoying/patronising messages include:

• “We would like to see less junk and more fruit in lunchboxes! Why not make the effort and replace that chocolate bar with a banana this week”
• “We would like to remind parents that pencil cases should be small - we can’t be expected to magic a fat pencil case into a thin school drawer”
• ”It’s pumpkin making competition in 6 hours time, and we are telling you now [they don’t actually say that but they do give v short notice]. It can be a wonderful opportunity to put the phones and iPads down and spend some much needed craft time with your little ones.
• ”We know holidays can be fun, but what’s not fun is depriving a child of an education. Taking your child in term time, even for a cheaper holiday, is unacceptable and we do not authorise absences for this reason. There are plenty of places that are budget friendly in the school holidays, and your child’s education should take priority.”

Parents are sick of it. I have lots of parents who are friends and everyone moans about the newsletter content, they do at drop off and pick up too. Absolutely nobody is checking to see if their class has “won” good absence rates.

AIBU to think the school can’t patronise parents constantly then expect everyone to jump up to volunteer with the school? I know PTA is largely parent run and it’s for the benefit of the children, but I don’t feel like partnering with a place that seems hell bent on arsey (often ableist) messages and making the ND/disabled kids feel like shit for not being healthy enough for their liking.

Im actually half tempted to say this to the school.

Your child's attendance can't be that much of a concern nor do you have EHCP if that's the extent of your contact with the school.

pTA’s often get a lot of flack but when my children were at primary school the PtA raised about £25k a year. That paid for a lot of stuff. New interactive white boards, school trips, forest school. There were so few people who wanted to help but they were more than happy to accept the benefits of it. The mums who did the bulk (I helped about 50% of the time) were incredible and I think pretty much all of them worked full time and had multiple children.

OP I get you are upset with the school but in my mind if you want you child to have the benefits of the money raised than everyone needs to do something even if it is volunteering at one bake sale in the year. You need to either leave the school as you seem to hate it or make the experience as best as possible for your child.

And the reason there are no teachers involved is because many of us don't have the time.
OP, yes, tell the school, better than complaining on an internet forum or at the school gate or on WhatsApp. Or just move schools.

That’s your take from this - that I’m pissed off at the PTA? When have I even remotely alluded to being pissed off with them?

I challenged your assertion that being on the pta was "helping the school"

I literally never said this. You’re too old to be making things up you know.

Youve had very miserable posts and have also fabricated what I’ve said in some wild pursuit to disagree with me. Not sure your high horse is as high as you think.

.
Mine are grown up but I think I'd have gone for the annual donation.

I also hated the sponsored events.

Maybe I'm just not the right mindset for school.

of course it is

A PTA at a large, successful comp near me organises a monthly event to raise funds for the school. Each month the money ( well over a couple of thousand pounds) goes to each Department / Faculty in turn. It makes a huge difference to a Department's budget and benefits every child in the school.
Other comps are in awe of the work put in by a busy, productive PTA. As others have said, the PTA has little to do with staff and runs as an independent body. They can do so much good for schools which are always short of funds for playground equipment, libraries, funding to ensure children from impoverished families can go on all school trips.

OK, let's say I've got this wrong. Why not volunteer and send some emails? Or are you enjoying this thread?

AIBU to think the school can’t patronise parents constantly then expect everyone to jump up to volunteer with the school?

How have the school asked you to volunteer to help?

being in the PTA means being involved with the school and I just couldn’t be arsed with people who are patronising and snarky.

So who is it being patronising and snarky, if bot the pta? If its the school, then wtaf has that got to do with the PTA?

As a school governor you will make decisions about the future development of the school. As a member of the PTA you are simply supporting activities and fundraising that promote the well being of families at the school.

It was always a relief when organising trips that the PTA could raise funds for children from all backgrounds to go on trips and also supply DBS checked individuals to support staff helping children with SEND on school trips.

OP, if you want to relieve your feelings, reply to the newsletter sender saying that unfortunately, as your child is responsible for their class losing the attendance competition due to their disability, you don’t feel you’re the right person to represent the class on the PTA but you hope someone better qualified volunteers.

🙄

There's a difference between verbatim and pretty much verbatim. I would also imagine that these messages have been spread across several newsletters, rather than being bullet pointed in one newsletter?

There are plenty of good reasons not to join the PTA, but disliking the writing tone of the one single person who writes the newsletter seems like a stupid one.

It’s supposed to be about raising money to improve the educational experiences your child will have and the environment they learn in. It is not about showing approval for the school leadership.

I’m not sure why you started this thread, @JandamiHash, as you clearly don’t think you’re being unreasonable and are just arguing with everyone. You clearly don’t like the leadership of your DC’s school and don’t see that you have any relationship with them beyond delivering your child there.

However, you have a lot on your plate. I’m not sure this thread is helping or doing you any good, really.

Don’t join the PTA. With a full time job and disabled child you obviously don’t need that in your life, esp with how annoying you find the school’s comms. If you can just forget it, that’s the route I’d take. Plenty of others will look at that and think ‘no way’ and maybe some new people will join. However they phrase it, joining is optional. Opt out.

Re the messaging on attendance, I find this difficult too. My DC has a condition that means we sometimes have to take most of the day/whole days out to visit hospital (because we get given middle of the day appointments and it’s a 1.5 hour drive away to the nearest specialist). It’s marked as absence and he doesn’t get celebrated with the kids who don’t have to manage a condition and all that comes with it aged 5.

those messages would make me want to do the exact opposite of what they ask, nothing working with healthy lunch box reminders or even saying kids are struggling to fit everything in their drawer but that wording makes me want to scream!

I really, really hate the 100% attendance stuff.

My son is disabled too and his attendance is 0% so far this school year, last year I think it was something like 56%.

I don’t have time to volunteer. For reasons stated.

The school asked in their newsletter headteachers column.

So who is it being patronising and snarky, if bot the pta? If its the school, then wtaf has that got to do with the PTA?

Maybe read my sentence again. Slowly.

Cracking response. You’ve really told me 😂

I'm a school business assistant and I put out lots of Comms. Lots of times I wrestle with how to put things because I'm not great with words and maybe don't come across the best. Not out of being 'arsey' just out of not being best able to convey a balanced tone. Also, I am literally juggling a hundred different things for teachers/ta's/school visitors/parents etc al. So I don't have the luxury of taking an hour to formulate the perfect message! My point is, don't refuse to help the whole school community and your own child, just because one person isn't communicating themselves to your liking 😒

So join the PTA and do something about it.

Or encourage others to join. Just moaning about it to other parents is a waste of time and energy. And so what if you think it’s patronising? If they didn’t write it like that someone else might say it was boring.

Me joining the PTA won’t stop the patronising messages

The tone sounds extremely off putting, but it’s hardly the children’s fault, is it? You join the PTA to try to improve opportunities and facilities for the kids at the school, not the teachers. The minibus, extra library books or whatever are all because you want to improve the school for the children. It’s not like you’re fundraising for extra biscuits for the staff room.

Also, those messages really aren’t aimed at you so don’t take them so personally. They’re aimed at the parents who keep their kids home every Friday just because and give their eight year olds prime drinks. Trust me, they definitely exist.

I might be tempted to be petty and give a bunch of bananas to whoever wrote that drivel at the end of term, though.

I think its challenging to find people who have time to join the PTA but if people want to as its worthwhile they shouldn't not join because they find an aspect of the schools approach annoying or unfair.