Adult (20) Stepdaughter Won’t Wash Her Dishes

[Flowerchild1]

Hi,
Shes 20, doesn’t go to school, doesn’t work. Doesn’t lift one finger around the house. She also leaves trash on the counter when the trash can is full. I cook for her, bring her food if I buy food for myself. No consideration. I’m not allowed to tell her anything per my partner’s request. What are ways I can hint things at her or actions to let her know I’m upset at the way she lives her life?

Why doesn't her father feed her?

Seriously, why are you there? Free lodgings?

You're being taken for a fool.

Don't you have more respect for yourself than this?

Be doesn’t need to, he has a skivvy to do that

Yeah it’s completely weird and I feel something isn’t being said.

Are you beholden to her dad in some way op?

An who isn't allowed to comment either .

@Flowerchild1 Please read the quoted post. I’m not sure how your husband is protecting you if he always keeps quiet and never sides with you. Do you work? It might help to have your own financial freedom because this relationship sounds toxic. You’ve been in your stepdaughter’s life since she was 17. Where’s her mum? OP, another thing, what do you mean that you’re not allowed to comment? What happens if you do? Does he snap? Is he verbally abusive?

Im not working right now and he’s financially taking care of my son and I. So I also feel like I owe him something. So I cook, clean, and well his daughter is taking a toll on me.

Your next job will be wiping his bottom while still being the kids’ servant.

The cost of him having to employ a full time housekeeper/cook will far outweigh your free rent. He’s not got his multiple houses and plentiful money by being an idiot, has he.

@Flowerchild1 Try to see what benefits you can receive for you and your son. Do you have IRL support?

Do you have any savings or property op? You are very vulnerable. Marry him or get a job asap.

Move out and leave them to it. Your partner's ok with you catering to a grown, lazy woman, which seems to me that he really doesn't care about you in all of this

Why on earth do you think a 20 year old woman would starve if you didn't feed her? That's ludicrous.

She has zero self help skills

The problem is op unless you get some financial independence you are forever going to be compromised.

If you must, then warm up soup for her every day from a tin. That’s it. She doesn’t sound well tbh, most 20 year olds are completely independent

What is keeping you in this dreadful situation?

@Nowvoyager99 It looks like OP doesn’t work and her husband/partner is financially providing for her and her son.

She will not starve.

Is she bipolar or not? Your other thread calls her very bipolar. If she is, is she getting adequate help for it?

Move out and dump the pair of them. You deserve better than just to be a housekeeper/modern day slave.

OP, correct me if I am wrong, you have 4 stepchildren in their 20s? Are you married? Do you have any financial stability?

Okay, she's clearly either neurodiverse or has mental health issues. She needs to be seen by a GP. If her father hasn't addressed this then he's neglectful.

yes, I have 4 soon to be step children. All the mothers of these children pawned them off on him, except for the boy how mostly stays with one of the moms. We are engaged, soon to be married next year. He has kept me from his finances arms length but takes care of my son and I. I don’t work. But I do cook, clean, run errands and do all things that require for the home to run smoothly.

Thank you. This is what I was thinking too. He is very traditional so he doesn’t believe anyone should have to talk to a counselor. I have suggested that and he said she is fine. He admitted she doesn’t like to do chores or socialize but he thinks there is nothing wrong with her.

This.