Not invited to sister-in-law’s wedding

[Unlisted]

Right it’s my first post but it’s a long one. I want to give full background.

I am very close to my family and DH would say he was close to his as well. He probably sees his mother three or four times a week, if he is working at home he will pick the kids up and drop in to see them. I don’t think he would care if I ever saw them.

I however make him see my family, not every time I see them but enough. I am close to my sister and my BiL naturally gravitates to my DH who acknowledges that he is a good guy but who he finds boring. At our wedding FiL met my BiL and nicknamed him Joe90- a puppet from the 60s!

Every time we go to see them as a family , maybe every month DH used to ask if he had to go and then my son would say the same. It was hurtful so he stopped.

About twice sometimes three times a year Sister and BiL get heavily discounted holidays and travel and we occasionally join them for a couple of days.

On Sunday we were arranging to meet them at a holiday destination after Easter but DH kept saying he wouldn’t be available. He wouldn’t elucidate but kept repeating that I should go ahead with the kids. It was really embarrassing because he wouldn’t tell me why.

We got in the car and I asked him why he couldn’t confirm and my normally mild mannered good humoured husband pulled over and screamed at the top of his lungs a few centimetres from my face and in front of the kids said that he’d be at his sister’s wedding. She is getting married in a quiet ceremony with close friends and family as his family aren’t freaks like mine!

I think I have a good relationship with his family. I am stunned,

I am not invited (neither are the other partners).

I was crying my eyes out and he was so serious with the kids about how they had to keep everything a secret as his mother doesn’t know yet.

My five year old now uses the word freak all the time.

He has apologised but I want an explanation. He says it’s not his gig!

The issue here isn't his sister getting married in a very small ceremony and inviting her siblings but none of the partners, it's your husband screaming in your face. 0

Not inviting your brother’s spouse is a shitty thing to do. Don’t invite anyone if that’s the way you are.

Keeping it a secret is also a red flag.

And seeing your in laws once a month is hardly emeshed. Though the H sounds very intertwined with his.

And have a lovely time on the holiday without your shitty DH.

That’s awful. It sounds like your husband knows how awful it is and consequently is ultra-defensive because he knows how unreasonable his sister is being. Your DH is probably feeling guilty and very conflicted but felt he couldn’t take it out on his sister. So he took it out on you.

That is awful behaviour- it’s his family who are the freaks not you.

Excellent father's don't scream in their wife's face in front of their kids.

Did you keep asking him why he couldn't go in front of everyone?

I feel if my brother said he's getting married, I'm invited but not dh and he hasn't told our parents yet, I'd be super uncomfortable if dh kept at me in front of his family. He's apologised for exploding.

Your husband sounds incredibly unpleasant. What does he add to your life?

Your SIL not inviting you IS shit, despite the insistence on here that ‘people can invite who they want to their wedding’.

Your husband, I have no words..

1. The lie 2. Screaming at you 3. Trying to act like your family is weird for acting like a family

My DH would tell me. And he also would be hurt I wasn’t invited.

Why is your aibu about the SIL wedding rather than the fact that your husband keeps secrets from you, is rude about your family, and screams in your face and calls you names for asking a perfectly normal question? That's what would concern me

Ignoring his sister not inviting you to her wedding....which is a red herring

his behaviour is OUTRAGEOUS on about 4 different levels.

Your DH is the problem here his treatment of you (whatever his bizarre internal logic) is totally unacceptable

Your DH is an arsehole.

All families have boring/ different/ nothing in common with your spouse members but so long as they are nice people and are not rude, as a spouse you suck it up for the sake of your partner.

Your DH does not. Maybe they don't like him too, because he is a dickhead.

Quite frankly I would be getting very annoyed at the disrespect and bad mouthing of my relatives and my DH would be getting his balls twisted in a vice.

@Thulpelly he'd tell you someone else's secret in front of your family? Would you really keep asking him in front of people instead of waiting until you're alone?

@Unlisted so his sister is getting married and her mother doesnt know??? that itself is freaky!! and none of the in laws are invited??? who are the so called freaks again??? However, his remark about your family being a bunch of freaks and yelling in your face is not ever acceptable!!! I think I might be really spiteful and phone his mother to ask why you are not invited to the wedding of the year (that she doesnt even know about)!!!!!

Him screaming in your face and calling your family freaks is shocking behaviour, and to me it would be pretty much unforgivable. Once you've seen/heard that then you can never unseen/unhear it.

Why the fuck couldn't he have just explained quietly to you what was actually happening instead of assuming that you were both psychic and stupid?

I know one case where a mother is not being invited to her daughter's wedding and is pissed off about it. Isn't even being told exactly when it is. The mother concerned though is a very nasty piece of work though, so I can totally see why she is not invited. So this sort of thing does happen.

Back to your DH now though, and I am thinking that this could be a deal-breaker for me. I'm not sure I could ever trust him to react in a reasonable manner again. It was disgraceful behaviour, especially in front of the children. 😲😠

Your DH is horrible and it’s not surprising his family are too.

you are not a freak. He is.

Your husband is a massive twat. Screaming in your face in the car and in front of your children is a disgrace. It’s like you are a big problem him treating you like that. He must have sounded like a right nutter.
Honestly, I would be kicking him out for that and I wouldn’t be making my children watch their words around their grandmother.

What the fuck?! Is he actually a toddler, why would he scream in your face? Has he done this before?

The wedding set up sounds fairly odd in its entirety but not a personal slight towards you.

Your husbands behaviour on the other hand, what on earth is that about? Why would he behave like that? That is what would bother me the most, here.

You’re upset about the wrong thing.

I think you need to accept that you contributed to your own embarrassment by pushing for an answer that wasn’t forthcoming in front of other people, and I can see why your DH was annoyed but his reaction was disgraceful.

So he handled it badly but you keep forcing him to socialise with your family, when he said he wasn't avaliable you went on and on no matter how many times he said he wasn't avaliable - you made the situation embarrassing. Then in the car you went at him again and he flipped.

He isn't solely to blame here. It's like you badger him into doing what you want

Also not telling his wife that the wedding was happening and she wasn’t invited. Privately.

Well you can’t really press anyone for more information, he’s right it isn’t anything to do with him and it’s incredibly rude to ask his sister particularly when the answer is clear - only siblings and no partners are attending.

As for the scene with your DH, it sounds crazy but it strikes me that it hasn’t come from nowhere surely? Is this how you regularly communicate?

This.

It is absolutely weird af that you aren't invited to your dh's sister's wedding and he has kept it a secret. What other secrets does he have?!

He sounds awful as does his family. Who mocks others for being boring? They all sound up their own arses I'd LTB tbh.