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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the school only has itself to blame for nobody joining the PTA

248 replies

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:13

my DS’s primary has put a bit of a begging message in this week’s newsletter about “Do you enjoy the new playground markings, and community events, and a well stocked school library? This is all thanks to the efforts of our PTA! However, we don’t have nearly enough members to sustain it so if you don’t want to lose the benefits for your children, parents need to step up and join the committee so we can keep it going! We are looking for one parent from each class to do the right thing and volunteer.”

I have done PTA work in the past (and then became way too much to commit to) and I get it’s valuable. I always go to events and spend money too.

However, even if I had the time, I’d be disinclined to join because the school SLT seem to have gone down a road of patronising parents constantly. The newsletter every week congratulates all the children with 100% attendance for that term and says “Well done to those children!”. They also tell us which class has “won” at school attendance every fortnight. Nobody cares though. It’s probably a sore point because I have a disabled son who has been off school with hospital stays on a number of occasion. He’s only had 1 day off this term though thankfully. I hate the idea of congratulating only healthy and/or NT children for not being off sick.

Other annoying/patronising messages include:

  • “We would like to see less junk and more fruit in lunchboxes! Why not make the effort and replace that chocolate bar with a banana this week”
  • “We would like to remind parents that pencil cases should be small - we can’t be expected to magic a fat pencil case into a thin school drawer”
  • ”It’s pumpkin making competition in 6 hours time, and we are telling you now [they don’t actually say that but they do give v short notice]. It can be a wonderful opportunity to put the phones and iPads down and spend some much needed craft time with your little ones.
  • ”We know holidays can be fun, but what’s not fun is depriving a child of an education. Taking your child in term time, even for a cheaper holiday, is unacceptable and we do not authorise absences for this reason. There are plenty of places that are budget friendly in the school holidays, and your child’s education should take priority.”

Parents are sick of it. I have lots of parents who are friends and everyone moans about the newsletter content, they do at drop off and pick up too. Absolutely nobody is checking to see if their class has “won” good absence rates.

AIBU to think the school can’t patronise parents constantly then expect everyone to jump up to volunteer with the school? I know PTA is largely parent run and it’s for the benefit of the children, but I don’t feel like partnering with a place that seems hell bent on arsey (often ableist) messages and making the ND/disabled kids feel like shit for not being healthy enough for their liking.

Im actually half tempted to say this to the school.

OP posts:
SteelyEyed · 21/03/2025 17:28

I'm with you OP. Whoever writes to all the parents like that, who do they think they are? That high-handed tone would piss me off too.

If they want more parents to join - and they clearly do - then someone needs to tell them that bossing and hectoring is NOT how to go about it.

MidnightMillie · 21/03/2025 17:29

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:26

How do schools know parents prioritise their phones in the comfort of their own homes?

Given how many are glued to them at drop off and pick up times, it doesn't need Einstein to work it out.

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:30

TheWayTheLightFalls · 21/03/2025 17:18

These sound like two entirely separate issues. A PTA isn’t going to be responsible to going on about bananas and term time holidays, and the school’s messages seem entirely sensible. It may be the cherry on the cake of irritating messages, but that isn’t the PTA’s fault.

I know, but being in the PTA means being involved with the school and I just couldn’t be arsed with people who are patronising and snarky.

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ImAChangeling · 21/03/2025 17:30

Two separate issues.

The newsletter writer is probably just one person who needs help with comms, as they are writing as though they are addressing kids.

The above could be re-written for adults as:

Please consider healthier lunchbox options—a banana is a good swap for a chocolate bar.

A reminder to please keep pencil cases small so that they fit school drawers comfortably.

Don’t forget the pumpkin-making competition on xx day. It is a good chance to unplug and enjoy some creative time with your kids.

While holidays are enjoyable, we would like to remind parents that taking children out of school during term time is not authorised.

Frowningprovidence · 21/03/2025 17:30

The government's attendance pressure on schools is driving a wedge between parents abd schools. That competition is one that education welfare officers from LAs will advise schools do to improve attendance.

The rest sounds like a newsletter written by AI because staff haven't got time to write a newsletter.

Deerrobin · 21/03/2025 17:30

The vast majority of PTAs are charities independent of (but by nature work alongside, often a difficult relationship to navigate) the school so not volunteering for the PTA on that basis seems an odd decision. Although entirely up to you whether you want to be involved or not.

Mareleine · 21/03/2025 17:30

I seriously hope everyone saying there's nothing wrong with those messages doesn't work in comms. The excerpts are a load of fucking awful patronising shite that's alienating the parents by preaching to them instead of bringing them on board.

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:31

MidnightMillie · 21/03/2025 17:21

What you've described is pretty bog standard up and down the country.

15 years on the PTA taught me that some parents will claw any excuse they can not to join, rather than just being honest and saying they don't want to or they don't have the time.

I mean my “excuse” is a disabled child, is that good enough for you?

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JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:31

jenniferyellowdress · 21/03/2025 17:23

Some parents will claw any excuse they can not to join, rather than just being honest and saying they don't want to or they don't have the time.

This is so true! People tie themselves in knots with all their reasons why they can’t get involved but usually it boils down to “I don’t really want to”. Which is fair enough but why make such a song and dance about it.

Or maybe people just don’t have time or capacity?

Also not wanting to join the PTA because you don’t want to is OK as well

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Annascaul · 21/03/2025 17:32

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:30

I know, but being in the PTA means being involved with the school and I just couldn’t be arsed with people who are patronising and snarky.

Nothing patronising or snarky there, op.
I suspect you wouldn’t get involved however they asked.

MidnightMillie · 21/03/2025 17:32

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:30

I know, but being in the PTA means being involved with the school and I just couldn’t be arsed with people who are patronising and snarky.

You're arsed enough to send your kid to be educated there.

That's going to put you in far more contact with staff than joining the PTA.

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:32

frozendaisy · 21/03/2025 17:25

Don't complain there are no nice extras in future then.

I won’t. But I also won’t blame other parents. The school can’t alienate parents in one breath and ask for favours in the other breath

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JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:33

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 21/03/2025 17:27

I very much doubt all the parents are sick of those very reasonable messages, discounting the attendance ones. I imagine they just nod and smile as you rant.

You imagine wrong.

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MidnightMillie · 21/03/2025 17:34

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:31

I mean my “excuse” is a disabled child, is that good enough for you?

This thread isn't about your disabled child.

You know full well I'm talking about the excuse that the school are patronising.

Because that's what your thread is about 🙄

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 21/03/2025 17:34

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:33

You imagine wrong.

OK hun

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:34

SteelyEyed · 21/03/2025 17:28

I'm with you OP. Whoever writes to all the parents like that, who do they think they are? That high-handed tone would piss me off too.

If they want more parents to join - and they clearly do - then someone needs to tell them that bossing and hectoring is NOT how to go about it.

Yes this is exactly how I feel. Human beings by nature don’t like to be bossed around and it’s just not a good tactic to make people help out.

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JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:35

MidnightMillie · 21/03/2025 17:29

Given how many are glued to them at drop off and pick up times, it doesn't need Einstein to work it out.

A bit of a dim stance to assume everyone’s behaviour on the school run is replicated at home. I also leave my coat on on the school run but somehow manage to take it off at home.

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Wishingplenty · 21/03/2025 17:36

Well I just discovered this week that a Mum on my dd's schools pta, encouraged her husband to bully other parents in the street in order to get their agenda looked at and put through. Not too sure how you go about complaining about something like this?, but some of the people on their are absolutely nuts.

Ddakji · 21/03/2025 17:36

I should think the school are sick of having to remind parents of a lot of this stuff.

If your child is disabled then you know why he doesn’t have perfect attendance - there’s no need to take that personally. If kids are being kept off school for every sniffle then that’s a problem, ditto being pulled out for holidays all the time. Not you? Then don’t take it as being aimed at you.

PTAs do invaluable work in schools. Not liking the tone of some emails not from the PTA isn’t a reason to allow the PTA to fizzle out.

MidnightMillie · 21/03/2025 17:36

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:31

Or maybe people just don’t have time or capacity?

Also not wanting to join the PTA because you don’t want to is OK as well

You're not even reading the posts you're quoting 😳

That poster literally said "but usually it boils down to “I don’t really want to”. Which is fair enough but why make such a song and dance about it."

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:37

MidnightMillie · 21/03/2025 17:32

You're arsed enough to send your kid to be educated there.

That's going to put you in far more contact with staff than joining the PTA.

Not really. Having parents evening and the occasional check in and phone call isn’t the same as organising a fundraiser with someone

OP posts:
JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:38

MidnightMillie · 21/03/2025 17:34

This thread isn't about your disabled child.

You know full well I'm talking about the excuse that the school are patronising.

Because that's what your thread is about 🙄

Well you are the one saying parents “claw any excuse” so I’m wondering what is and isn’t an acceptable excuse to you? You have no idea what’s going on in people’s lives and must be very privileged if you think everyone has the capacity to join the PTA like you.

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JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:39

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 21/03/2025 17:34

OK hun

Hun 🤮

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CheesePlantBoxes · 21/03/2025 17:39

Yabu because as you've said, the pta is parent run and buys shit for your kids.

If you have anproblem woth the school messaging, pick it up with them.

The pta are made up of people like my husband and friends who work their socks off in their own time, in addition to full time jobs, so that the school can subsidise trips and buy extras for school to benefit the kids.

Don't volunteer, don't donate. But don't act like it's the ptas fault that you can't be arsed to volunteer because you're too high up on your soap box about the school.

JandamiHash · 21/03/2025 17:40

Ddakji · 21/03/2025 17:36

I should think the school are sick of having to remind parents of a lot of this stuff.

If your child is disabled then you know why he doesn’t have perfect attendance - there’s no need to take that personally. If kids are being kept off school for every sniffle then that’s a problem, ditto being pulled out for holidays all the time. Not you? Then don’t take it as being aimed at you.

PTAs do invaluable work in schools. Not liking the tone of some emails not from the PTA isn’t a reason to allow the PTA to fizzle out.

Of course I take it personally. Children get a “well done” for achieving nothing more than being healthy. Of course that’s personal to disabled children.

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