Help! Mothering Sunday and MIL wants to come over, but DH has outing planned with me!

[Yippetyjap]

Argh! How do I navigate this? My husband and son had planned to cook me a nice dinner and go on an outing for Mothering Sunday with me and our DS this year. Just had a text from MIL saying how about she came over to ours and we do a "shared buffet" for Mothering Sunday? I was really looking forward to go away for the day but don't want to be a monster and tell MIL not to come... What do I do???

AIBU- have her over
YANBU- suggest different day

Get her son to tell her that doesn’t work for you

Thank you all again for your suggestions! The reason I asked is partly because I really value my MIL and didn't want to upset her but also I am from a different culture and was wanting to ascertain I am not being rude. We are going to see her and bring gifts and arrange for a nice meal the day before, issue solved. Thanks again!

So true! I would never go out for a meal that day (to a pub or restaurant I mean), it's way too crowded.

I assumed the poster used that wording because she doesn’t know the op’s husbands name personally.

Ah I see what you mean! To be honest it might stem from me and her talking more frequently on whatsapp than them two as I love to organise our free time and my DH is very grateful for it (he enjoys seeing people but much more introvert than me)

Given that she specified twice saying the exact words, "my husband" I don't think it is about not knowing his name.

No. Some of the behaviour described on this and other fora about some MILs is disgusting.

They should be ashamed of themselves, and it is quite reasonable to talk about it, ask for advice and call them out when they are behaving badly.

If you don't behave badly, (eg don't expect a future DIL to be the family admin assistant) you'll be fine.

Thank you, you are very kind!

If you enjoy it, then fair enough! There are quite a lot of women who don't and are expected to arrange things, but your situation is clearly different. I think the plan sounds fine, good luck.

Would you be lumping them together if it was ops mum? Would you be judging her husband for not think of and organising something for his MIL?

Yeah I agree with you, sorry, I am unsure why I should be arranging a present for husbands mum, I arrange my own mother's present!

I was perhaps being too generous in my reading of the post!

Yes. It's Mother's day so barring nc familes there's usually a dm, their dm plus a mil. It's hardly rocket science to work out as a family when you're going to see them.

1. Op you sound lovely
2. your mil IS your husbands mother so this was on him to have actually considered her in the first place. Which he didn’t. Not great.
3. the ‘sexism’ comment was referring to your post where you detailed YOU would be cooking and cleaning for your MIL. Why would you? Why wouldn’t her son be? That was the sexism call. There is no reason other than pure misogyny, or him not having any limbs I guess, that you would be hosting his mother.

If she’s not pushy or sensitive then this should be a simple ‘sorry we’ve got plans, shall we do something on XX?’ Or even invite her over for the dinner (bonus that it’s your husband doing the cooking and cleaning anyway).

What is it with all the 'make her son sort it'. MILs and DILs can get on and have their own relationship you know. All she did was make a suggestion to spend the day together and making sure OP was ok with it because it's her mothers day too.

Lovely you have a compromise OP, and so nice to see in laws who get on!

(Although I do think your DH should have thought about arrangements for seeing his Mum before now)

Do what you would hope/expect any future partner of your son to do, when the time comes.

That comes across as very combative and quite rude. Unless there’s a huge backstory, no need for it in my opinion.
Just say ‘that sounds nice but we have plans for that day, can we do another time?’

I’d invite her on the trip if possible, but that’s only because we all get together in my family so that everyone can spend time with their mother’s, but I appreciate that’s not for everyone.

I wonder if she really wants to see her son on Mother’s Day but recognises he’s probably doing something for you? If she’s otherwise a nice person I’d probably invite along and let my husband know he’s on cooking/tidying duty. It depends on how much it means to you as a day, I’m pretty relaxed about it but I know others place a big value on it.

Why would you want to that - genuinely don't understand why you'd try and be territorial over your husband.

It will upset/irritate her as much as her saying 'my son' would do the same to you.

Totally un necessary when all the poor woman has suggested is that she comes to them to celebrate Mother's Day with WITH HER SON.

If you say things like that people are probably not "subsiding", rather deciding to avoid you because you are being incredibly rude/weird

"No. We already made plans."

Oh, your MIL is not as nice as you think if she wants to barge your Mother's Day and is texting you and not her son about it.

Stirring the pot as always with your nasty posts. Do you ever write anything nice to people?

Get your dh to tell her