Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave 14yo alone in the country for one night?

282 replies

iloveapplesandcakes · 19/03/2025 04:58

Single parent here, no family around here, no support network.

DC is 14, very sensible. They'd go to school, I fly out at lunch time, they come back home, reheat dinner, stay overnight and go to school in the morning, I return home before they are back from school, I'd be away for about 30 hours. DC is happy with this idea, they can manage. I'm concerned about emergency situation. I badly need to go to help a close relative abroad. Can't take DC with me for a number of reasons, mainly school but also family issue which is the reason for need to travel.

Voting:
AIBU: I wouldn't leave DC alone, no matter how sensible they are.
YANBU: it's ok for DC to stay for 30h alone given desperate circumstances.

OP posts:
Original poster
iloveapplesandcakes · 19/03/2025 06:13

OP is only asking because she's in a bind, she's not asking if she should go out on an overnight jolly.

It wouldn't ever occur to me to leave DC alone overnight for any other reason, but this is a challenging family situation. There are no friends/classmates to leave DC with. There are a lot of flights daily to the destination so unless airport shutdown the delay wouldn't be a huge issue. It's emergency situation I'm concerned about

OP posts:
TwinklyNight · 19/03/2025 06:16

No I wouldn't. If it was desperate and thete was nobody available to help I'd bring them with me.
Is there anybody who he is friends with at school that you could ask the parents to have him overnight?
EDITED TO ADD I just read your post, and see there isn't a schoolmate he can stay with.

Millymoonshine · 19/03/2025 06:16

I used to babysit when I was 14. Sometimes had to stay overnight as the parents were going to be really late back.

You know your dc best. I would have left my oldest but not the younger one.

thatsfunnybecause · 19/03/2025 06:18

What do people think is going to magically happen between 14-16?
If they were happy with the situation I absolutely would, responsibility and trust is good for teenagers.
presumably they have a phone and know an adult they can go to in an emergency? I would let a friend relative know they were alone but wouldn’t make them go and be babysat at 14

Chelsea2026 · 19/03/2025 06:20

As long as your son makes sure the doors are locked he is only going to school, having dinner then sleep and back to school! is your area quiet ? I am on a huge estate with lots of neighbours who watch out for each other so on reflection I would leave him at home.

ByEdgyPeer · 19/03/2025 06:24

I would.

My parents regularly went away for a night/weekend when I was 13+. If I had any major issues I could knock at a neighbour for help.

soupyspoon · 19/03/2025 06:25

Yes I would but anyone needs a back up plan, so what phone friends or support could be used, what advice could he seek if he couldnt get hold of you, what if the boiler goes or something breaks.

These are the things that need to be built into the contingency. A mature, able 14 year old is able to manage being there, getting food, amusing themselves, putting themselves to bed, getting up for school etc but its if an appliance breaks or starts beeping or a door wont lock or unlock. Sods law sort of thing. So who would he contact in such a circumstance.

Onelifeonly · 19/03/2025 06:25

I wouldn't unless he had someone close by to call on. Also being alone at night when you're not used to it could be very unsettling for him.

In your situation (is there really no one at all?), I'd take him with me.

Has he no school friend you could ask? Even if you don't know their parent. I'd readily help out my child's friend in that situation.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 19/03/2025 06:26

It's the "what if" factor. The answer has to be, No.

GreenSkyes · 19/03/2025 06:27

Can they not go with you? Tell the school it's the only option other than leaving them alone.
I wouldn't leave them tbh. You're not local and anything can happen. Seems really irresponsible to leave the country and leave your child at home without any support.

Onelifeonly · 19/03/2025 06:27

thatsfunnybecause · 19/03/2025 06:18

What do people think is going to magically happen between 14-16?
If they were happy with the situation I absolutely would, responsibility and trust is good for teenagers.
presumably they have a phone and know an adult they can go to in an emergency? I would let a friend relative know they were alone but wouldn’t make them go and be babysat at 14

I actually think there is a big maturity difference between 14 and 16. I can even remember feeling more grown up myself by 16.

Londonrach1 · 19/03/2025 06:30

Sorry too young. Could you arrange a sleepover with one of her friends. I'm sure their parents be happy to help. Hope the situation abroad is ok x

PurpleThistle7 · 19/03/2025 06:34

I couldn’t do it as I’d just worry the whole time. I appreciate it’s a tricky situation but is there really no one? A classmate, coworker, neighbour.

what is the setup at home? Nice neighbours? I am thinking about leaving my kids home alone for the first time for a few hours - we know all of our neighbours so I’ll check who will be around so my kids know where to go just in case. What’s the backup plan if the key breaks, power goes out, etc etc.

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 19/03/2025 06:36

I would. Providing she is sensible, it will be fine. I was regularly left for up to a week at that age and, whilst I wouldn’t recommend that (it was lonely!) one night as a one off will be fine. We very occasionally left DSD overnight at that age and it was fine, she actually enjoyed it.

ElbowsUpRising · 19/03/2025 06:37

I wouldn’t. Dd was left alone overnight at 16 for the first time for one night and we were in the country. She’s sensible.

I might possibly if there was a friend or neighbour of mine they could contact in an emergency who could help.

Happypeoplearehappy · 19/03/2025 06:39

No can’t they stay with a friend?

dunroamingfornow · 19/03/2025 06:42

I wouldn't. You've said there are no friends she can stay with. This means you're leaving a14 year old alone overnight with no- one around to help if anything happens .
Does she really have no friends at all ?
Do you have any friends she can stay with?
I'd help my child's classmate in this situation

beAsensible1 · 19/03/2025 06:43

what is a contingency plans DS has an emergency? Who would he call or go to?

the issue isn’t the overnight per se. It’s what he will do and who will contact if he needs an appropriate adult while you are away.

you do not have a single friend or family member n the whole world who he can call upon while you are a abroad for a day?
if yes then have the conversation with them and him.

if not, then no. He needs an adult he can call
on if he needs help.

TubeScreamer · 19/03/2025 06:44

No, because you can’t get back easily if something does go wrong. If it was in this country and you could drive back quickly or call on a neighbour my answer might be different.
14 is still very young, however sensible the child.

CaptainFuture · 19/03/2025 06:46

dunroamingfornow · 19/03/2025 06:42

I wouldn't. You've said there are no friends she can stay with. This means you're leaving a14 year old alone overnight with no- one around to help if anything happens .
Does she really have no friends at all ?
Do you have any friends she can stay with?
I'd help my child's classmate in this situation

This, what if they lose their house key, boiler breaks down, smoke /co2 alarm goes off?
Who would they contact for help?
And absolutely not expecting you to share, but it doesn't sound like a health emergency for the family member abroad, do you need to be there in person?

jeaux90 · 19/03/2025 06:47

I think you are better to try solve the situation at the other end of this. I’m also a lone parent so I know it hard but no I wouldn’t leave DD15 on her own overnight

SchoolDilemma17 · 19/03/2025 06:49

Don’t do it. If anything happens you will get reported to social services or much much worse. Whatever your reason, Flying abroad and leaving a 14 year old home alone us a bad idea. They don’t have a friend you can ask for a sleepover.

soupyspoon · 19/03/2025 06:49

Im not sure people are as forthcoming in real life as they seem to be on here about helping out

A parent you dont know, and know nothing of their circumstance, says can you have my child to stay overnight as Im leaving the country for 30 hours, and I'll be back later

You can imagine the threads on here asking AIBU to say no!!!

romdowa · 19/03/2025 06:51

I know you're in a tough situation op but you can't leave a 14 year old totally alone with no emergency contact while you are in a different country. Even in the same country it would be fairly unreasonable.

medlow · 19/03/2025 06:53

Can you afford a nanny for a one-off? Speak to his teacher and ask who is best mate is, then see if she can point mum of mate out in the playground. Has he never had a sleepover? If he has then ring them, explain and say you will do a reciprocal sleepover whenever suits them.
All else failing take him with you. Explain to the school before you leave. Missing 1-2 days is not going to ruin his education.