Adult (20) Stepdaughter Won’t Wash Her Dishes

[Flowerchild1]

Hi,
Shes 20, doesn’t go to school, doesn’t work. Doesn’t lift one finger around the house. She also leaves trash on the counter when the trash can is full. I cook for her, bring her food if I buy food for myself. No consideration. I’m not allowed to tell her anything per my partner’s request. What are ways I can hint things at her or actions to let her know I’m upset at the way she lives her life?

Take a leaf out of his book, do exactly the same give nothing and ask for nothing.

She's an adult for heavens sake very much doubt she'll starve unless her upper and lower limbs are not working she can get herself to the kitchen and make her own meals.

I think you're probably right. Sometimes it's extremely hard to believe some threads are real.

Why would OP feel it her duty to make sure another adult is fed?
Why would OP allow her fiance to treat her in such a manner?
Why would OP consider marrying such a man?

Nah, not buying it...

I can only assume there's a massive backstory here because there are so many unanswered questions:

1. Why has this only started bothering you after 3 years?
2. If the woman can drive and carry cash, why can't she microwave a ready meal and stick the plate in the dishwasher?
3. Why is a rich owner of multiple properties renting a property?
4. Why are you forbidden from asking the woman to put her plates in the dishwasher?
5. And why have you gone along with this stupid rule for 3 years?
6. Do you work or are you financially dependent on many-house-man?

Please give us the context, OP, so we can make constructive suggestions which you may find useful!

Assuming you aren’t married, you have two choices.

Go on strike

Leave.

I would have left a long time ago.

It’s not the only thread.

So a 20yo with no disabilities does not work or study, chooses not to maintain personal hygiene and opts out of any household tasks. And yet her parent thinks this is fine?

This in itself would kill my feelings and respect for a partner. Unless you’re up for another 40 years of this I’d make plans to move out now, OP.

You are enabling her. Just stop doing things for her she’s an adult. She will not starve.

Yeah. I think it's all made up

I couldn’t live like this, I would move out PDQ.

Sounds to me like one of those patriarchal families from certain cultures, where the marriage is all about the bride looking after the groom's parents in their home, and bride has no say anymore.

Except in this case it is children. Grown adult children who are dictating how OP lives her life in her home. Fiance now has a wife, "mother" cook, cleaner and slave.

Would I be on the right track..... And is former wife deceased, or did she leave/divorce to escape a similar fate I wonder.

Move out. Not your circus, not your monkey.

In your other thread you call her "very bipolar", so does she have a mental health condition, or are you using bipolar as a slur?

Your partner also told you to leave if you don't like the situation, which I think sounds like the best idea.

I'd move out. I wouldn't be cooking and cleaning up for a grown arse adult. I also wouldn't be living in filth. I'd leave and live alone.

You have a DH problem.

@Flowerchild1

So again...why are you staying? You're basically a 'nanny with a fanny', but in your case the 'child' is an adult.

One other question...what would he do if you 'downed tools' and refused to be a live in maid for your SD?

Then so be it - she starves.

No she won’t. , not unless she is severely disabled and not able to purchase food and feed herself. If that is the case then you are being used as an unpaid carer.

Better to move out, dump the weird partner and his lazy daughter.

No she won't.

And probably fake

Some people were raised right and actually are good people and care too much. Which is me. I wrote this thread out of exhaustion and frustration. Obviously I care about her to a certain extend bc I do all those things for her. I just came here for help. Thank you for the feedback.

You're the maid. If you want to remain as the maid for the foreseeable, keep on as you are.

If you leave, he will simply find another maid hut that's not your problem.

Come. On. Now.

You moved in without even meeting his kids.

That's not caring. That's wild

If you want to play the martyr, fine, but nobody's giving you cookies for being the bangmaid and doing for adults who can do for themselves and then whining about it so you can get some back pats.

The daughter's got a car and drives, ffs.

OP you were raised to be a people pleaser and to put everyone before you. That's what 'nice' people do...

He saw you coming. Try being nice to yourself for a change and get out of that house.

You're a doormat and a martyr - why haven't you addressed everyone telling you to just leave?

You are the unpaid babysitter/maid. Whilst you are cooking and cleaning for him for free, and providing sex any chance of you putting your time to good use for your own property and pension is being completely sacrificed.

He will turf you out penniless when he no longer needs you, please make a proper plan for now and old age, you are being shamelessly used.