Adult (20) Stepdaughter Won’t Wash Her Dishes

[Flowerchild1]

Hi,
Shes 20, doesn’t go to school, doesn’t work. Doesn’t lift one finger around the house. She also leaves trash on the counter when the trash can is full. I cook for her, bring her food if I buy food for myself. No consideration. I’m not allowed to tell her anything per my partner’s request. What are ways I can hint things at her or actions to let her know I’m upset at the way she lives her life?

No she doesn’t. Can laziness be a disease? She won’t shower, won’t brush her teeth, washed her clothes once every 6 months…

My dad had just dropped down dead and my mum was bereaved and didn't fancy cooking for me anymore as she was grieving and working full time to support us.
I was delighted to be given a budget and got to choose my own food and teach myself to cook.
I'm sorry you wish to paint my life as tragic as a child. That was one of the more positive parts.

Is she ND or suffering from mental health problems? Her dad needs to step up.

No she won’t - she is an adult and will manage to feed herself. Stop being her maid and cook, @Flowerchild1.

I have 4 stepchildren

@Flowerchild1 why are you treating a 20 year old like a little child??? How do you think she managed before you came along?? Honestly this "story" stinks worse than week old fish

He won’t. He doesn’t bother her or expect anything from her.

@Flowerchild1

so why don’t you leave then? I’d rather be in a bedsit than live like you’re living.

but if this man is 100% supporting you I’m afraid you’ll just have to suck it up since you have no real ‘leverage’ to force a change.

You're a bangmaid for a shitty man and father who has told you to leave if you don't like it.

Take him up on that. This is a horrible example for your own kid.

OP it's coming across that this man moved you in to look after his children. He'd let his daughter starve and suffer depression or whatever she's going through and he doesn't care.

You need to finish the relationship as you're living a life of servitude.

Nope. I messed up. I know. Now I know why he kept them a secret and hidden the entire time. I thought he was just protecting them, but he was protecting me. Now I’m in it.

He was protecting himself.

He's got what he wanted, and hasn't thought about you or his kids throughout this mess.

You’re in it. So get yourself out of it.

Come on, you can see the issue in other people’s situations:

Flowerchild1 · Today 01:36

He has no respect for you, so that’s why his family doesn’t respect you.

Take a massive step back and see that you’ve got yourself into a miserable situation with a rubbish father and you’re trying to undo 20 years of his crap parenting.

Leave them both to rot!

Why can’t her dad feed her?
I can’t even believe I’ve asked that she should feed herself!

She's 20. Don't be ridiculous.

Why are you living with a man who expects you to treat his adult daughter like a 4 year old? Move out.

Hardly. They're not your children and you're not married.

Move out. You're not respected. Or let them walk all over you.

He will bring her fast food from time to time. But she drives and always has money on her. My fiancé is very successful and makes sure all his kids are taken care of in another sense. I think he just depends on me now to make sure she’s taken care of.

She will not 'starve'. She's an adult, same as you.

It's not a good idea to be dependent on a boyfriend for housing, can you secure a property of your own and just date your boyfriend if he's worth dating, and no need to involve his four kids?

He's very success

Yes, I know he had to respect me to model the behavior from the beginning. It doesn’t help all his children are in their 20s. They’re going to make up their mind about me according to their personalities. He never sided with me once. He has always kept quiet.