(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

[focuseddreamer]

Please can you all help me out as I’m interested to find if AIBU? Named changed for this.
Had a heated discussion with husband earlier this week where it came around to a subject we’ve discussed many times in the past but I always get shut down. Women don’t look at men in the same way as men look at women (I know that’s a very broad statement). So essentially he is saying many men will look at a woman and think “ cor look at the arse on that” and I agree as fundamentally males brains are hard-wired to do that. I am saying that (most) women do not look at men and think the same way. Women are more likely to think “ Cor he’s gorgeous/big/strong/intelligent/charismatic” etc, fundamental difference as women’s brains are hard-wired to look for a good mate to produce healthy off- spring.
Apparently, I’m wrong, I don’t know how women think and a lot of women think about men the same way men think about women!
So I’m interested to think what your thoughts on the subject are please. I’d like to show him the results from a group of women 😊

I go for twinkly eyes and cheeky smiles, but certainly notice other physical attributes. I admired a gent's chunky buns on a train the other day, then looked up to see that he was quite attractive, though not what I'd call good-looking. If I'd been closer in age, I would undoubtedly have given him a smile, having clocked that he was not wearing a wedding ring. I've only ever once encountered man who was so stunning he left me speechless, and it was mortifying. All I could tell you was that he had the most striking blue eyes I've ever seen, and he was tall. I think there's a big difference between appreciating something/someone and wanting to be with them in a physical sense. Good manners and kind and helpful ways are appealing, lecherous and obvious men, not so much.

This!

I happily do this too, as do my group of female friends (we are all aged 40-45) We would never cat call or make comments that could be heard by others but we do discuss nice bottoms etc between ourselves.
I'm happily married and happy to make these comments in front of my husband and he's happy to make the same comments in front of me.

It is not! I'm only just realising I'm a secret horndog 😂I thought everyone appreciated the bodies and attributes of whichever gender they're attracted to.

There was actually a study a few decades ago where they followed the eyes of people in the room, imagine they were all in a meeting. Various people walked in and out. The results showed that women clocked the genitals (well, the general area) of every man who came in, but so did the men. Just a quick, subconscious peek. They supposed that it was something to do with hierarchy. Nowadays we know a lot more men are interested in men than would admit it, and certainly they wouldn't have admitted it years ago. So maybe it was that, I don't know.

I definitely clock general appearance but I can think of dozens upon dozens of men at whose crotch I have never so much as glanced.

I think people are just different.

I don't really understand it when straight women affect to be disgusted and horrified by penises. Not all penises are attractive, of course, but I always appreciate looking at a nicely proportioned cock.

I am a straight female and whilst neither 'disgusted' or 'horrified', I find nothing remotely aesthetically appealing about a male penis. For me, it is functional at best. I'd rather look at just about anything else. I'm not 'affecting' anything.

I’m not at all horrified or prudish, I’m very open minded about all aspects of sex, will try anything (within reason) and might even enjoy it 🤣

But I still don’t find a penis, in and of itself, something attractive. They just aren’t. They’re ugly, often lumpy and or saggy, hairy, plucked chicken looking chunks of skin 😂 the fact they’re “associated with sex” doesn’t suddenly mean it turns me on to see one.

Equally, I’m not repulsed by them and I’m constantly grabbing at my DP’s bits, because I love him and I’m attracted to him. Looking at HIS penis could arouse me, but because it’s him not because it’s a cock.

Not feeling aroused by looking at men’s cocks doesn’t automatically make someone “horrified” or “disgusted” by them either. Some of us just don’t get turned on by visual stimuli in that way.

I wouldn't say there are 'loads' of examples, at least not outside the world of the rich and famous. An 'ugly older man' could be 'charismatic', or even successful in a non lucrative field without being rich. Yet you will not see too many 'beautiful young women' with them. Melania married Trump because he was incredibly rich, not because he was 'charismatic' or 'successful'. If she could have found an equally rich man who was younger and better looking, she'd have gone for him without question.

For me it’s contextual.

Im sure in the wrong circumstances I could find it utterly disgusting. In others quite the opposite.

But in a general “ going to the 9 to 9 to pick up milk” scenario they just aren’t really on my radar.

I bet anything I clock as many women’s genital areas as I do men’s, and it’s nothing sexual. I also have this weird intrusive thought thing where I can’t help but acknowledge the fact there are genitals in the room with me and may indeed look at a man’s crotch thinking “his saggy little winky is in there somewhere…” and trust me, it’s not REMOTELY sexual or a turn on 🤣

For clarity I’d do the same intrusive thought thing on women too, I don’t know why!

The first thing I clock with a man is 'am I safe?'

I should have listened to my unease a couple of weeks ago with a group of teen boys too close to me. One suddenly cannoned into my shoulder after his mate shoved him at me and they all howled with laughter.

So first - am I safe? What's his body language? Proximity? Expression? Tone of voice? Words? Clean? Smell? General weird vibe?

Then if ok, it's the face. Smiley, kindly, frank, open? 'Good looking'? Bald absolutely not a problem!

Then the general build. I like bigger cos I'm big!

Actual body parts, tho - I notice heftiness and implied strength, especially round the shoulders and arms. And slim hips, flat stomach, strong thighs & bum - this is entirely about the ideal arrangement for sex, isn't it ...

God no, we aren’t that superficial 😂

Well your husband sounds charming…. what planet is he stuck on that he think’s it ok for men to stare at women’s asses but weird for women to look at men in a sexual way? He sounds very misogynistic and it also sounds like he’s just objectifying women to sexual objects. How denigrating. I hope you tell your kids his behaviour towards women is NOT ok!

I'm married so wouldn't act on it, but sometimes I'll see a bloke and think "In a different life, I'd fuck you".
I don't look at their arses but it could be something like their top pulling up and a glimpse of their stomach. I'm largely quite facially focussed though.

I don't get that from OP's posts. She's saying that she thinks women don't eye men up, and her dp thinks they do, just like men.

OP is arguing that men are hard-wired to eye up women, while women don't enjoy having a good look at men.

Neither of them is arguing that men looking is OK and women looking is weird.

I've only ever once encountered man who was so stunning he left me speechless, and it was mortifying

Lol.

I once panicked and must have looked so tense & uncomfortable when a good looking young guy went to sit beside me on the train ...that he rotated on his heel and sought a seat elsewhere.

Oh maybe ai misread it. I read it as her husband saying he (and all men) looking at women and thinking women don’t have any interest in men’s bodies.

I had the same thing in peri, and I think it's really common. I also have always noticed the same thing, to a lesser extent, with my menstrual cycle, and where I had hormone fluctuations after pregnancy. It's a bit weird to realize the extent to which we are hormonally influenced.

Once in menopause it seems variable, some women continue to be more sexually motivated, but for another group it totally drops off.

To be honest he'd have to be very handsome, almost 6' tall, slim, in his 40's or 50's and dressed in a suit to make me look twice

Not that many of them around

Im bi. With strangers I find women far far more attractive and beautiful and sexy. With men, I rarely if ever find them attractive as a stranger. I have to get to know them and they have to have something about them.

I think women are more gorgeous - although I normally end up with men more than women. Im not sure why.

YANBU. One of my oldest and closest friends is a gay man and constantly comments on men we walk past and their physical attributes whilst I wouldn't have even been aware of their presence. I do think men are much more visual and will simply be attracted to a woman who appels to.thwm physically, whereas women may appreciate a handsome man they are more likely to be attracted to someone based on an emotional connection.

I don’t really notice men! They’re just part of the scenery. They’d have to be incredibly hot for me to assess one like that. Think male attractiveness comes more down to manners, intelligence and whether they make me laugh. Not things you can really determine by just looking at them I guess.

Me too.

I'm 100% straight, but I often look at couples out and about and think is she really having sex with HIM?! How could she?

If DH and I separated, I'd have a hard time finding another man whose personality AND looks I liked.

I'm going through this now. I'm 40 and a switch flipped overnight about 6 months ago! I now literally think about sex and am in a permanent state of arousal 24/7 and fear I'm becoming rather one dimensional, although I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts.

I'd never say that I objectify men (in the way men tend to objectify women) but personally, I am pretty shallow. I do struggle with the idea of dating someone you aren't particularly attracted to (and an alarming number of women seem to think this is normal). I think the idea that women aren't visual is a bit of a myth.

Yes I definitely do eye up men and women (I’m straight though).

The truth is though that there probably aren’t that many good looking men around. Whereas more women are far more aesthetically pleasing.

Perhaps men are a bit less fussy who they eye up?