What's everyone's favourite joke

[Anon9898]

My boys have none uniform day and have to go to school with a joke?

What is everyone's favourite CLEAN joke

My mate bought a paper shop....
..but it blew away ?
(Newsagents)
😂

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no ears?

Anything you want, he still won't come!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Siobhan.
Siobhan who?
Siobhan your knickers—your mother’s coming

What do you call Postman Pat when he’s retired?

Pat

What's the bare minimum?

1 bear!

(Funnier when not written down)

Farmer to his dog: run off into that field, Shep and round up those sheep will you

Shep: ok boss. Off the dog goes and comes back a few minutes later with the sheep ' there you go boss, 10 sheep'

Farmer: 10 sheep? There were only 9 when I let then out last night

Shep: well, you did say to round them up

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

• A stick...

What does a crab call its home?

• Michelle!

😂😃😂😃😂😃😂😃

“What’s the difference between curtains and toilet paper?”
(most reposed with I don’t know)
”so it was you, then”

& then this one’s hard to write out but when it’s delivered well tickles me.

knock knock
(Who’s there?)
interrupting cow
interrup-
MOOOO!!

What does dentist of the year win?
A little plaque 😂

Comic Sans walked into a bar, they said ‘we don’t serve your type in here’

I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow was gone.

how do you know there’s an elephant in the fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
How do you get four elephants in a Mini?
Two in the front, two in the back.
How do you know if there’s four elephants in the fridge?
The Mini’s parked outside

A man went to the doctor and said, Doctor, I can’t hear very well.
The doctor looked in one ear and said, hmm, sponge cake.
He looked in the other and said hmm, custard.
Yes I’m afraid you’re a trifle deaf.

My favourite as a 13 year old:

Geoffrey, Bungle's going out!

Well put some more petrol on him, Zippy!

what sort of nuts can you wear on your feet?
cashews

where do pirates get their hooks from? A second hand shop

What do you call a man jokes are hilarious...a more acceptable one:
Whaddya call a man under a pile of leaves?

• Russell

A woman who throws her bills on the fire?

• Bernadette

(For the oldies like moi) 2 people in raincoats in a churchyard?

• Max Bygraves

...and many more! 😆

This is my all time favourite 😁

Don’t get this one.

There are no snakes in Ireland and the legend is that he drove (ie chased) them out of the country. The word play is that he's driving them out in a car.

My dad went to join a new dominoes club. They were queuing round the block! Trouble is the person at the back fell over. I think we all know what happened next... !

How can you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

It depends on whether you see them later, or in a while.

Mu auntie has just started dating a chap who works in the zoo. She says he's a keeper

And one for old music fans:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Ah
Ah who?
Werewolves Of London!

I love this one! 🤣

As a social worker...

How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Just the one but the lightbulb has to want to change !

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He needed a little space.