Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my son as missing?

459 replies

stucky · 18/03/2025 21:23

Wondering when to start panicking? DS 22, hasn't been home since Friday day time. He usually lets me know what's going on. It's not unusual for him to spend time at a friends for a day or two, however I've messaged his closest friends, no one's seen him since Friday. His phone been dead since Saturday morning. I know he's not a child, but he's my son and I'm concerned about his wellbeing. Should I report him as a missing person? Or am I overreacting? I just don't know what to do.

Please be kind, I am currently feel very fragile.

OP posts:
Bbq1 · 19/03/2025 19:40

Okay, he's home. That's great but it's v bizarre for a parent to not worry when there is radio silence from their young adult dc who it's now been revealed is very mentally fragile. Son didn't turn up for work either. I would be out of my mind.
Glad he's home though.

Ticktockwatchclock · 19/03/2025 19:41

Vye1988 · 19/03/2025 19:39

I have not read all the replies yet, but I voted UABU purely based on the fact he appears to have been missing for nearly 6 days! Post implies he lives at home, none of his friends have seen him and his phone has been off so he is not contactable. Please call the police and report him as missing!

Maybe if you took the trouble to at least read the OPs updates you would be up to speed with what has happened.

Flux1 · 19/03/2025 19:42

I'm so glad he is home safely. You must be so relieved. Best wishes to you both for the future. You seem like a lovely, kind, caring mum x

Johna69 · 19/03/2025 19:43

Can't believe people have put you are being unreasonable.

GrannyJJ · 19/03/2025 19:46

Bless you. He might have taken something at the weekend that’s messed his mind - he’s still very young and tbh best to overreact reporting him missing than underreact and regret it. Especially given poor mental health history. The fact he wants counselling is really good. But if he goes missing again then please do report to the police. They have a risk assessment process based on history and present day risks and would react accordingly. Don’t worry about over reacting. My own son went missing years ago twice & both times they located him and I fear he may have not had a positive outcome if not. He’s great now though. Got help and is so resilient now. Bless you both

CousinBob · 19/03/2025 19:47

Bless you OP. Glad he is safe and returned home.

DreamTheMoors · 19/03/2025 19:49

When I was 14, I went to the school dance on a Friday night.
It was over at 11pm and my ride fell through. I caught a ride with a couple of friends. I got home at 11:20, and as I gripped the doorknob, a hand came out and grabbed me by the front of my shirt and yanked me into the house — and at the same time punched me right in the face.
I saw that fist coming at me again, and I ducked and BAM!! my mum slammed her fist into the thick front door, which stunned her enough to stop.
It turned out she thought the dance was over at 10pm and she thought I was out getting up to no good.
So the next day, I had a black eye and Mum had a bruised hand.
Over the years, Mum’s version was much embellished where she heard a siren and then many sirens and how worried she was for me.
I call bullshit.
How many of your Mums rewrote history?

GripeOfTheDay · 19/03/2025 19:54

Well done Mum, a tough time handled well .

I think all our young uns are going through some tough times collectively I think.

sandyhappypeople · 19/03/2025 19:56

I don't feel and have never felt the need to breach his privacy as an adult until this weekend.

I'm glad he's okay OP, but it's NOT a breach of his privacy to want to know that he is okay, it would be if you wanted to know where he was who he was with and what he was doing, but going completely 'missing' from home and work seemingly out of the blue is completely different, he should be able to have some space away without putting you through all those days of worry and panic of not knowing if something has happened to him, it sounds like you may have had some trauma in your lives and it could have skewed your sense of what are normal and acceptable boundaries.

Wanting to know your son is safe is NOT in any way a breach of his privacy.

Letskeepcalm · 19/03/2025 20:00

stucky · 19/03/2025 19:08

hi everyone, he's home and unscathed. He's not in a great headspace and has asked for some counselling. We have quite a complex history with DV and I think he's being impacted by unresolved trauma.

I read some comments about gentle parent and how it can create lazy, complacent adults or something to that affect.

I am not a shouter, I don't like punitive measures and I trust my son. We have a good relationship and are very close. I don't feel and have never felt the need to breach his privacy as an adult until this weekend.
When he was jumped, he was with his girlfriend and they called me and let me know what had happened. We FaceTimed and I offered to go over, I wanted to be with him. I respected his decision to not have me there. I try to be respectful of his decisions and by no means claim to be a perfect parent. I really wasn't coming on here to have my parenting judged from snapshots of information.
Colleagues and friends of mine are police officers and I know how stretched services are. I didn't want to involve them unless it was absolutely necessary and all other avenues of enquiry had been explored. I was right in my decision and my actions yesterday have resulted in him coming home,
for what it's worth.

I can tell you that I was worried about a million things and had concerns about his welfare last night. Felt like an awful mum and in those moments, which I believe we alll have, I did not want or need affirmation of my darkest fears and failings from strangers on the internet.

I am going to remove this thread at 8pm but wanted to thank those posters that were supportive and kind. It really helped, as I said I needed unbiased opinions so thank you so much.

i hope you all have a peaceful, uneventful evening. I will not be responding to any more posts but am appreciative of the concern felt for my family and I.

So glad he's safe. Been through the same with my kids. It's NOT EASY being a parent. We'll dine. You sound like a lovely mother to me

Letskeepcalm · 19/03/2025 20:01

Well done, not we'll dine

Atsocta · 19/03/2025 20:03

Definitely and please do it right away ..

Atsocta · 19/03/2025 20:05

Atsocta · 19/03/2025 20:03

Definitely and please do it right away ..

Just realised his ok 👍that's good to hear …

DistressedDamson · 19/03/2025 20:05

Atsocta · 19/03/2025 20:03

Definitely and please do it right away ..

Please do what? 🙄😂

Apollo365 · 19/03/2025 20:08

Glad he’s ok OP xxx

mummysmagicmedicine · 19/03/2025 20:09

Please do

DoggingDave · 19/03/2025 20:10

stucky · 19/03/2025 19:08

hi everyone, he's home and unscathed. He's not in a great headspace and has asked for some counselling. We have quite a complex history with DV and I think he's being impacted by unresolved trauma.

I read some comments about gentle parent and how it can create lazy, complacent adults or something to that affect.

I am not a shouter, I don't like punitive measures and I trust my son. We have a good relationship and are very close. I don't feel and have never felt the need to breach his privacy as an adult until this weekend.
When he was jumped, he was with his girlfriend and they called me and let me know what had happened. We FaceTimed and I offered to go over, I wanted to be with him. I respected his decision to not have me there. I try to be respectful of his decisions and by no means claim to be a perfect parent. I really wasn't coming on here to have my parenting judged from snapshots of information.
Colleagues and friends of mine are police officers and I know how stretched services are. I didn't want to involve them unless it was absolutely necessary and all other avenues of enquiry had been explored. I was right in my decision and my actions yesterday have resulted in him coming home,
for what it's worth.

I can tell you that I was worried about a million things and had concerns about his welfare last night. Felt like an awful mum and in those moments, which I believe we alll have, I did not want or need affirmation of my darkest fears and failings from strangers on the internet.

I am going to remove this thread at 8pm but wanted to thank those posters that were supportive and kind. It really helped, as I said I needed unbiased opinions so thank you so much.

i hope you all have a peaceful, uneventful evening. I will not be responding to any more posts but am appreciative of the concern felt for my family and I.

8.10pm post is still here! Glad he's back safe hope you get it all sorted best of luck.

oldmoaner · 19/03/2025 20:11

So pleased he's home and safe, and if he wants counselling go to doctors and get it sorted. That's the first step, asking for help.ngood luck to both of you.

Notagreatresult · 19/03/2025 20:12

So glad he’s home now OP.

TreadLightly3 · 19/03/2025 20:12

So glad he’s home @stucky i hope all works out for you and your son x

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 19/03/2025 20:14

mummysmagicmedicine · 19/03/2025 20:09

Please do

Do what? Confused

Branster · 19/03/2025 20:14

So so pleased to see your update OP, I've been thinking about your thread since I saw it yeasterday but didn't feel it was appropriate to comment in the midst of everything else.
Always seek help, your son is more important than anything else in this world for you, certainly more important than a stretched police service. Hopefully there won't be a-next time, but if there is, seek help asap.
I hope your son will benefit from alll the support he is now seeking and I wish you only the best.

MrsMrsD · 19/03/2025 20:16

I'm so glad he's home and hope he gets the help he needs. You have done nothing wrong OP. Ignore the ignorant people on the Internet. Take care x

OldCottageGreenhouse · 19/03/2025 20:18

Quinlan · 18/03/2025 21:25

You haven’t already? With what you’ve said, i’d have reported it sunday night or yesterday. Why have you waited until now?

What the HELL is wrong with you????

OldCottageGreenhouse · 19/03/2025 20:18

Atsocta · 19/03/2025 20:05

Just realised his ok 👍that's good to hear …

Show quote history

*he’s