Help! Mothering Sunday and MIL wants to come over, but DH has outing planned with me!

[Yippetyjap]

Argh! How do I navigate this? My husband and son had planned to cook me a nice dinner and go on an outing for Mothering Sunday with me and our DS this year. Just had a text from MIL saying how about she came over to ours and we do a "shared buffet" for Mothering Sunday? I was really looking forward to go away for the day but don't want to be a monster and tell MIL not to come... What do I do???

AIBU- have her over
YANBU- suggest different day

"Oh sorry that would have been nice but we've already made plans to go out, we can do the week after if you want?"

Might be worth contacting a local salon to see if they will put a package together for you.

I think you tell her (nicely) that your DH and DC have arranged a trip/day for you this time, and then suggest an alternative day for a get together, looking forward to seeing her etc.

Ignore that!

Why didn’t she ask her son first? Just let your husband respond.

Your husband needs to tell her you already have plans.

Ask your dh to deal with it, sorry mum we are going out, I can pop over first thing or something

Sorry MIL, DH and I have plans for the Sunday and won’t be home but how about you corne over on the Saturday for a buffet tea?

Sounds like she's just trying to be nice and spend the day together (unless there's some big back story).
Can you go on your day out on the Saturday or ask if she can do the Saturday? It doesn't really matter which day I'm presuming.

I would reply with “that sounds very nice but my husband has plans for me”.

It always amazes me how much the words “my husband …” has the power to make people subside.

Suggest the Saturday? You’re also a mother, you get a day too!

Throw this one over to your DH. I think it can be resolved nicely without upsetting anyone but he should take the lead. He needs to say to his mother that he's organised to do something with you but that he would like to see her/do something with her at another time and arrange that.

Your DH's issue.

Thank you all so much! I know right, so first up why does she text me and not my husband?? Also in all honesty, I don't really fancy doing a buffet tea and then have to clean everything up! I think I might ask her to come over on the Saturday!

Sexism.

This. It’s not rude to already have plans. Suggest a different day, or do what several PPs have said and try to fit more than one thing in, move days around, etc. but fundamentally she’s not your mum so it’s your partner’s responsibility to sort out a card and flowers and to see her on the day or close to it.

If it were me I'd invite MIL to come on the outing....

My mum would think I’d lost my mind if I referred to DH as my husband rather than his name.

No definitely, you are totally right, she's a nice woman and she only means well, I also really don't mean to upset her in any way. I think I will suggest the Saturday instead, cook a nice meal for her or go up and see her (they live about an hour away from us).

Would she like the day out you have planned too? Could she join in?

If you like her why not suggest she comes over in the afternoon or evening once you’re back and have cake. Or DH can arrange something with her the day before. DH should be liaising with her, she’s his mother.

It's a surprise for me so I don't know what we will be doing, but it's likely to be something outdoorsey so won't be that suitable really

it is absolutely his call

Thank you everyone. So I have spoken to my husband who suggested the same as many of you guys- we will stick to our plan on Sunday and on Saturday we will drive up and see his mum and bring food and gifts. That way everyone gets their day. Thank you all so much!

Huh?