Would you leave 14yo alone in the country for one night?

[iloveapplesandcakes]

Single parent here, no family around here, no support network.

DC is 14, very sensible. They'd go to school, I fly out at lunch time, they come back home, reheat dinner, stay overnight and go to school in the morning, I return home before they are back from school, I'd be away for about 30 hours. DC is happy with this idea, they can manage. I'm concerned about emergency situation. I badly need to go to help a close relative abroad. Can't take DC with me for a number of reasons, mainly school but also family issue which is the reason for need to travel.

Voting:
AIBU: I wouldn't leave DC alone, no matter how sensible they are.
YANBU: it's ok for DC to stay for 30h alone given desperate circumstances.

Which is utterly ridiculous obviously

It's relevant because both the police and social services follow the NSPCC guidelines

I would say yes if you weren't going abroad. My parents often left me overnight at 14/15 if they were going somewhere where I couldn't or didn't want to go and it was fine. I was usually allowed a friend to stay..
But it feels too much to go abroad and leave them. You know your child beat though. If you are confident she'll be fine and she's confident then that's what matters.

I wouldn't unless

1. I was confident they were sensible & mature.
2. I had some kind of a 'in and emergency' plan.

Good luck 👍

Absolutely no way. Find a friend they can stay with.

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I wouldn’t.
I appreciate your family member has a crisis but your DC should be the priority .
too many things could go wrong , sudden illness , a fall or crisis at home or accident etc all apply to both of you
too risky

Fair enough, but I would still know that I had done my job.

Any chance you can practice something similar without the pressure of you actually being away before you do it for 'real'?

What would have worried me as a teenager would have been missing the alarm to get up to get to school in the morning. Your teenager probably has a different worry.

I don't really agree with the thought that at 14 someone generally can't handle an emergency. You don't need adult thinking skills to know when you need an ambulance/the fire brigade/ police.

For more likely emergencies ie. plumbing/central heating/ electrics you can prepare a list of phone numbers + leave them some cash + you're likely to be reasonably available by phone / text anyway.

Glad to read it was resolved so you did not have to leave your DC alone. I think you need to look at a plan for somewhere your DC could go, and perhaps talk to the friends you mentioned, because whilst you have not and should not detail the family issue you have, it may not be a one-off.

No definitely not. If it’s an emergency and there’s no one to leave her with, then just take her - missing school for a couple of days is not important.

I missed your update - glad you can take her. Hope all is ok with your relative.

My mother took my elder sister to visit friends in Switzerland for 2 weeks, leaving me, 13, to look after my younger sister, father, the dogs and cats. When they came back, she said that we[d all got fat! Well, all that I knew was how to cook with a frying pan..

Absolutely no way, no matter how sensible she is. Anything could happen to stress her out, or spook her when you are not at home. It really would not be fair on your child.

The closure of Heathrow Airport today is an example of the type of emergency situation that can happen and shows you have made the right decision to go together. I hope you’re not affected by the airport closure today.

Only you know your child and if they are mature enough to manage for one evening. I have known good single mums who work shifts and come home very late and go out again very early. It’s not really any different to that. Does your child have a good friend with a parent they could call if there was an emergency?
my own children are grown now but they were part of the cadets which helped them learn self discipline and also skilled them in being self sufficient. I would have been confident leaving mine.

'Only you know your child and if they are mature enough to manage for one evening. I have known good single mums who work shifts and come home very late and go out again very early. It’s not really any different '

That is completely different to leaving the country. Thankfully the op now is taking the dc out of school but it should not have been consideration to leave a 'loner' of a 14yr old alone whilst the parent pops off abroad.

Leaving the " country" can be a bit of a red herring though. Its not necessarily longer or more difficult. If you lived in Southampton for example you could be in the same country if you travelled to Durham yet its longer to travel than an hour flight from SOU to Amsterdam

Adding a flight into the mix is a huge difference though. It means if there are issues with travel there is often no option but to wait for the next flight. If in the same country, car hire / trains / taxis will get you back to them even if it takes a few hours. Look at Heathrow today for example, that would have been a nightmare for someone who was relying on a flight.

Not from Amsterdam as in my example There's also ferries and trains.

And how would it be any different if the trains went down from durham? Not many alternatives

Ask if they can stay at a friend's house for a sleepover

What would happen if flights are delayed or airport closed etc. not worth risk of your daughter being left alone

OP I know you resolved this some time ago. Seeing the news on Heathrow this morning I thought of you. It's never very likely that flights will be cancelled etc but just as well you were not caught up in that with her home alone.

I think yesterday’s situation at Heathrow shows exactly why this is not the sensible thing to do. Glad you’re sorted now

When we lived in the countryside we knew our neighbours and knew which ones would help us in any situation that cropped up. If DC is sensible, if you can trust them to go to neighbour if need be and the fact that an emergency is extremely unlikely to happen then go for it.