What's everyone's favourite joke

[Anon9898]

My boys have none uniform day and have to go to school with a joke?

What is everyone's favourite CLEAN joke

What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe 😁

What's the scariest plant in the jungle?

Bam BOO

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves?
Russell

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug

What do you call a man without a spade in his head?
Douglas (dug-less)

Stallone, "I'm making a movie about famous composers. I'll be Beethoven."
Van Damme, "I'll be Mozart."

Schwarzenegger, "Stop it, I'm not saying it."

What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head?
Warren

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven ate nine.
(789)

Why must you never trust an atom?
Because they make up everything

Did you hear the one about the Spanish magician?
He stood on the stage with his wand and said, “Watch this trick! Uno….dos…”

then he disappeared without a tres (trace)

What’s a dentist’s favourite time?

2.30
(tooth hurty)

What do you call a fashion conscious dinosaur? Try several tops.

I love that the very first reply is my favourite too

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large-breasted crab?

One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

Why did the baker have brown hands?

because he kneaded a poo

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug.

What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
Douglas.

Loving these!!!

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?

A penguin rolling down a hill.

I have several. My username is the punchline to one of them:

Why do communists only drink fruit tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

Also...

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.

And finally...

Why is it so hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac?
Because they always take things literally.

They aren't everyone's cup of tea

What do you call a snake with no clothes on?

S-naked.

My favourite jokes are those that offend.

I thought it was a woolly jumper???!

OP, it’s “non” not “none” - aaaarrrgghhhh!!!! So many people get that wrong! It hursts my eyes each time I see it!

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto

Who is the warmest athlete?
The long jumper

What has ten toes but isn’t your feet?

My feet.

I used to be a werewolf, but I'm OK nooooooow!

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they prefer to sit in the dark.

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he'll just hold the bulb up, and wait for the world to revolve around him.

What's yellow and dangerous?
Shark-infested custard.

What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison? You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.