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Original poster

Adult (20) Stepdaughter Won’t Wash Her Dishes

249 replies

Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 14:33

Hi,
Shes 20, doesn’t go to school, doesn’t work. Doesn’t lift one finger around the house. She also leaves trash on the counter when the trash can is full. I cook for her, bring her food if I buy food for myself. No consideration. I’m not allowed to tell her anything per my partner’s request. What are ways I can hint things at her or actions to let her know I’m upset at the way she lives her life?

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 21/03/2025 17:03

What would happen if you did challenge her? If you stood up for yourself, and told her to sort herself out? How would your partner react?

OrangePerfume · 21/03/2025 17:04

If you don't want to work and want him to provide for you and your son, then this is the price you must pay. Nothing is for nothing.

However, he could tell you to clear out tomorrow-maybe his daughter will tell him that she doesn't like living with you and it sounds as if that is all she would need to say to have him send you on your way.

If it happens like that, you won't have the luxury of preparing and will end up having to ask someone to take you both in.

If you leave under your own steam, you will have the luxury of setting the timetable to suit yourself.

Has he put any assets into your name? If not, that's a very loud indication of how he views the future?

Do you have assets of your own? If you do, don't bother wasting any time planning just pack a bag and go. If he wants you, he'll come after you and you can tell him that his daughter is too much for you and, if he wants you enough, he will address that.

Stop making a rub rag of yourself.

Nowvoyager99 · 21/03/2025 17:04

So PP were correct. You are a Bangmaid.

MyLimeGuide · 21/03/2025 17:04

Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 17:00

yes, I have 4 soon to be step children. All the mothers of these children pawned them off on him, except for the boy how mostly stays with one of the moms. We are engaged, soon to be married next year. He has kept me from his finances arms length but takes care of my son and I. I don’t work. But I do cook, clean, run errands and do all things that require for the home to run smoothly.

So has basically 'hired you'

S0dsc0leslaw · 21/03/2025 17:04

PonyPatter44 · 21/03/2025 17:03

What would happen if you did challenge her? If you stood up for yourself, and told her to sort herself out? How would your partner react?

On her other thread OP said that if she didn't like the status quote that she should leave. Which sounds like a good idea.

Original poster
Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 17:06

If you put it that way, yes it sounds like he has.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 17:06

He would leave me. It’s his daughter first. It’s okay my son is first too. So f*ck him.

OP posts:
S0dsc0leslaw · 21/03/2025 17:08

OrangePerfume · 21/03/2025 17:04

If you don't want to work and want him to provide for you and your son, then this is the price you must pay. Nothing is for nothing.

However, he could tell you to clear out tomorrow-maybe his daughter will tell him that she doesn't like living with you and it sounds as if that is all she would need to say to have him send you on your way.

If it happens like that, you won't have the luxury of preparing and will end up having to ask someone to take you both in.

If you leave under your own steam, you will have the luxury of setting the timetable to suit yourself.

Has he put any assets into your name? If not, that's a very loud indication of how he views the future?

Do you have assets of your own? If you do, don't bother wasting any time planning just pack a bag and go. If he wants you, he'll come after you and you can tell him that his daughter is too much for you and, if he wants you enough, he will address that.

Stop making a rub rag of yourself.

Edited

This.

You've given up all control to him, making you and your son very vulnerable. I imagine there will be a prenup to sign if you do end up married, so you'll still be vulnerable.

Original poster
Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 17:09

thank you for your reply. He has put nothing in my name. Zero. I don’t have any assets. I told him I wanted to invest in something and he has told me right now is not the time to do so. He won’t put my name on anything. And I have a feeling he won’t either when we’re married. I understand he worked hard for his money and assets. I’m not trying to take anything, I just want to be prepared in case of anything and it seems as though I’m doing it all wrong

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 17:11

Yes, I can already see him asking me for a prenup. That’s fine I’ll sign his shit idc

OP posts:
RunningJo · 21/03/2025 17:11

Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 14:52

It’s his house, he pays the rent, and I’ve lived with her for 3 years. If I don’t feed her she will starve.

She won’t starve, she will learn to cook and at the same time might find some appreciation for you.
I’d not be doing anything for her at all. She’s 20, not 5.
Let her washing up stack up, when her Dad wants to know why there are no clean plates, tell him.
At her age her behaviour is beyond a joke.

Longsummerdays25 · 21/03/2025 17:12

What is your long term plan op?

PonyPatter44 · 21/03/2025 17:12

If i were you, my love, I'd be finding a job next week. You have zero life security right now. The only way you'll get some security us if you get pregnant, but when he gets bored, he'll chuck you out and keep your baby. He'll probably let you keep your son, but who knows - if he makes it super fun at his place with motorbikes and PlayStation, your son might rather stay with "dad".

Original poster
Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 17:12

Good idea.

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 21/03/2025 17:12

Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 16:52

She has zero self help skills

She either has some form of disability or that’s not true. Anyone can pick up a piece of fruit and eat it

MissMoneyFairy · 21/03/2025 17:13

Don't marry him, it sounds awful, it will be a constant battle of him trying to control everything.

MyLimeGuide · 21/03/2025 17:13

You definitely need to get some independence OP get back into the working world. Leave him, this is not sort of life and I'm sure you deserve better.

Original poster
Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 17:13

You have to witness it to believe it. See not even you believe how terrible she is. It’s scary!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 17:15

It was to marry him and my son and I to be financially stable. I know I sound like a gold digger but I truly love him with all my heart. I just didn’t expect him to have me ride on his coat tail. I thought he was going to make me his other half and partner in succeeding in life

OP posts:
Longsummerdays25 · 21/03/2025 17:15

You have nothing to gain from this relationship. He is going to use the best years of your life and then leave everything to his children. You will be left with nothing.

You would be better off in a proper relationship with someone that loves and respects you, and has assets to share so you don’t slave at home for nothing for decades.

Original poster
Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 17:16

This hit home. 💯

OP posts:
Jom222 · 21/03/2025 17:16

Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 14:52

It’s his house, he pays the rent, and I’ve lived with her for 3 years. If I don’t feed her she will starve.

I'm not confident she would actually starve to death if you stopped feeding her LOL

OrangePerfume · 21/03/2025 17:17

If you do get him to marry you, then you will have a call on at least some of his assets because the law will offer you some protection.

I imagine he is well aware of this though.

Suggest that you get married on the next available date the registry office has. Flush him out.

At the moment, you are at the mercy of his daughter because if she tells him you are making him unhappy, he will tell you to go,

Take back some control. If he comes after you, asking you to return, you can set some terms and if he doesn't-well he was never going to love you properly anyway.

It will be difficult to go from luxurious surroundings to not so luxurious but it is better to have a hovel of your own then be a palace guest at risk of being kicked out without notice.

Don't allow him and his daughter to treat you as someone lower than a worm because, by extension, that's what they think of your son too.

Gather a little courage. He will value you more if you value yourself

Longsummerdays25 · 21/03/2025 17:18

You can do far better than this op.

MissMoneyFairy · 21/03/2025 17:20

Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 17:15

It was to marry him and my son and I to be financially stable. I know I sound like a gold digger but I truly love him with all my heart. I just didn’t expect him to have me ride on his coat tail. I thought he was going to make me his other half and partner in succeeding in life

You will be forever in his debt financially and emotionally. Your son and you deserve better but you sound happy to be dependent on him, like ppl said, you'll end up with nothing anyway. People who truly are and trust each other don't need pre nups. Which country are you in,