What's everyone's favourite joke

[Anon9898]

My boys have none uniform day and have to go to school with a joke?

What is everyone's favourite CLEAN joke

Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other “you drive, I’ll man the guns”

How many elephants can you get in a Mini?

4 - 2 in the front, 2 in the back.

How many giraffes can you get in a Mini?

None - it's full of elephants 😆

Or, maybe it was just a typo. Like hursts.

Aaarrghhh!!!!

This one is the best!

Also, what do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum?
Warren

A man gets a phone call from his doctor.
Doctor: "Which do you want first, the bad news or the worse news?"
Man: "Err...I'll have the bad news please"
Doctor: "You have 24 hours to live"
Man: "Oh my god!! That's terrible!!
...What on earth is the worse news?"
Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday".

I remember reading this joke when I was about 10 and not getting it because you can't wash your hands in a bison either. It was only when my brother repeated in a Lorraine Chase "Luton Airport" accent that I got it.

I think my DC made this one up:

Q: "What's up your nose and does magic"?

A: Harry Snotter.

I'll get my coat,

How do you get 2 whales in a Mini?
Down the M4 and over the Severn Bridge.

What is blue and not very heavy?
Light blue

What should you do if you're addicted to seaweed?
Sea kelp

How do you think the unthinkable?

Thteer it into an ithberg

Knock knock
who’s there?
interrupting cow
interrupting cow wh…..
MOOOOO!

That's my favorite joke.

Followed by two more classics.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Needup
Needup who?
Ewww need a poo?

Followed by the even more jovial
Knock knock
Who's there
Dunnup...

🤣

My version of this begins: what do you call a man with fifty rabbits up his bum?

Have you heard the story of the Old Empty Barn?

What do you call a man with a wireless router, laptop, phone and printer on his head?

Alan.

A heavy set woman cycled by so I yelled 'Cow!'. She gave me the finger, then crashed into the cow.

The first joke my daughter ever told me at 3 years old:
How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep?
You rock it (rocket)

That reminds me of a similar one...

A man is being interviewed for a job and the interviewer says "Well, your CV seems good, but I'm rather concerned about this 4-year gap - how do you explain that?"

The man replies "Ah, yes, that was when I was in Yale."

The interviewer says "Wow, that is impressive! In that case, I'd like to offer you the role right now."

The man says "Thank you very much - I yust want to say how yoyful that makes me, as I really need this yob!"

2 parrots sitting on a perch, one says, "can you smell fish?"

Why did the baker have brown hands?
He kneaded a poo.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

😂 my kids loved this (we like maths/ science jokes in our household 🤓 )

What do you call a man and wife fishing in a boat?
Rod and Annette

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, you're a poo!

These versions of Warren are quite blue! 😳

What’s got a bottom at its top?

A leg.