Would you leave 14yo alone in the country for one night?

[iloveapplesandcakes]

Single parent here, no family around here, no support network.

DC is 14, very sensible. They'd go to school, I fly out at lunch time, they come back home, reheat dinner, stay overnight and go to school in the morning, I return home before they are back from school, I'd be away for about 30 hours. DC is happy with this idea, they can manage. I'm concerned about emergency situation. I badly need to go to help a close relative abroad. Can't take DC with me for a number of reasons, mainly school but also family issue which is the reason for need to travel.

Voting:
AIBU: I wouldn't leave DC alone, no matter how sensible they are.
YANBU: it's ok for DC to stay for 30h alone given desperate circumstances.

NSPCC advises that children under 16 are not left alone overnight.

I wouldn’t do it - do they have a friend from school they could stay with if it’s just one night?

I'm sorry you have an emergency.

I'm afraid I wouldn't. Too many variables. You get delayed or ill or have an accident and can't get back. Kid gets poorly or spooked by something.

Is there a school mate they can stay with? I know I'd take a kid in even if we didn't know them very well.

I think it's one of these situations where it would be fine if all went to plan but could be a disaster if there is an emergency and nobody to call on for help. Could he not stay with a friend? Is there anybody that would be available in an emergency?

No, not at 14. Mine were all 16 before I left them overnight.

Absolutely not.

I wouldn’t, there’s one thing being a few hours away with someone close by if any thing was to pop but another country with no one around.

Like you I would consider it. Then probably have collywobbles about it.

best thing would be to get them to go stay somewhere else or have someone stay with them.

once they are 16 then yes overnight.

Where is the back up and the support network. I appreciate that you are a single parent, I am too. I'm 'lucky' that my eldest is 28 so could look out for his sister.

However, if I was truly - neighbours? School friends parents?

Even if you didn't know the parents and my daughter came home saying @iloveapplesandcakes needs to go away urgently can daughter stay?

I'd speak to you then put her up for the night.

You can't leave her with no support.

What's the back up plan if something goes wrong?

If you have a trusted neighbour on call, who could take DC in, but DC prefers to be at home, will check in and generally be there, but DC is in their own home, that's one thing. I wouldn't be 100% comfortable, but in effect the neighbour would be taking responsibility and DC 'camping out' in their own home.

Otherwise... I would worry. It would probably be OK. But it is a huge level of responsibility for DC.

DD is nearly 18, and we have agreed next time I travel for work she will have a friend for a sleep over instead of going to my mum for the night. It's only recently we have lived near enough for my mum to be the back up, so.i understand how difficult it is when you don't have family support.

*or son.

There needs to be someone. I'm sure those leaving a 16 year knows there is someone in an emergency.
We hope emergencies don't happen, but... They can and they do.

Well this is irrelevant, and NSPCC don't make our parenting decisions. I happily left my DS home alone occasionally from 14 overnight because he preferred it to going to his dad. However his dad was nearby and on hand in case of emergency. I wouldn't feel ok leaving a child that age at home alone with no safe adults nearby if they are needed.

I think I would, but definitely go through the precautions and check in from abroad a couple of times.

I do think you need a back up procedure in case he loses his key or gets sick or there’s an emergency at school.

But yes, my kids would be fine.

No, not worth the risk. A 14 year old isn’t equipped to deal with emergencies. Can they not stay overnight with a school friend ?

I think this is too young and if something happened you’d get into a lot of trouble. I would ask one of your dd’s friend’s parents to look after her. Under these circumstances a lot of people would help out.

I left my 14 year olds until just after midnight the other weekend as I was invited out. First time I’d left them that long. Normally it would be a couple of hours and I would stay local.

It felt ok until I was out. I was an hour away by car. Made me feel so uneasy. Couldn’t enjoy myself. Felt too far. I had a close friend on call up the road if they needed anything but it still made me feel uncomfortable. I told them it wasn’t worth it and I won’t do it again until they’re older. It was the thought of them going to sleep in an empty house that upset me. I thought they’d easily stay awake until I got home. It’s not just the safety aspect it’s how they FEEL being on their own. Not nice for them. Not worth it.

If they have a friend aged 16-18 then yes.

No, 14 is too young. The big issue for me is there’s too much risk of getting delayed. Flights cancelled, relative needs more help than planned for. Etc etc

Surely they have a friend they can stay the night with ?

Hire an overnight babysitter from an agency or send to a friends house

Not at 14 . I was a sensible 16 year old. My parents left me overnight quite a few times while they were a few hours away. In the end I had to ask a friend to stay with me.
I used to get scared around 10pm and hated it . 14 is too young .
Do they have a friend who could stay with them in your home?

Be fair, there's a huge difference between leaving a 14yo to go socialise and leaving them in an emergency to support a family member. OP is only asking because she's in a bind, she's not asking if she should go out on an overnight jolly.

I agree with all of that.

I left 15 and 17 year olds alone but their aunt lives two minutes away and grandparents are 15 mi utes away. Plus we know the neighbours well. And they have their dad to stay with if needed (40 min away)

Only you know how your DC would cope and how you’d feel but personally I’d be too worried. It’s a tough one and I’m sorry you’re in this position if there really is nobody (no judgement it happens) and the family reason you can’t take them is something you could overcome id take them out of school tbh not popular on here but it’s one day
personally I wouldn’t go down the getting a friend to stay route, DS is 14 and is possibly less sensible with a friend in tow
hope you get sorted