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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave 14yo alone in the country for one night?

282 replies

iloveapplesandcakes · 19/03/2025 04:58

Single parent here, no family around here, no support network.

DC is 14, very sensible. They'd go to school, I fly out at lunch time, they come back home, reheat dinner, stay overnight and go to school in the morning, I return home before they are back from school, I'd be away for about 30 hours. DC is happy with this idea, they can manage. I'm concerned about emergency situation. I badly need to go to help a close relative abroad. Can't take DC with me for a number of reasons, mainly school but also family issue which is the reason for need to travel.

Voting:
AIBU: I wouldn't leave DC alone, no matter how sensible they are.
YANBU: it's ok for DC to stay for 30h alone given desperate circumstances.

OP posts:
prelovedusername · 19/03/2025 07:22

OP I completely understand having no support network, I was in that position. No friends or neighbours I would feel comfortable asking. Some people never experience this, lucky them.

As this is an emergency does DC have a schoolfriend where they could stay overnight? If not then yes, I’d consider it, but I would try and find someone local who would be an emergency call away

Holidayfix · 19/03/2025 07:24

If there's really no one you can leave him with, I think you have to take him with you. He cane miss 2 days' for an emergency and take schoolwork/ electronics to keep him occupied and away from the crisis.

LoftyPlumBird · 19/03/2025 07:34

Arcticrival · 19/03/2025 07:12

I take it you don't have teenagers. there is a huge difference in maturity, temperament and ability to deal with unexpected situations between a 14 and a 16 year old

Show quote history

Not only that, but legally a 16 year old can make important decisions for themselves, and if an emergency happened while the parent was in another country for one night it wouldn't result in social services involvement.

Deliaskis · 19/03/2025 07:34

Sorry I agree with the majority here. 14 is too young for overnight and out of the country.

Options are take them with you, find a friend for sleepover or another childcare solution, or solve the overseas problem without actually going there.

VanCleefArpels · 19/03/2025 07:35

There are way too many variables to make this a sensible plan - not least for example weather related travel delays, accidentally locking himself out of the house (we’ve all done it!) or the extremes of burglary or fire. The best solution is a sleepover with a friend. His mates parents will be understanding and willing to help out in an emergency - please ask for help!

Anniesgal · 19/03/2025 07:36

I did but regretted it. No crisis but he suddenly got scared despite having been left til 10 pm several times. Had to reassure him by phone until 1am - wasn't bad enough to disturb our friends close by who were on emergency standby. As others have said big difference by 16

Fountofwisdom · 19/03/2025 07:39

Definitely not. Anything can happen overnight and your DC may not know how to get help. There could be a fire, a break-in, a burst pipe. They could be taken ill. Or something unexpected (noise outside or whatever) could just frighten them. So many potential issues could arise.

You need to hire a babysitter who can stay overnight or ask a friend’s family to take your DC in for the night and offer a future sleepover in return.

herbalteabag · 19/03/2025 07:40

I left my son for a night at 15. But I wouldn't have flown to another country. I was two hours away.

Passthecake30 · 19/03/2025 07:40

Is there an older teen babysitter local that would stay overnight?
when my two were on the cusp of being allowed to stay at home in the day time I had an elder sibling of a girl in school round, not to babysit, just to be the mature one in the house should the front door ring etc.

Arcticrival · 19/03/2025 07:41

I think you need to look at this differently. What is more important-your sick relative or your child? Surely your relative in another country has friends/other family to help them or even social/paid carer/hospital care.

You really can't leave your 14 year old overnight and go to another country. It only takes 1 unexpected occurrence/someone reporting you/ and your whole life could potentially unravel.

If you are adamant on going then take your DD with you. missing 2 days of school is a better result than the potential consequences of leaving her alone overnight while you go abroad

brettsalanger · 19/03/2025 07:41

No I don’t think this is okay. If you have no support, who should be there in case of an emergency?

LoftyPlumBird · 19/03/2025 07:43

Arcticrival · 19/03/2025 07:41

I think you need to look at this differently. What is more important-your sick relative or your child? Surely your relative in another country has friends/other family to help them or even social/paid carer/hospital care.

You really can't leave your 14 year old overnight and go to another country. It only takes 1 unexpected occurrence/someone reporting you/ and your whole life could potentially unravel.

If you are adamant on going then take your DD with you. missing 2 days of school is a better result than the potential consequences of leaving her alone overnight while you go abroad

Edited

I wish people would stop saying "surely you have a person who can look after your child/sick elderly relative".

Some of literally do not. I don't even think it's that unusual. Maybe you really should realize how lucky you are if you're in that situation, because it's not guaranteed.

VeryNiceDay · 19/03/2025 07:44

Could you pay a child minder to stay overnight? Even any kind of carer that you could get from an agency would probably be okay.

Swiftie1878 · 19/03/2025 07:45

No. Surely there’s a friend they can sleepover with? X

ThreeMagicNumber · 19/03/2025 07:46

No I absolutely wouldn't, I'd be taking them with me in this situation.

soupyspoon · 19/03/2025 07:46

LoftyPlumBird · 19/03/2025 07:43

I wish people would stop saying "surely you have a person who can look after your child/sick elderly relative".

Some of literally do not. I don't even think it's that unusual. Maybe you really should realize how lucky you are if you're in that situation, because it's not guaranteed.

Show quote history

Totally this, these are dilemmas that people are trying to manage all the time

Sounds to me as if OP might be in one part of the UK and is quickly flying to scotland or ireland or something and then back again perhaps.

Arcticrival · 19/03/2025 07:48

LoftyPlumBird · 19/03/2025 07:43

I wish people would stop saying "surely you have a person who can look after your child/sick elderly relative".

Some of literally do not. I don't even think it's that unusual. Maybe you really should realize how lucky you are if you're in that situation, because it's not guaranteed.

Show quote history

I did mention social care or hospital care. The relative lives in another country so obviously isn't dependent on the OP for care on a daily basis.

Regardless of whether there is care or not the OP needs to decide whose needs to put first - her relative or her child.

TheMissingLinkHasBeenFound · 19/03/2025 07:49

A bit odd that you know zero people that could have her overnight. No family on either side? No friends of yours, or hers at all?

I'd bring her with me at 14 tbh if it was really just me and DD alone with nobody else.

MonkeyTennis34 · 19/03/2025 07:50

Don’t be ridiculous.
No.

soupyspoon · 19/03/2025 07:51

Arcticrival · 19/03/2025 07:48

I did mention social care or hospital care. The relative lives in another country so obviously isn't dependent on the OP for care on a daily basis.

Regardless of whether there is care or not the OP needs to decide whose needs to put first - her relative or her child.

Edited
Show quote history

Perhaps the relative isnt dependent on anyone for daily care and something has clearly happned where they now need support.

OP is probably lonely enough without people rubbing it in that she hasnt got anyone round her and calling it 'odd' as per another post.

Oopsps · 19/03/2025 07:53

I would ask the parents of one of their friends - or hire someone from sitters.com to do an overnight

cheerupbuttercup · 19/03/2025 07:55

If you're only going for one overnight, why can't you go at the weekend and take your child with you?
Your own child has to be your priority. Leaving them alone to go and help another family member could potentially cause your own emergency at home!

CaptainFuture · 19/03/2025 07:56

soupyspoon · 19/03/2025 07:46

Totally this, these are dilemmas that people are trying to manage all the time

Sounds to me as if OP might be in one part of the UK and is quickly flying to scotland or ireland or something and then back again perhaps.

Show quote history

But op clearly says 'abroad' and the emergency situation is a family issue.
So doesn't sound like a UK ill health thing?

Holidayfix · 19/03/2025 07:56

LoftyPlumBird · 19/03/2025 07:43

I wish people would stop saying "surely you have a person who can look after your child/sick elderly relative".

Some of literally do not. I don't even think it's that unusual. Maybe you really should realize how lucky you are if you're in that situation, because it's not guaranteed.

Show quote history

I think it is hard to believe DS doesn't have a friend who's parents could be asked, even if OP doesn't know them. Several people have said they 'd have their DC's friend overnight in such a situation. I would and whilst it might be uncomfortable to ask, it has to be better than leaving him alone.

User5274959 · 19/03/2025 07:57

I know it doesn't help now, but you need to build a network. Dc needs someone to call if you are taken ill or don't come home when expected (on normal days I mean)