Advice on moving away to Cornwall with kids when their mum lives in Manchester.

[LewisS087]

Hi, I realise I will likely need some professional advice on this matter but I'm hoping anyone who may have been through similar can advice me on this for now

I have two children 5 & 8 who are I'm my care almost full time, the children's mum is supposed to see them every second Saturday and Sunday and then every Wednesday, she is not good at sticking to this and this year she has only seen the kids 7 days since January, she has not seen them at all this month (her choice) and is leaving for Spain soon and won't be back until April so it will likely be mid to late April before she visits them again.

Me and my kids live together in Manchester with my partner and her daughter, eveyone gets on well and we are all very happy, my partners parents live in Cornwall, they are lovely people and treat my children like they are their grandchildren, they really love them, a few months ago my parents decided they wanted to finally move to Cornwall and have started the ball rolling on that.

Me and my partner have spoken about moving to Cornwall, her dad has offered me a job in his company and partners grandparents are very seriously considering selling their house to move in to a little elderly support cottage type place. We would love to buy the house and accept the job offer.

I have spoken to the children's mum on the phone about this and she's hit the roof saying that over her dead body will another women take her kids away, now the issue is that the children's mum really isn't much interested in them, doesn't pay a penny towards them, never bought them a single thing, rarley turns up to visit them, she goes months without as much as a phone call for them, both children are pretty detached from her, i put them in therapy last year for a little bit as I was worried but there's not much else I can do as their mum isn't willing to regularly and consistently see them.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and moved away with kids? Is it allowed or would a court put a stop to it? I am In no way trying to distant them from their mother I just want to move and make a better life for us all, but I hate being forced to stay in Manchester just so she can decide to visit her kids one every few months.

I would be willing to drive to Manchester one weekend every month so that she can see them and would happily transport back and forth during holidays, but currently she lives 5 minutes away and doesn't even see them every weekend.

Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

I would go for it

I loved to the south west 7 hours away from family and have done the journey loads - with kids - by car, plane and train.

And in light of that, I say go for it. Put your family first. Cornwall is a great place to raise kids. Enjoy.

can you apply for sole custody considering she is not doing her share at all?

If your ex saw the children more, would you still move them away?

Definitely seek legal advice.

I think it sounds like a wonderful opportunity. You would be near Family who love, and it would be great for the kids to have that support network around

Their mum clearly isn’t bothered. I would do it if you could

This! ⬆️

I think you should take the opportunity, the mother isn't really too fussed about distance whilst she is in Spain. I consulted with a solicitor regarding doing the same thing years ago. I was advised I had the right to move anywhere in the UK I wanted to and didn't need the other parents permission and they would still need to make that journey to collect the children if they wanted to. It sounds like she isn't too bothered about contact with them but wants to be in control over your movements.

Do it, it’ll be wonderful for your kids, you’re giving them a loving stable life, and they can have their one weekend a month in Manchester. I don’t think there will be anything opposing it but do get advice. Your kids are very lucky to have a stable family with you.

What relationship?

I think go but get legal advice and accept she will challenge. Do you have all the records of when she doesn’t take them?

you could threaten for maintenance on basis she isn’t the primary carer.

it would actually be better all round for kids not to be disappointed when she lets them down and fixed weeks in the holidays would be better all round.

use the travel to Manchester monthly as your trump card. You know she will cancel

And what do the kids want to do? Old enough to express their wishes and the extended family sounds wonderful.

Consult citizens advice or a family solicitor, but personally if she can't get off her backside to see her children 5 mins down the road, go to Cornwall. The kids won't be expecting her to turn up, nor will you be hanging around waiting for her. Sounds like a much better family structured life for the kids and you. You will sort out the logistics of visiting the mother later. Go build a new life.

In my job I am often writing reports for the family court. You need to think long and hard if a move is in the children’s best interests and how are you going to make them avaliable for time with their mum ie travelling back to Manchester once a month, lots of video calls. Splitting school holidays etc. She may initiate court proceedings and they can temporarily block a move if you haven’t gone already which will cause confusion for the kids if they think they are leaving. If you are going ahead I’d give her a clear timeline and then if she wants to apply to court she is able to do so.

you may want to see a solicitor and think about whether you need a formal live with order.

it is very tricky when you enter court, lengthy and expensive.

you could try mediation to see if you can come up with a plan that suits everyone

Move the mother doesn't bother, as long as you offer to drive to Manchester for school holidays etc if she can be bothered to see her children, she can't exactly complain as she's not wanting a relationship with them. I would make a note of the dates that she seen the children in the last 12/24 months

I think it sounds wonderful and you offering to see her once a month is commendable. Start keeping a log of all the missed meetings with her kids. I think that is very damaging to your kids and she sounds like she can’t be bothered and at the same time she is jealous you are planning a better life. It is not like you want to kidnap them and they will never see their mum.

I would seek legal advice and then definitely move to Cornwall. Newquay to Manchester is less than 50 flight time and flight costs can be reasonable.
you’re not stopping your children from seeing their mum. You’re offering them a wonderful way of life and a chance to see her when she can be bothered. I hope it works out for you.

You are the custodial parent. Ask your legal counsel if move-aways are allowed for employment of the primary caregiver. You might have to be the one who drives them.

Flying to and from Manchester would be easier (just over an hour flight), but expensive.

I would personally go for it if the kids are onboard. Sounds like a great network to be part of growing up.

(I’ve been no contact with my mum since I was 8 years old as she was - and still is - a waste of space, so perhaps I’m a little bias when it comes to walking away from parents who don’t give a sh*t)

If their mum is so bothered about them moving further away then why is she going off to Spain which is much further away. Also why should you stay near where she lives in the off-chance that she might want to see her children when you could all have a much better life elsewhere. She sounds totally unreliable and what message is that sending her children. Take them to Cornwall and offer her as much access as she can be bothered to have.

OP just go .
I wish you all a very happy life together , Good luck

Come to Cornwall. Be aware that it's expensive by every measure. Healthcare is atrocious, dentistry virtually non-existent. Travelling during season (depending where you are) is hellish. Most areas have useless public transport & schools are almost universally below national average in terms of academics.

Wellbeing, though, is high AF, as is safety.

These are the things to consider. Their mum sounds (frankly) like she doesn't deserve your lives being put on hold & her response suggests it's a matter of pride, not about actually caring where her children are.

Fwiw I'm very pro keeping kids near to both parents but sometimes...

It may be a daft question to ask but who if it is claimed gets child benefits?
you need to get a full residency responsibility order put in place that way you have more rights over your children If it is the case that your childrens mother has claim to child benefit, this puts yourself in a predicament as it puts her as the main carer to your children even though they are not living with her or seeing her. You should seek legal advice as soon as possible and I do advise you go for full time custody and take their mother to family courts to get this granted. I will say it will be a lengthy process as cafcass will have to do initial assessments for yourself, mother and children in order to get a court hearing. One thing that will go in your favour, their mother has had little contact and not stuck to regular contact of when she is supposed to see her children. Ppl will be quick to judge etc but if it was a woman in this position, the advice would be totally different.

you have got to put the best interests of your children first like you have been, it is clear their mother is not interested. Keep and log all calls, texts and anything that you can use as evidence to prove that she has missed contact with children and that the children have been living with yourself for as long as they have and that she walked away from them and left them in your care, has not paid any maintenance or provided fir birthdays, Christmas etc. You can get this backdated if you do put in for a claim of CMS at a later date.
Good luck hope you manage to get the legal advice asap

Apologies if I've missed it upthread, but Google suggests direct flights from Plymouth to Manchester exist. Under two hours.

I think you should go for it. As long as you commit to facilitating their relationship with their mother I cannot see anything wrong with your plans.

A very difficult decision for you. I really hope whatever you decide your family and children are happy. Going completely against the grain here (and every experience is different) but my mum moved me and my siblings from a city to a more rural and slower paced area many miles away when we were under the age of 13 and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. My relationship with my dad did survive it - he was also a very uncommitted fair weather parent - and I had an amazing education, friendship circle and childhood because of it. I did really hate the city we lived in originally though and was very tough for the first few months "settling in".

Go for it !

I would just go, she's obviously not interested in her children if she can go months without seeing them, she doesn't have the right to dictate to you where you can live if she can't even be bothered seeing them when she lives so close