Advice on moving away to Cornwall with kids when their mum lives in Manchester.

[LewisS087]

Hi, I realise I will likely need some professional advice on this matter but I'm hoping anyone who may have been through similar can advice me on this for now

I have two children 5 & 8 who are I'm my care almost full time, the children's mum is supposed to see them every second Saturday and Sunday and then every Wednesday, she is not good at sticking to this and this year she has only seen the kids 7 days since January, she has not seen them at all this month (her choice) and is leaving for Spain soon and won't be back until April so it will likely be mid to late April before she visits them again.

Me and my kids live together in Manchester with my partner and her daughter, eveyone gets on well and we are all very happy, my partners parents live in Cornwall, they are lovely people and treat my children like they are their grandchildren, they really love them, a few months ago my parents decided they wanted to finally move to Cornwall and have started the ball rolling on that.

Me and my partner have spoken about moving to Cornwall, her dad has offered me a job in his company and partners grandparents are very seriously considering selling their house to move in to a little elderly support cottage type place. We would love to buy the house and accept the job offer.

I have spoken to the children's mum on the phone about this and she's hit the roof saying that over her dead body will another women take her kids away, now the issue is that the children's mum really isn't much interested in them, doesn't pay a penny towards them, never bought them a single thing, rarley turns up to visit them, she goes months without as much as a phone call for them, both children are pretty detached from her, i put them in therapy last year for a little bit as I was worried but there's not much else I can do as their mum isn't willing to regularly and consistently see them.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and moved away with kids? Is it allowed or would a court put a stop to it? I am In no way trying to distant them from their mother I just want to move and make a better life for us all, but I hate being forced to stay in Manchester just so she can decide to visit her kids one every few months.

I would be willing to drive to Manchester one weekend every month so that she can see them and would happily transport back and forth during holidays, but currently she lives 5 minutes away and doesn't even see them every weekend.

Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

I think it's too far. You say you are happy to drive to Manchester every month but given your children's ages, it will be for a number of years. You'll get fed up of doing it. It's also rubbish for the children. You aren't stuck in Manchester, you could move somewhere else that isn't as far away from the other parent.

Unqualified to offer advice so I won’t but you can tag users to whose comments you are replying using either the wee @ symbol in the bottom right of the message box; or simply typing @ will pull up a list of those who’ve posted in the thread.

I don't think I agree with the comments you're getting so far. The mother clearly isn't interested and can't be bothered to keep contact with the DC. The two sets of grandparents will all be living in Cornwall and if you stay in the Manchester area you'll damage the DC's relationship with them as well, apart from the fact that they can offer support whereas the mother won't, wherever you live. The mother is only worried about what people will think! Go for it and see what happens?

Partners daughter is 9 and has no contact with her father. My daughter turns 6 in June and son turns 9 shortly after. I have been with parnter for almost 5 years and we get married this year.

What about a compromise? Move to Dorset. Far easier if contact happens but also within reason to visit Cornwall. You still get a lovely place to live.

You need to do whatever is best for the children. Only you know, hand on heart what that is.

I think it sounds great for the kids to be in Cornwall with their extended family. I also think Manchester to Cornwall is an enormous distance. And if mum is already flakey what will you do if you've driven all that way to find she's not home?

And if she rarely bothers with the kids when they're 5 minutes away, she seems even less likely to bother when they're 5 hours away.

Really tricky.

Legally, I don't think it's an issue as you remain in the same country. As the child of separated parents who lived a good distance apart, it's not great, but by the sounds of it, she's flaky and may stop bothering all together. Sounds like she could end up moving abroad herself

If the kids are up for it, do it. You've offered to drive them up there once a month. Double check the legal position, though, but it certainly used to only be an issue if moving out of the country.

I agree with PPs about seeking legal advice. On the face of it, I would say it sounds like a good move. I don't think the distance would be unmanageable. It seems as though your children's mother has checked out of parenthood if she's happy not to see her young children for months at a time despite living so near to them. That is extremely sad for your kids and must be damaging to them.

If she can’t be bothered to visit them when they are 5 mins away then I doubt she would be bothered to take you court

@Zipline5 years

21 years ago after divorcing my DC’s father I rekindled a romance with an former partner who had moved from Manchester to the Cotswolds. My DC was 5. My former partner had two DC, similar ages to my DC, living with him full time. After a year he wanted me to relocate. I agonised over it but finally decided that my DC’s Dad, unreliable as he was, had a right to see his child and vice versa. I stayed in Manchester. I think that was the right decision. Cornwall is very far from Manchester, expensive by train or plane, a very long way to drive.

I think it is damaging to children to be constantly let down by a parent. She bails on seeing them all the time. They know she is close by and at 8 they are very aware of that relationship.

I worked with a child in school whose parents dipped in and out of his life (drugs and alcohol) and the grandparents who were raising them said it would have been better if they had stopped trying to get the parents to be interested in their children when they were clearly not. As they had gone down the contact route it just meant messed up children. Some end up with attachment disorder.

I think the move sounds excellent, you have a job lined up, your partner's parents are there, your parents are moving there and the one stable parent they have ie you will be giving them a great life.

Mums do move for family support, this is just a Dad. Get legal advice but if you were my friend I would be telling you to do it.

You can fly from Cornwall to Manchester. Would it be affordable for you to do this a couple of times a month? I think 14 hours of travelling is quite a lot for children in a weekend and they wouldn't actually have much time with their Mum unless you drove into the night straight from school on the Friday.

You mentioned this year. It's still early days in the year. How often did she see the children before this year, was it regular, has there been a change in her life and it's just suddenly started or has she always been shit? You've been with the woman since the youngest was still a baby, did you have her full time then? What was the circumstances that led to that?

Will you still want to be in Cornwall if you break up with your new partner and don't have a job etc there? It wouldn't be fair to move them again.

If she's been like this since day 1 I wouldn't stay for her. But if it's a new thing I'd give it a year to and let her know you plan on moving if there has been no change.

Id be very wary about moving and being reliant on a job offer from your partner's father. If it all goes wrong there isn't much work opportunities in Cornwall and housing is really expensive.

@ziplinei have my own business and earn well, ex said she realised too late that she didn't want kids so she left, it was her choice, she doesn't wish to see them regularly, and pays nothing towards them

You'll have to apply to court for permission. If you can assure the court you'll take them back to Manchester every school holiday at your expense and inconvenience to see their mum I'd say you have a fairly good chance. There are 6 holidays per year, if you go twice in the summer that's 7 visits per year which is probably not far off her current schedule. Make sure you make a list of all the times she's seen them over the past 12 months and save evidence of cancellations and attempts to arrange contact on your part.

7 days this year is indeed shit, but EOW would only be 12 days and that's facilitated by many MANY single mothers every day.

Why do you need a job if you have your own business and earn well?