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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my son as missing?

459 replies

stucky · 18/03/2025 21:23

Wondering when to start panicking? DS 22, hasn't been home since Friday day time. He usually lets me know what's going on. It's not unusual for him to spend time at a friends for a day or two, however I've messaged his closest friends, no one's seen him since Friday. His phone been dead since Saturday morning. I know he's not a child, but he's my son and I'm concerned about his wellbeing. Should I report him as a missing person? Or am I overreacting? I just don't know what to do.

Please be kind, I am currently feel very fragile.

OP posts:
petiteoeuf · 19/03/2025 20:18

So glad he’s ok. And just to say that I love the way you talk about your relationship and your personal beliefs about parenting. You sound like such an empathetic, determined and supportive mum and I really love it

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/03/2025 20:25

So pleased he’s safe. Such a worry for you. I hope he let you give him a hug.

treesandsun · 19/03/2025 20:27

Glad he is back home and safe - you must be very relieved.

Hadjab · 19/03/2025 20:29

Bbq1 · 19/03/2025 19:30

Agreed. It would be on the news surely? How could a mother have "peace of mind", happily posting on MN whilst her ds has been missing for days and not turned up for work?

Show quote history

Do you know how many people go missing on a daily basis in the UK?

Around 400. They aren't all going to make the evening news.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 19/03/2025 20:31

Really glad he’s with you now. Look after yourselves.

SpringIsNearlySpringing · 19/03/2025 20:35

OldCottageGreenhouse · 19/03/2025 20:18

*he’s

Show quote history

Oh well done 👏
🙄

Emotionalsupporthamster · 19/03/2025 20:39

Glad to hear your DS is OK OP. For what it’s worth I think it sounds like you dealt with the situation very well despite being sick with worry as we’d all be.

BotDranning · 19/03/2025 20:41

You have acted with great strength and consideration. I'm so glad he's home. Big hugs to you all x

LittleGwyneth · 19/03/2025 20:43

So glad that he's home.

Mayana1 · 19/03/2025 20:58

stucky · 18/03/2025 22:53

Sorry everyone,thanks for all the responses. I didn't over the weekend because he does sometimes stay at his friends. His best friends share a house and he crashes there sometimes so it's not unusual for him to be gone till Sunday. I only became alarmed when his close knit group of friends said they hadn't seen him since Friday and he hadn't been to work when I called. I found these things out today when I started to become increasingly alarmed and did some sleuthing. As others have said it's hard to know when it's okay to breach your adult child's privacy and what consitutes reasonable contact with friends. Some of whom I've met, and many I haven't that I contact via multiple platforms to ascertain if he was alright.

I haven't spoken to him, I messaged everyone I could think of to get information before i called the police and someone said he's at a friends with a dead phone. I am both furious and incredibly relieved. Planning to attempt to sleep once the adrenaline wears off.

thanks for all the support. I know it seemed odd to post on here I just needed some perspective from people outside the situation who weren't bias.

Ohhhh, thank God, this is a relief. But at the same time, I know he is an adult but I would still tell him off for not calling work.

FastPurpleBee · 19/03/2025 21:00

You must definitely report this even if he turns up safe, why risk it

CustardySergeant · 19/03/2025 21:00

FastPurpleBee · 19/03/2025 21:00

You must definitely report this even if he turns up safe, why risk it

He's home now.

FastPurpleBee · 19/03/2025 21:02

That's such good news

Angrymum22 · 19/03/2025 21:05

Glad he’s home.

beasmithwentworth · 19/03/2025 21:05

OldCottageGreenhouse · 19/03/2025 20:18

*he’s

Show quote history

Are you for real? 😳

catlover123456789 · 19/03/2025 21:06

So glad he is home.

StillweriseLH · 19/03/2025 21:07

FastPurpleBee · 19/03/2025 21:00

You must definitely report this even if he turns up safe, why risk it

And you must definitely learn to at least read the OPs replies if not the whole thread.

PickledMuffin · 19/03/2025 21:09

I’m so glad he’s home OP. x

FastPurpleBee · 19/03/2025 21:12

Well I'm new to this, but thanks for pointing that out

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 19/03/2025 21:13

You did the right thing.

A family member went missing a year ago at age 22.

He’s still not found. It’s awful.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 19/03/2025 21:17

Vodkamummy · 19/03/2025 19:28

You are definitely not over reacting, you must be worried sick, report it xx hoping for him to come home safe

Dear Lord. It’s so easy now to click on all the OP’s posts. The DS is HOME.

Booboobagins · 19/03/2025 21:17

So glad he's home @stucky

Whatever you need to do to support him I can tell from your post you will do.

Sending a big hug I was worried for you reading you posts tonight.

All the best to your son too, its fabulous he knows he needs help. Be proud of him x

LimeQuoter · 19/03/2025 21:20

If there's a possibility of him having an addiction of some kind it could need addressing sooner rather than later. You could let him know how worried you were when you see him and that its worrying if anyone goes missing. Mention the case if the shoe was on the other foot and another family member couldn't be contacted without notice

daleylama · 19/03/2025 21:20

stucky · 19/03/2025 19:08

hi everyone, he's home and unscathed. He's not in a great headspace and has asked for some counselling. We have quite a complex history with DV and I think he's being impacted by unresolved trauma.

I read some comments about gentle parent and how it can create lazy, complacent adults or something to that affect.

I am not a shouter, I don't like punitive measures and I trust my son. We have a good relationship and are very close. I don't feel and have never felt the need to breach his privacy as an adult until this weekend.
When he was jumped, he was with his girlfriend and they called me and let me know what had happened. We FaceTimed and I offered to go over, I wanted to be with him. I respected his decision to not have me there. I try to be respectful of his decisions and by no means claim to be a perfect parent. I really wasn't coming on here to have my parenting judged from snapshots of information.
Colleagues and friends of mine are police officers and I know how stretched services are. I didn't want to involve them unless it was absolutely necessary and all other avenues of enquiry had been explored. I was right in my decision and my actions yesterday have resulted in him coming home,
for what it's worth.

I can tell you that I was worried about a million things and had concerns about his welfare last night. Felt like an awful mum and in those moments, which I believe we alll have, I did not want or need affirmation of my darkest fears and failings from strangers on the internet.

I am going to remove this thread at 8pm but wanted to thank those posters that were supportive and kind. It really helped, as I said I needed unbiased opinions so thank you so much.

i hope you all have a peaceful, uneventful evening. I will not be responding to any more posts but am appreciative of the concern felt for my family and I.

feel for you - he's lucky to have such a thoughtful mum. I hope you can get him to agree to just check in if he's staying away for the night..just a text, blimey -not a big ask. I hope you continue to find your ay out of the thorns. Some on MNet can be so unnecessarily judgmental

ForeverPombear · 19/03/2025 21:29

Vye1988 · 19/03/2025 19:39

I have not read all the replies yet, but I voted UABU purely based on the fact he appears to have been missing for nearly 6 days! Post implies he lives at home, none of his friends have seen him and his phone has been off so he is not contactable. Please call the police and report him as missing!

How about you RTFT or at least just the OP's posts before you make a fool of yourself.