To be a bit upset at what DD said?

[Peachesnocream]

No ex and I have been split for around a year. DS 4 and DD 8 stay at their dads one night per week. When my daughter came home yesterday she said she doesn’t want to leave me anymore so I explained the situation in the best way I could, daddy loves you and wants to see you etc and she said she wished she didn’t have a dad.

peachesnocream.
why did you post on here. You are taking no notice of anything that has been suggested to you. You are even now saying that pot noodle one day a week won’t hurt them. It’s not just about that, you need to check out the sleeping arrangements. Your Daughter is not happy you must listen to her. The mental welfare of your children is far more important than what your ex thinks.

A pot noodle is not a meal, it's a snack. If it leaves children hungry then yes - it is abuse.

What's going to happen if - Lord forbid - you're ever ill and he has to step up for a period of time. Would they survive on nothing but pot noodles?

I agree with all of this.

Either someone is not posting in good faith or they're trying to convince themselves that everything is fine so that they don't have to act.

If this has been posted in good faith, then the fact that they posted here in the first place surely shows that they know that their children are not being looked after. Maybe they were hoping that we'd all say "Oh no - that's fine!" so that they don't feel guilty about doing nothing.

And? Fred West was his daughter's dad.

Being someone's biological dad is no excuse for - at best - neglect and - at worst - abuse.

Ah! He has her while you work! So THAT’S why you won’t stop her going. I wondered why you weren’t doing what a normal mother would and extricating her from a situation she hates, and which is not suitable for her!

As I explained earlier. I can take them to school and pick them up whilst I lm working so it isn’t that.

He called before and she told him she didn’t want so sleep over.

And what was his reaction to that OP?

Also

Have you done anything YET about getting legal advice?

He said why? And we will talk about it then.

i have appointment with a solicitor on Monday

Thank goodness that you've finally sorted out seeing a solicitor! If I may give you some advice, make a list of all of your concerns BEFORE you go, so that you can get the advice you need without getting overwhelmed, and forgetting something. It might even be worth asking if you can record what the solicitor says, so that you don't forget - you can record it on your phone. If they aren't happy to do that, then ask them to send you an email summarising everything they have told you. Please come back and tell us how you get on.

In the meantime, DON'T let your kids go to his place. You really aren't breaking any rules by not letting them go at the moment, so JUST DON'T, as you clearly don't trust him to bring them back as things stand!! Wait until you've got legal advice before you do anything else OP, and REMEMBER, you don't have to do ANYTHING that HE tells you anymore!

If he has a car, then the police can trace the number plate. Or they phone him & ask for his address. I can’t imagine the police would be impressed if he refuses to tell them his address.

The other option would be to give DD an old phone to take with her & enable the tracking. Stick it in the bottom of her bag & don’t tell him it’s there.

This is why I have to conclude now that the OP is just posting a (sick) wind-up here!

@Peachesnocream you keep saying you can't stop him, but why? Is there a court order in place? If not, you CAN and absolutely SHOULD stop him from seeing your DC. It is then up to HIM to take you to court, and then up to a judge to decide whether he is providing their basic needs, which it sounds like he isn't

So when I spoke to him this morning he told me does have the facilities and apparently my daughter tells him she would like a new mummy. I think she is just playing us off against each other. She asked her auntie if she could be her new mummy! Thanks

Is she though? Or do you just have his word on that?

Just his word. But why would he lie? So basically he could do the same to me

Kids say things. You can’t always go off what they say and I’m really glad I have spoke to him and raised my concerns and not jumped the gun.

If he wanted to put your concerns to rest, then he would tell you where he lived. I understand that he wouldn’t necessarily want you to visit his flat, but if there were no issues then he could send you a photo of DD sitting on her bed. Also of his cooking facilities.

He’s lying to you.

This is why he is lying - because he hasn’t changed since you were together.

Any normal parent would send a photo or video of their child so that you could see they have a kitchen and the child has a bed with appropriate bedding. Otherwise, they'd invite you to have a quick look - if I was happily coparenting, it wouldn't bother me to show my child's father the inside of my home if our child was playing us off against each other.

Also, why is she doing that? Does she want more individual attention? Is he actually spending time interacting with her or busy with his GF?

He has asked her to make a list of what she requires whilst she is as daddy’s.

She said they always meet up with the GF and she doesn’t want to see her all the time.

It is not a job for your child to educate her adult parent on providing the basic essentials for sleeping over.

FFS OP! Are you still in love with this guy, as you seem to take everything he says as gospel. Supposing your daughter told you he had interfered with her, and he said he hadn't, would you STILL believe HIM over her??