Would you leave 14yo alone in the country for one night?

[iloveapplesandcakes]

Single parent here, no family around here, no support network.

DC is 14, very sensible. They'd go to school, I fly out at lunch time, they come back home, reheat dinner, stay overnight and go to school in the morning, I return home before they are back from school, I'd be away for about 30 hours. DC is happy with this idea, they can manage. I'm concerned about emergency situation. I badly need to go to help a close relative abroad. Can't take DC with me for a number of reasons, mainly school but also family issue which is the reason for need to travel.

Voting:
AIBU: I wouldn't leave DC alone, no matter how sensible they are.
YANBU: it's ok for DC to stay for 30h alone given desperate circumstances.

No I wouldn't. I would bring them with me if there was no where else for them to stay and I really had to go.

Absolutely not in this case. If it's only one day why don't you just take the child and say it's an emergency or have them pull a sickie? Airports get closed, emergencies happen. What if DC broke their leg while you were gone? What happens when someone realized their parent had left the country?

You're the best person to know if your 14-year-old can be left alone because of his maturity levels etc. Not all 14 year olds are exactly the same, nor does every child miraculously change into an ultra capable individual on their 16th birthday.

If I was in your predicament I would assess how my child felt being left for so long to manage their expectations, explain why you're doing it so their emotions are in the right place and most importantly see how they feel about it. Îf they're not happy in any way I wouldn't do it. However if they are comfortable and confident enough about it, I would tell them to stay away from using certain things in the house that could pose a danger to them and give them a list of emergency numbers.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/home-alone-quiz/

No. What if something happens at school and your child is suddenly sick and needs picking up. Or some. Thing happens at home when they're on their own. Or to you.

This is too risky.

Yes I would op.You know your child.I was totally independent living away from home at 16 as were many of my friends.If she is happy to do it and you know she is sensible it will be fine.You have mobile phones and can check in regularly.She will enjoy the independence and being responsible.

I would contact the school and see what they can recommend, I assume he has a form tutor.

They might know a sensible VI former have their own baby sitter.

Do you or she really have no friends or neighbours or even colleagues or her old nursery workers?If not you will have to take dc with you.

Not one single friend they could stay the night with at all? I find this hard to believe TBH. They may have parents you don't know especially well but I think you need to reconsider this. For one thing, if they do get scared they WILL call a friend/someone. Who would that person be? Ask them before you go. It will not reflect well on you and would also be very stressful to sort this remotely if they panic or something happens.
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I’m pretty laid back with leaving the teenagers alone compared to most on mums net.

I would let a 14 year old stay at home for the night but not without a support network. You need to find someone that knows they are alone that can be called in an emergency. If the child gets ill at school and they have no one to call, they would call social services instead. Friends parents, work colleague, neighbour. Needs to be someone.

I’m all for children being given some responsibility and I think at 14 they should be able to function pretty well on their own but 30 hours is too long. Both of mine would have been scared in the house on their own over night at that age.

Tricky. In theory I would but we do know the neighbours and have a friend round the corner.

Can your DC not stay over with a school friend?

No. They'd have to stay with someone, even if that meant travelling to stay with family and missing a couple of days of school.

I had a similar situation recently and was pondering whether to leave my DS alone overnight. He is 15 and 4 months, very sensible. We live in a very quiet area. Thought about it for ages -the fact I had to keep thinking about it showed me that I wasn't comfortable doing it. If that makes sense. the fact that you are asking on here for people to back you up shows you deep down that it's not the right thing to do, imo.

Can she not stay at a friend;s house?

I can’t believe not one friend exists (either her own or your own) who she could stay with?

I take it you don't have teenagers. there is a huge difference in maturity, temperament and ability to deal with unexpected situations between a 14 and a 16 year old

There are lots of families who are extremely isolated, child might not have friends at school and may be a complete loner.

Im not sure why people find that so hard to understand.

Society has become really insular

Isn’t there a school friend whose family would have them for one night?

If there really isn't anyone your child trusts to contact in an emergency or has a friend where they can stay for a night I would take them with me.

Two days missing school is hardly a disaster.

@iloveapplesandcakesdo you also have pets, is this why you need someone at home? I get it, but you need a responsibile adult in the house.

You don’t desperately need to go help
a relative you need to look after you kid. Because that’s what they are a kid. The kid comes first. Completely irresponsible.

No I would not leave a 14 year old. Being alone at night can be frightening if you are used to someone else being there (hearing noises, being aware of the slightest movements) and as an adult if my husband is away I am always constantly checking doors are locked and being more on a heightened state of alert. The teenager might feel confident but I am not sure I would leave them overnight when not able to return to them quickly (or have someone on hand).

No I wouldn’t and I would be fairly relaxed but no this is too young

My 14yo simply isn't ready (ND, resistant to things like cooking, misses feelings like hunger cues) My 12yo has better skills and would be ready to leave sooner. They're currently at the stage that we leave for a few hours in an evening.

I would want there to be a support network. In our case we have good neighbours and friends a mile away.

Objectively, 14yos go out doing things like Duke of Edinburgh expeditions with light support in the background to check they're on track. But they have that social peer support (and training).

My concern isn't a 14yo's ability to look after themselves or deal with reatively common issues (e.g. find stop cock, or check fuse box) it's having an adult to support them if further action is required. There's generally a shift in social confidence at dealing with the adult world between 14 to 16.

It's 99.9% likely to be fine, but it fails the newspaper headline test if it's not. There's plenty of adults with lousy self-sufficiency skills; I previously had a neighbour who destroyed his house with a poor response to dealing with a chip pan fire... he was in his early 70s so not a life experience issue, and tbh young people are more freshly trained- it's the accountability that's the issue at this stage of development.

I'd think about, it like you, and know it's highly likely to be fine, but I wouldn't do it.

I'd take the boy overnight to help out in this situation, if he was one of my DC's friends, even if I didn't know the parent.

No, absolutely not.

They either come with you or stay with a friend or family member.