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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not invited to sister-in-law’s wedding

407 replies

Unlisted · 20/03/2025 16:52

Right it’s my first post but it’s a long one. I want to give full background.

I am very close to my family and DH would say he was close to his as well. He probably sees his mother three or four times a week, if he is working at home he will pick the kids up and drop in to see them. I don’t think he would care if I ever saw them.

I however make him see my family, not every time I see them but enough. I am close to my sister and my BiL naturally gravitates to my DH who acknowledges that he is a good guy but who he finds boring. At our wedding FiL met my BiL and nicknamed him Joe90- a puppet from the 60s!

Every time we go to see them as a family , maybe every month DH used to ask if he had to go and then my son would say the same. It was hurtful so he stopped.

About twice sometimes three times a year Sister and BiL get heavily discounted holidays and travel and we occasionally join them for a couple of days.

On Sunday we were arranging to meet them at a holiday destination after Easter but DH kept saying he wouldn’t be available. He wouldn’t elucidate but kept repeating that I should go ahead with the kids. It was really embarrassing because he wouldn’t tell me why.

We got in the car and I asked him why he couldn’t confirm and my normally mild mannered good humoured husband pulled over and screamed at the top of his lungs a few centimetres from my face and in front of the kids said that he’d be at his sister’s wedding. She is getting married in a quiet ceremony with close friends and family as his family aren’t freaks like mine!

I think I have a good relationship with his family. I am stunned,

I am not invited (neither are the other partners).

I was crying my eyes out and he was so serious with the kids about how they had to keep everything a secret as his mother doesn’t know yet.

My five year old now uses the word freak all the time.

He has apologised but I want an explanation. He says it’s not his gig!

OP posts:
Freedompassed · 20/03/2025 16:56

That's horrid. I'm sorry.

Whatsitreallylike · 20/03/2025 16:59

Your husband is the red flag here!

HansHolbein · 20/03/2025 17:00

Can’t believe what I’ve just read. That’s awful. I’m so sorry.

stayathomer · 20/03/2025 17:01

His mother doesn’t know his sister is getting married? Was my first thought but other than that how can he not have told you? Op that’s pretty huge- he was probably put in a tight spot but still x

pizzaHeart · 20/03/2025 17:02

So are your kids invited?

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 20/03/2025 17:02

Someone who behaves as you describe has a screw loose.

SardinesOnGingerbread · 20/03/2025 17:04

I would absolutely leave over this for so many reasons. I'm completely inviting the 'Oh but if he's an excellent father and a top husband the rest of the time' brigade, but there are lines I choose not to cross and showing my children that I will be treated this way is one of them. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Lanzarotelady · 20/03/2025 17:04

His mother doesn't know her daughter is getting married?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 20/03/2025 17:05

Why the hell is he screaming in your face? What are you supposed to have done wrong? He sounds pretty bloody odd to be honest.

CanOfMangoTango · 20/03/2025 17:05

Your DH is the freak here, my goodness.

LyndzB · 20/03/2025 17:05

What bizarre behaviour I would be sleeping in the same bed as him. Has anything changed in your lives recently?

ChinaChina · 20/03/2025 17:07

Not the point of the thread but why don’t you just accept your DH doesn’t want to spend time with your family?

minnienono · 20/03/2025 17:07

Odd all around but other partners aren’t invited, the mother doesn’t know so of course it’s an issue they have. I think you need to accept his apology and make your own plans

backinthebox · 20/03/2025 17:08

Your DH behaves like that then has the cheek to say your family are freaks? He needs to take a look in the mirror!

IberianBird · 20/03/2025 17:08

The screaming in your face is completely unacceptable, I would not stand for that.
The wedding invite, or lack of, is so-so. No other partners are being invited so it's not personal, sounds like a small wedding? Weird that his mum doesn't know....

FranticHare · 20/03/2025 17:09

Strange behaviour. Wonder if its because he knows he is in the wrong, and knows what his family is doing is plain weird (or freakish), and that's caused him to act out?

Either way, that would take some getting back from. I would be insulted that a) he hadn't told me, b) that my own SIL thinks that little of my family she wants none of us at her wedding (I mean her choice, but still) and c) how little he thinks of my own family.

There's a lot to unpack there!! I wouldn't be in a rush to forgive that kind of behaviour, especially in front of the children.

mylittlekomododragon · 20/03/2025 17:09

That is bizarre behaviour. And in front of the kids too. He’s the freak.

2Rebecca · 20/03/2025 17:11

Your husband telling you in that way is awful. You do seem to spend a lot of time with your sister and her husband though and I don't see why your husband does have to tag along if he's not keen. 3 holidays a year and monthly visits to people he's not fussed about sound a lot. Do you get dragged along to his family? Obviously not to the wedding but it sounds as though you browbeat/ guilt trip him in to seeing your sister and he doesn't feel able to tell you/ won't tell you about his family's stuff. Focus less on extended family and more on each other.

APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH · 20/03/2025 17:11

I’m so confused? His mum doesn’t know her DD is getting married or that partners aren’t invited?

The non invitation is weird. You’re his wife! Are they very skint?

His screaming in your face in font of the DC and telling them to keep secrets is abominable.

Jazz7 · 20/03/2025 17:12

Two issues here. If no partners and presumably no children invited then no reason to be upset it’s not just you. They are trying to keep costs down
husband screaming at you in front of children totally not acceptable and why is he so angry anyway?
rude comments on your family nasty. Being a bit boring hardly warrants being called freak!

Nowvoyager99 · 20/03/2025 17:12

Not being invited to the wedding is largely irrelevant in my view, especially as other partners aren’t invited.

The way your husband treated you, in front of your children, is bloody horrifying. I would LTB for that alone.

PicaK · 20/03/2025 17:12

I do think that if my partner said can't make it, have a lovely time. I'd have his back til we got somewhere on our own to find out what it is. Not ask, ask and ask again in front of other people.
I get why he was frustrated. The shouting in your face was over the top and not justified but his exasperation was justified if you kept pushing for an answer in company.
Them not inviting you is plain rude. But a different issue.

Ddakji · 20/03/2025 17:13

Your H and his family sound fairly unpleasant. The fact that you have to make him see your family once a month (in that he doesn’t just accept that adults in relationships see their other half ‘s family from time to time) says a lot too.

Might be just your phrasing, but is he your children’s father?

Cynic17 · 20/03/2025 17:13

People can invite whoever they like to their wedding, so I don't see the problem. Just a few siblings and friends sounds perfect, tbh.
Plus, I find it a bit odd that the OP almost forces her husband to spend time with her family - poor guy!
It is really not compulsory for families (and in laws) to be so enmeshed that they have to do everything together - sounds like a bit of space would be good for all.

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 20/03/2025 17:14

Your SIL has done nothing wrong, she's having a small wedding, and that's absolutely fine.

Your DH is an arsehole, and you should seriously consider leaving him.