(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

[focuseddreamer]

Please can you all help me out as I’m interested to find if AIBU? Named changed for this.
Had a heated discussion with husband earlier this week where it came around to a subject we’ve discussed many times in the past but I always get shut down. Women don’t look at men in the same way as men look at women (I know that’s a very broad statement). So essentially he is saying many men will look at a woman and think “ cor look at the arse on that” and I agree as fundamentally males brains are hard-wired to do that. I am saying that (most) women do not look at men and think the same way. Women are more likely to think “ Cor he’s gorgeous/big/strong/intelligent/charismatic” etc, fundamental difference as women’s brains are hard-wired to look for a good mate to produce healthy off- spring.
Apparently, I’m wrong, I don’t know how women think and a lot of women think about men the same way men think about women!
So I’m interested to think what your thoughts on the subject are please. I’d like to show him the results from a group of women 😊

And I know many women who don't!

And it is because you keep mentioning it as though that invalidates my opinion. I've also told you that I like men and that my tastes in them vary from yours. It's entirely possible to look at bodies and consider them from a completely aesthetic perspective. Just as many straight women think (as you initially argued against) that women's bodies are more aesthetically pleasing than men's.

You're the one coming on here claiming women just "haven't seen the right man" when they have this opinion.

I definitely do this, and I'm not single. I have absolutely no desire to cheat on my partner; we've been together 22 years and I adore him. But that doesn't mean I don't notice and look at other men.

Categorically no. I can’t think of anything less appealing than a man’s flaccid package. Penises are not remotely attractive in any form tbh 😂

I like my mans dick because I fancy him as a whole. In and of themselves - no thanks 🤣

The vast majority of men also admire women's bodies without doing any of those things too, though.

Specifically the bulge though? 👀

Do they notice? And if so, is that awkward?! 😳

Really?? Is that a common thing, wanting to watch a man wank?! Wow. Genuinely had no idea and can honestly say that would NOT turn me on or get me off. I actually focus more on the woman, ie what she’s experiencing, and the guy doesn’t have to be hot, he can be older, out of shape or whatever. I’m not interested in seeing a “hot man” to get me off.

Maybe I’m weird?! 🤣

Males and females are both perfectly capable of lusting over a body part/person. Both males and females are also perfectly capable of using cognition to explore social and cultural expectations around sexualisation and sexual behaviours and come to realisations about how far they have been indoctrinated to behave in certain ways (and this can become generational) and take steps to change it.

We are also all individuals, though goodness knows group think is very clearly alive and well.

Same. But I think women are much more subtle about it. I would very, very rarely mention to anyone else that I found a stranger physically attractive, it’s just a fleeting thought. It’s only men who seem to need to get their mates, or the person of interest, involved too.

Early 50s here and there are some men I look at and think I'd climb him like a tree

Also like checking out men's packages. Maybe I'm a sexual pervert

Yes I agree - but money usually equates to success, charisma etc as was my point. Look at Donald Trump and Melania - there's loads of examples.

“cor look at the arse on that”

I do think this about DH a lot. 😂He has a fine arse. Have also thought it about David Beckham, Ryan Reynolds, Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans (he does have America's arse after all 😉).

Ah, not just me then!

This is a neutral question out of detached interest but what aspect of a package commends itself to you? Just size (with great big squashy bulge being a winner?); or are there other aspects of a package that are goggle-worthy? 🤣

No you're not weird, there's nothing will give me the ick faster than watching a man wank! 😬

"I'd climb him like a tree" 😂 The last time I heard that was my friend telling me about Rip in Yellowstone. TBH, I probably would!

No…..I can definitely look at a man with cheap, vulgar appreciation 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

I think the difference is that women generally are a lot more subtle about it and don’t feel the need to voice it.
Ive worked in a lot of pubs, and the amount of middle aged men who’d blatantly speak to my tits instead of my face and not even try to hide it was shocking. And then there’s the ones who genuinely believe they’re in with a chance of me going home with them 🫠🫠🫠
One day I’d had enough and snapped. Said something along the lines of “I am paid to be nice to you”
Same kind of men who go to strip clubs and genuinely think the stripper is in love with them 🫠🫠🫠😂

Exactly, it’s society again. Men have grown up with the expectation to be confident, more brazen, not having to be ‘kind’ and demure. It doesn’t mean we don’t have the same thoughts, it’s just we are not conditioned to express them like that. I see this with other things, especially in meetings. Men are typically more confident, not afraid to make points (even when they’re incorrect!), it doesn’t mean women don’t have the problem solving skills (far from it), but can just be less confident about expressing them (usually because they get talked over!).

Mens legs are the thing I tend to lust over actually (if they're good).

I've just realised I am a perv after all - just been ogling some shirtless builders when I drove dd to the train station.

The difference is like pp's have said, I wouldn't shout "phwoar"! I wanted to, but I didn't want to scare dd.

Personally, I think the notion that women don't/aren't supposed to lust after or objectify men is all part of a fundamentally puritanical and anti-feminist notion that women aren't sexual beings in the same way that men are

Definitely.

And much of it is to do with fidelity/polygamy .

"It's natural for us to be polygynous, it's not natural for you to be polygamous".

They always wanted to control access to sex and to control reproduction.

I dated a guy who was very happy to talk about his youthful conquests and very happy to talk about fancying women and very happy to quote Jack Nicholson's line in The Departed "at my age I don't need pussy, but I still like it" etc etc.
If I, in the other hand, said anything at all that indicated I hadn't pursued a past relationship for marriage and had had anything approaching casual sex; he was visibly unnerved and uncomfortable. Conmentd would be made after a bit of rumination about it. To him, women weren't "like that" (conveniently).

Such interesting replies to this. I'm not single and yes I absolutely do ogle a bulge. I am certainly in my middle-aged letchy woman era, I hadn't realised other women don't look. A nice bulge is a beautiful thing! A pair of trousers worn well - lovely.

Is this a wind-up? 🤣

Wasn't there literally a social media meme a few years ago, driven by women, about men's bulges in grey tracksuits? It definitely resonated with me.

I don't really understand it when straight women affect to be disgusted and horrified by penises. Not all penises are attractive, of course, but I always appreciate looking at a nicely proportioned cock.

Speaking of which I think proportion is what catches my eye the most. Bodybuilder-type biceps make me think of roids, the rugby player mountain man physique makes me think they'll run to fat when older, but slim and toned swimmer/tennis player physiques.... mmm yes. Defined arms and chest without being BIG for the sake of it.

I see a nice looking man and think

I wouldn’t kick him out of bed 😜

if your husband is looking at women and saying things like cor look at the …. On that and it’s making you uncomfortable then that’s a different issue. Why does your husband need to be right? Why do you need to prove him wrong?

I would just let this one go and say uh huh and let him get on with his day

Personally, I think the notion that women don't/aren't supposed to lust after or objectify men is all part of a fundamentally puritanical and anti-feminist notion that women aren't sexual beings in the same way that men are

I completely agree with this too. Women being free and able to express sexual desire - both conventional and otherwise - was such a key aspect of 90s feminism for me growing up. But MN is a very puritanical place where half the posters will happily boast about preferring chocolate to sex (as though you can't have both). I feel like the prevailing vibe on here is to be so disgusted with male sexuality that straight female sexuality - because it ends up pleasing men as well - is also beyond the pale.

Genuinely some people are not pretending. There’s a huge contextual difference for many between someone you genuinely fancy vs random guy toting his meat in profile. And I also think women are capable of finding different “proportions” acceptable depending on the owner.