Advice on moving away to Cornwall with kids when their mum lives in Manchester.

[LewisS087]

Hi, I realise I will likely need some professional advice on this matter but I'm hoping anyone who may have been through similar can advice me on this for now

I have two children 5 & 8 who are I'm my care almost full time, the children's mum is supposed to see them every second Saturday and Sunday and then every Wednesday, she is not good at sticking to this and this year she has only seen the kids 7 days since January, she has not seen them at all this month (her choice) and is leaving for Spain soon and won't be back until April so it will likely be mid to late April before she visits them again.

Me and my kids live together in Manchester with my partner and her daughter, eveyone gets on well and we are all very happy, my partners parents live in Cornwall, they are lovely people and treat my children like they are their grandchildren, they really love them, a few months ago my parents decided they wanted to finally move to Cornwall and have started the ball rolling on that.

Me and my partner have spoken about moving to Cornwall, her dad has offered me a job in his company and partners grandparents are very seriously considering selling their house to move in to a little elderly support cottage type place. We would love to buy the house and accept the job offer.

I have spoken to the children's mum on the phone about this and she's hit the roof saying that over her dead body will another women take her kids away, now the issue is that the children's mum really isn't much interested in them, doesn't pay a penny towards them, never bought them a single thing, rarley turns up to visit them, she goes months without as much as a phone call for them, both children are pretty detached from her, i put them in therapy last year for a little bit as I was worried but there's not much else I can do as their mum isn't willing to regularly and consistently see them.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and moved away with kids? Is it allowed or would a court put a stop to it? I am In no way trying to distant them from their mother I just want to move and make a better life for us all, but I hate being forced to stay in Manchester just so she can decide to visit her kids one every few months.

I would be willing to drive to Manchester one weekend every month so that she can see them and would happily transport back and forth during holidays, but currently she lives 5 minutes away and doesn't even see them every weekend.

Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

You need to take advice on this. Keep a full log on when your ex sees her kids and when she goes on holidays, how many visits she has missed etc etc. That information will be crucial if this goes to court.

It sounds like your support system, ie your parents, your gf's parents etc will not be around with you in Manchester. Do you have any other support there or will they all be in Cornwall?

Cornwall is a lovely part of the country but like others have said, it's a nightmare to get to and from, housing is prohibitively expensive, if you can find anything. Work it all out before you make the final decision.

It sounds as if this would be the best for everyone, especially as your children are keen. You will have family support, which is really important. You need to be formalising everything at this stage. A solicitor is the first port of call.

How many single parents of two very young children running a successful business would be happy to wrap up said successful business to work for your girlfriend’s dad?

Maybe I’m risk averse, but I would not be jeopardising mine and my children’s financial security on the basis of a job offer from someone who VERY much has a vested interest in me moving ie their own daughter and grandchildren will move close to them

That wasn’t the post I was replying to.. it was about the shock that he had time to get into a relationship

He said in the OP that they had an opportunity to buy her grandparents house as they would move into assisted living.

Single parents often are pretty impressive, in terms of juggling 😃

If OP was a woman in this situation asking advice about moving away from a father the replies would be very different
Do what's right for your kids/family OP, ask them first if they are game then go for it

I think you should move! Sounds like mother is being a part time parent at the moment and doesn’t mind not seeing the children. Sometimes you’ve got to make the best decision for your family and the lifestyle by the sea is amazing!
legal wise not sure - maybe best to consult a solicitor but as it’s in the same country, think it’s okay.
Would be best if your children’s mother was on side with the decision though so perhaps a meet up 1 on 1 when she’s back from holiday (for a coffee) would be good.
good luck!
ps if you do go ahead, please ensure you keep up your end of the bargain of taking the kids back to Manchester once a month!

I think if you were a woman moving away from a deadbeat dad hardly anyone would be saying it's too far.

If you're willing to take the transport burden to honour her time with the kids, go for it.

Although it can be done in 6 hrs and 10 mins, with just one change

Dorset is just a bad traffic wise in summer . Once you move to West of England traffic is shit in summer you are permanently behind a caravan.
So of you going to make the make it near the grandparents so you can walk to them otherwise you won't be seeing them much either.
I would suggest living as close to railway station as you can and checking for direct train to Manchester or channing at reading as that will be much more do able expensive but at least everyone get a rest and you will one on one time with your kids .

I say go, you can’t base your entire life on a parent who barely ever shows up. If she is as useless as you say I highly doubt she will even take this to court.
Once a month regular contact has to be better than being let down all the time. Good luck.

Haven’t rtft
Personally I would be seeing a good lawyer and moving to Cornwall. I’d be putting in provision for contact and be facilitating her and the kids at my own expense if needed

its easy to say no don’t do it. But in real life it’s more complex.

my cousin is the step mother in a very similar situation.
life has been very hard for the poor child involved and it’s clear her step daughter is very damaged by her mother. they emigrated from Australia to Ireland! Two years ago for similar reasons and it’s worked incredibly well for them and the children

only you know the ins and outs of your situation and you are clearly the one looking after your children. Put them first and do what you feel is in their best interests

@LewisS087I have only read your posts and not others and whilst I think that it’s a good idea and I’d be on your side, if you go to court then they might say no. I wanted to relocate when I split up with EXH and where I wanted to go, my lawyer said was too far, so I’ve ended up somewhere 1.5 hours away. You never know that if you do go or threaten court, she might become spiteful about it and then you’ll have a legal battle and as unfair as this may seem, courts still have a tendency to side with the mother. You’d need to be prepared to go through that before you actually look at moving.

Start packing. Good luck

Cornwall is a great place to grow up, but once kids hits teens it's the big exodus (my DH is from Cornwall - grandparents live down there). Traffic in summer time is horrendous and a lot people on the breadline, half empty villages in winter. No motorways after Exeter and train takes 5hrs into London. Not being miserable - just realistic.

You can move away unless there is a court order prohibiting it. She could always apply for one but it would take months to get into court anyway. I’d just keep it quiet and move. Once it’s done, it’s done. Just keep a record of how little she shows up and make sure you have a plan in place (ie she has them over half term, school holidays etc), even if you know there is no way she’d stick to it. If she saw them regularly and was reliable I’d say this is too far and bang out of order, but I have no patience for living around the whims of part time parents.

Is she actually going to stop you from moving then? To do that she’d have to take you to court for a prohibited steps order I believe.

Do the kds have contact in between visits? Would she even know if you moved if you brought them back for the weekend once a quarter?

I would go apart from anything else the lifestyle would be great for all the children. While I agree the children should have a relationship with their mum it might help if their mum put in some work. If she wants to see them then she should be prepared to travel the 6-7 hours. Hours! Not days!

They won’t always be 5 & 8. Be prepared for her to see less and less of them as they hit their teen years and their social lives take up weekends and holidays. A shared dinner or a cinema trip on a weekend would be possible if she was local but not with such distance. This will massively impact on their relationship with her as they grow up. I speak from experience - my dcs’ other parent moved away when they were small and contact is now minimal.

This. You can’t realistically do regular visits to Manchester from Cornwall without it really impacting the children. 10hours plus in the car every other weekend is not fun.

Zero judgement from me and I can totally see why it would be incredible frustrating, but I can’t see it being allowed.

It is a very long way to drive, but we find that the best way to get to the West Midlands, in our case, is to set off either very early in the morning, or very late at night. Kids are in pyjamas, covered by a quilt or similar. One person drives while the other sleeps. Then swap over. If you look in service stations there are loads of kids in pyjamas. It's quite fun really. You go to sleep and wake up in a new place. Roads are very quiet in the middle of the night.

If you were a woman, OP, you’d be told something along the lines of “just make the plans to move, and she’ll have to go to the trouble of seeking a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent you” (temporarily).

If she’s not bothering to see the kids regularly then you could well find that she won’t bother. If it gets to the point she does, you should be prepared to show evidence for her lack of consistent contact, and be prepared to offer the drive up and back so she can see them. The court will take the DCs’ wishes into account.

Are her weekends established via the divorce paperwork or a separate court order or are they something you agreed verbally with her?

It may well be long and difficult, but only for a short time in relation to the rest of the children’s lives which will be massively improved by the move from what you say. Play the long game and stick to your guns.