To think the school only has itself to blame for nobody joining the PTA

[JandamiHash]

my DS’s primary has put a bit of a begging message in this week’s newsletter about “Do you enjoy the new playground markings, and community events, and a well stocked school library? This is all thanks to the efforts of our PTA! However, we don’t have nearly enough members to sustain it so if you don’t want to lose the benefits for your children, parents need to step up and join the committee so we can keep it going! We are looking for one parent from each class to do the right thing and volunteer.”

I have done PTA work in the past (and then became way too much to commit to) and I get it’s valuable. I always go to events and spend money too.

However, even if I had the time, I’d be disinclined to join because the school SLT seem to have gone down a road of patronising parents constantly. The newsletter every week congratulates all the children with 100% attendance for that term and says “Well done to those children!”. They also tell us which class has “won” at school attendance every fortnight. Nobody cares though. It’s probably a sore point because I have a disabled son who has been off school with hospital stays on a number of occasion. He’s only had 1 day off this term though thankfully. I hate the idea of congratulating only healthy and/or NT children for not being off sick.

Other annoying/patronising messages include:

• “We would like to see less junk and more fruit in lunchboxes! Why not make the effort and replace that chocolate bar with a banana this week”
• “We would like to remind parents that pencil cases should be small - we can’t be expected to magic a fat pencil case into a thin school drawer”
• ”It’s pumpkin making competition in 6 hours time, and we are telling you now [they don’t actually say that but they do give v short notice]. It can be a wonderful opportunity to put the phones and iPads down and spend some much needed craft time with your little ones.
• ”We know holidays can be fun, but what’s not fun is depriving a child of an education. Taking your child in term time, even for a cheaper holiday, is unacceptable and we do not authorise absences for this reason. There are plenty of places that are budget friendly in the school holidays, and your child’s education should take priority.”

Parents are sick of it. I have lots of parents who are friends and everyone moans about the newsletter content, they do at drop off and pick up too. Absolutely nobody is checking to see if their class has “won” good absence rates.

AIBU to think the school can’t patronise parents constantly then expect everyone to jump up to volunteer with the school? I know PTA is largely parent run and it’s for the benefit of the children, but I don’t feel like partnering with a place that seems hell bent on arsey (often ableist) messages and making the ND/disabled kids feel like shit for not being healthy enough for their liking.

Im actually half tempted to say this to the school.

You're partnering with them on educating your child.

The messages are a bit naff but you seem to be taking them to much to heart.
Most of the parents will just roll their eyes at them - the ones that actually read them of course. A huge amount of parents won't actually read them.
But they really aren't anything to do with the PTA at all.
They are 2 completely unconnected things within the same school.
Just ignore the messages.

Some are committee members, and one is always involved in the organisation - which is fair enough as it means access to the school etc for example on fun runs.

My DD’s secondary doesn’t have a PTA but they ask parents for a voluntary £10 donation per child at the start of the year and then the pupils decide what to spend it on. Which is a good alternative stove although may not work as well in smaller schools

Well clearly not given this is at least the third type of begging message about the PTA this academic year.

The tone of the school messages is all wrong and would get my back up.

PTA is a different issue.

My childrens primary never had a pta , high school does but I don't have time now.

That isn’t the role of the PTA. The PTA are there to raise money not be a parent voice.

OP, you could suggest they try a parent voice suggestion box.

I’m an ex teacher who hates the attendance stuff. I remember my school really pushing it and all the kids in the class got merit points if their collective attendance was over a certain amount. We had one child critically ill in hospital, at the top of the transplant list. Every week when I was supposed to discuss the collective attendance with the class I just silently added the merit points to everyone on my register.

The highest money raising event at my children’s school last year was also the one most loved by parents. The PTA started a link and asked for donations towards books. I wish they would do this every year.

They could have worded it better, why not join and help them improve?

If you don’t want to join the PTA, can’t be bothered to join the PTA, or genuinely are unable to join the PTA due to other commitments, own it. Don’t go hiding behind nonsense that is absolutely nothing to do with the PTA. Those parents have no control over newsletters, school policy, or the hoops that government demand school staff jump through nowadays.

If they don’t get playground equipment, that’s on you and the other moaning mums. Petty and shallow isn’t a good look.

I find comments like this a bit odd because sometimes a PTA organised event is nothing to do with raising money to buy things but the act of actually just putting on an event (ie the PTA puts on a Christmas disco).
It's all very well donating a cheque but sometimes it's actually people that's needed.
Not money.

School messages have to be quite patronising because the parents who really need to action them are thick as shit - they have to go to the lowest common denominator.

That’s what most schools are like. Don’t take it personally.
The whole attendance thing is patronising, and I would really resent being to,d I couldn’t take my DC on holiday( this theoretical for me, mine are adults, and it wasn’t a thing you would be fined for when they were young.)
Many working parents aren’t able to take leave during the school holidays, and there are no holidays which are not way more expensive during official school holidays, “ budget” or not.
I used to particularly resent being thanked by teachers for supporting my own child, totally inappropriate , and inferring that most parents aren’t able to not meeting the required standard.
But none of this is a reason not to support the school by contributing to the PTA. It’s your children who will benefit from any extra funding raised. The school exists to educate the children. They do what they can with the money they have. But it’s not the school that suffers if the funding is not there, it’s the children. They
school itself is not a person, and doesn’t care or not care if the kids don’t have shiny new books or iPads, it’s the children who benefit from the extras, and who enjoy some of the extra fundays put in place by PTAs.

I didn't join the PTA because it seemed like the school had beef with them, and I didn't want to get involved in some weird tension thing. Running the Halloween disco looks hard as well 😂 and I also think rewarding attendance is ableist, but our school had a vote on this in response to that feedback from a disabled parent, and people voted to keep the reward system, so I blame other parents.

Not sure how joining the PTA would prevent bullying according to a PP. They could quite as easily increase bullying rates!

What annoys me is parents moaning about the school and using that as a reason to not help out at the PTA events. Apart from exceptional circumstances most parents could help in some way but just can’t be bothered.

If you’re not happy join the pta and use your position to improve the newsletter and anything else you don’t like. If you don’t opt in you can’t really complain

The PTA isn't writing the messages and I'm pretty sure lack of funding isn't going to improve the tone of them. If they don't apply to you then I don't know why you're getting worked up. Teachers don't have time to second guess whether someone is going to take issue with every word they write in a weekly newsletter.

All schools publish something about attendance in the newsletter. It's a big push coming from way above individual school level.

I really like the way your school words messages- they are truthful and to the point! My HT sends much more flowery sickly versions of the same messages which everyone ignores.

Ouch.

Whatever poor staff member has been given the responsibility of writing the Newsletter clearly isn't awfully aware of how they come across.

In fairness, these people spend the majority of their time around little ones - they're like full time kids tv presenters, overly bubbly and sweet and, yes, sometimes awfully patronising.

It's a real shame for the kids when relations between parents and the school break down but there are ways to make yourselves heard and actually the PTA is a good way of representing parents within a school community.

As irritating as those messages sound, all of them have a good point and schools are having to rely more and more on PTA raised cash for day to day things.

Refusing to help out or contribute doesn't so much negatively impact on the staff as it does on the kids.

Why would the PTA have anything to do with the newsletter?
It's nothing to do with the PTA.

My junior/infants school sent a letter explaining that ' due to the curriculum' ( that is an excuse for everything ) parents are reminded that they should be teaching their children ' basic maths, spelling and writing, and keeping them up with their reading'
I would agree that the curriculum does include these vital skills but isn't the teachers main job?
It also doesn't take into consideration that many parents have full time jobs, other younger siblings, handicapped or SEN children. What about sole parents or those without help from their partners . It also assumes that the parents have time and a good enough education to be able to teach their children, and do not have dyslexia or health issues themselves.

True but it’s mean the disabled children are left behind while other children are congratulated for things outside their control

No, I’m sending my child to be educated by them. I kind of HAVE to do that. I don’t have to organise events with people I can’t stand however.

Yes, it does. But the email is still not aimed at you.

You have to separate the PTA from the school as they are separate issues but generally I think there is a bit of a correlation between engagement with the PTA and the general vibe re how happy parents are with the school. Once people get pissed off about one thing, they’re a bit less likely to want to be super engaged on others. You also seem to see a difference between infants and older kids. I think people can be shiny and enthusiastic at first but become more cynical after the 8th tea towel sale.

School newsletters are very dispiriting documents, I have found. The authors are used to addressing the young and forget to change their manner for the old and crabby. People don't need to hear about Clarissa's intellectual prowess or Nigel's perfect attendance unless they are Clarissa's or Nigel's parents!