What's everyone's favourite joke

[Anon9898]

My boys have none uniform day and have to go to school with a joke?

What is everyone's favourite CLEAN joke

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

We rehomed the local blacksmith's dog. Took it home and it made a bolt for the door 😂

What did the grape say when the elephant trod on it?

Nothing; it just gave a little w(h)ine.

What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park in it, man.

What did st Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?
“Are you all right in the back there boys?”

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs? A wonky! Was DS's favourite joke for years.

What did the pig put on its poorly foot?

Oinkment

Also:

Mummy tomato, Daddy tomato and Baby tomato were walking along the road and Baby tomato fell behind. Mummy tomato turned round and said 'come on, ketchup!'

Q: What’s yellow with a 10 foot wingspan?
A: A 2 tonne budgie.
The cracker joke that still makes me laugh 3 decades on.

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a bunny.
Response: I don’t know. What do you get… etc.
Answer: A lot of complaints from the anti-genetic engineering lobby.

What's a cat's favourite colour?
Purrrrrrple
I've heard it 100 times from a 4 year old but it makes himself laugh so much.

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt.

My friend bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta [past her]!

Why do elephants paint their toe nails yellow?
So they can hide upside down in custard. Have you ever seen one? [ans- No]
Shows what a good disguise it is!

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field! 😁

When it’s raining cats and dogs, what do you have to be careful not to step in?

A poodle

😆

What do you get if you cross an angry sheep with an angry cow?
Someone who’s in a very baaaaaaaaad moooooooooood!

A man walked into a bar…….. ouch

How do you know if you've got elephants in the fridge?

Footprints in the butter.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

How do you know it works?

Have you ever seen and elephant in a cherry tree?

Doctor doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains.

Pull yourself together.

What do you call a French sandal maker?

Phillipe Phlopp

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no lefs

still no idea.

What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador

How do you make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles

Why is the mushroom always invited to the party?

because he’s a fun guy

Did you hear about the magic tractor?
it turned into a field

My favourite joke when I was about four and had just started to understand the concept of, "joke" was, "What time is it when an elephant sits on a wall?"
"Time to build a new one."

AWFUL. JUST AWFUL.

Another, more sophisticated one which doesn't really translate to 2025 and is absolutely useless to you or your boys went like this.

A rabbit walks into a bar. He says, I'll have a Guinness and a cheese toastie."
The barman serves him then after a while he comes back to the bar and says, "I'll have another glass and a cheese and tomato toastie."
"OK, so."
But the rabbit still isn't finished, he comes back and says, "Pour me another, please barman and I'll take a cheese and ham toastie, this time."
The rabbit drinks his last pint and nibbles through his last toastie. Then wanders into the dark night.

The poor rabbit was found dead in the morning. Verdict: Mixing My Toasties.

What do you get if your pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?

Hot, cross bunnies.

Oh I love the elephant jokes!

What about:
How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?

Your nose touches the ceiling.