(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

[focuseddreamer]

Please can you all help me out as I’m interested to find if AIBU? Named changed for this.
Had a heated discussion with husband earlier this week where it came around to a subject we’ve discussed many times in the past but I always get shut down. Women don’t look at men in the same way as men look at women (I know that’s a very broad statement). So essentially he is saying many men will look at a woman and think “ cor look at the arse on that” and I agree as fundamentally males brains are hard-wired to do that. I am saying that (most) women do not look at men and think the same way. Women are more likely to think “ Cor he’s gorgeous/big/strong/intelligent/charismatic” etc, fundamental difference as women’s brains are hard-wired to look for a good mate to produce healthy off- spring.
Apparently, I’m wrong, I don’t know how women think and a lot of women think about men the same way men think about women!
So I’m interested to think what your thoughts on the subject are please. I’d like to show him the results from a group of women 😊

I can't speak for all women, but generally when I find a man attractive I can't tell you it's because of a specific characteristic (e.g. tall, nice bum, etc.) it's more of an overall package. Things that indicate personality, sense of humour etc are more attractive.

The absolute physical adonis I had in my life very briefly was a total negging wanker and shit in the sack.
A real mistake on my part.
There are physical traits I admire in men, but I'm not a heckler or a stalker, I don't drool or drape myself over people, and I have never openly eyed up another man whilst being beside a partner.
Like a lot of others I am more concerned about my safety when around men.

Let's be honest ladies if you are/when you were single did you ever oogle at a man's bulge?

Agree, so well written.. and it is all of that.

Same. Dated a male model in my early twenties, boring in bed and boring out of it. Yawn.

Absolute nonsense. There's no real difference. Remember the diet coke ad? Were women just surmising about how intelligent and kind the buff shirtless men might be? Dreamboys, centrefold in magazines, rear of the week in magazines, grown middle aged women lusting over Tom Daley in his speedos, girls throwing their knickers at boy bands etc.

Men and women may do it in different ways, but they both appreciate the physical form. I certainly look at some men and appreciate them.

Hahaha never. I have ogled good biceps tho

I have noticed them - as opposed to ogled - particularly when they sit with their legs splayed wide apart like they are herding a particularly rare escaped zoo animal. The bulge is reminiscent of play doh in a bag.

It takes more than that to start my engine; however I guess there are spectrums with this for both men and women.

He doesn't know how all women look at men.

You know how you look at men, but you likewise don't know how all women look after men.

Anyway I'm not sure how you gauge intelligence or humour when just looking at them. If you don't know them, you can't know.

Personally I absolutely look at men physically.

It's their physique, specifically shoulder to waist ratio, plus face.

You say women look for a good mate, but again, just looking; you can't know that.
We look fof signs of health, symmetry and testosterone/masculinity - just like men do the opposite.

I think some men see women who they are not related to as completely different entities to women who they are related to. Women they know are human and they treat them normally; but women they don’t know are pieces of meat kind of thing, where they will check her ass and be pervy.

Whereas broadly speaking women are less likely to do that initial ogling of a man’s appearance. Most women probably look right through men in passing because they’re not interested/indifferent.

I think how attractive the people involved are plays an element into this too. Super attractive men who get attention in their own right, are less likely to be interested in random women going about their business and less likely to be creepy, they’ll just mind their own business. Likewise super attractive women are less likely to be interested in random guys in passing, but they’ll probably capture a lot of attention regardless. I don’t think many super attractive men would face the same level of attention from random people in passing as women would.

Yep, shoulders, biceps, masculine hands, jaw, ass (yes), legs (if showing), height etc.

Rugby on TV causes me to be like a deer in headlights, I have to purposefully break my focus on it.

I can't see a man as attractive without knowing their personality. The guys I've lusted after are all wonderful people. I don't think I've ever looked at a random guy and been turned on by any body features.

I do notice beautiful women though! Even though I'm straight! Women are just more aesthetically pleasing 😂

Don't think I've ever looked at a male stranger in my life and thought "what an arse on that". Can't think of any females in my various friendship groups over the years who's done so either.

This.

If you ever see how women behave around a truly handsome, very attractive guy (whom they don't know well enough to guage anything but looks and demeanor) - it's obvious.

I used to work in the NHS and in certain departments the staff were almost 99% female. In other ones (estates services) almost 99% male. I heard many conversations about two v good looking guys in estates services and they were never about their intelligence or humour!

Ever see a good looking guy single (unless he wants to be), no matter what his character? Nah.

We're talking about massively different timescales though. We've found skeletons that are identical to that of a modern human that are 300,000 years old, evolutionally, we've not changed significantly in the intervening thousands and thousands of years.

Civilization has only been around for about 6000 years, and the kind of civilization where anyone in power really gave a shit about women being raped can be measured in a few hundred years at best.

As I said before, it's not a defense, or an excuse. It's the exact opposite. Ignoring that that evolutionary drive exists leads to women letting their guards down, to people believing that "My Nigel would never...."

Pretty much every single man on the planet has that little lizard brain going "Want, take, have" when it comes to sex. Every man is dangerous. The difference between a good man and a bad man is the choice he makes to ignore it.

No! I sometimes would notice if they were sitting legs akimbo or in Speedos or something, but penises are not very pretty. I don't really want to look at them!

I've noticed them, but certainly not ogled. I don't find anything remotely appealing about a man's cock and balls all squashed up inside his jeans. If anything, I wonder why he can't buy properly fitting trousers!

he is saying many men will look at a woman and think “ cor look at the arse on that” and I agree as fundamentally males brains are hard-wired to do that.

I wouldn't want anything to do with a man who referred to women in such demeaning terms. I've never felt he need to talk about men as if they're objects, either in my own head or out loud.

He reduces women to body parts, calls women ‘that’, shuts you down and tells you how women think. Doesn’t he sound like a catch. 🤢

No way.. what turns me on is a guy’s intelligence definitely not his arse!

I find men's physiques attractive, only if they have good physique of course and you don't see many of those these days, most of them have huge pregnant stomachs and thin legs 😬

I can admire body and brains. Like you say, I can find someone attractive without immediately shouting sexual things at them.
What goes on in my head stays in my head. Probably just as well, it's weird in there

I realised I was old when I saw a handsome, lovely young man and I thought, "I bet his mum's proud."

I admire men’s bodies, but am capable of doing it without slavering, wolf-whistling, shouting ‘I’d ho through you like a pound of butter’ from scaffolding, audibly giving them marks out of ten, or having my eyes go out on cartoon springs.
So what I might be thinking about a random man’s body will remain where it should remain, inside my head.

Same - unless I've got a sympathetic female friend to talk to (discretely).

I find many more men are shit at checking out the opposite sex without being really obvious about it, than women.

I dated a guy once who was utterly utterly obvious about it ... .the weird thing is he is a very straight, trustworthy guy and I honestly don't think he'd ever cheat on a partner. I think he'd end the relationship before he'd do that.

Yet he was cringe worthily obvious when checking women out and it made me glad the relationship didn't go anywhere. It's v uncomfortable. I even had the women he was checking out look at me curiously/sympathetically.
I don't know how his wife puts up with it, but I've noticed she does a lot of "my man, my amazing nan, together x years, our family" posts on Facebook.

That's how it was for me.
My dad was very weak and, tbh, quite pathetic in many ways. I have always been drawn to very strong men and I look back nowadays and I think my preference is in part because I harboured quite a lot of resentment and contempt for my dad growing up and as a young woman. I didn't know quite what I wanted but I knew exactly what I didn't want