DS was hit in the face by a child at school

[Lifestooshort1542]

AIBU to be feeling quite upset about this? 😢
There was an incident at school where DS (7) and some other children followed a year 6 child to an area of the school field where the year 6 child had gone ‘to cool down’ due to feeling overwhelmed and over stimulated.
DS and others have gone over to see if he’s ok, and this boy has lashed out at DS who was in the firing line and hit him twice across the face.
School rang me and informed me of the incident and said he was ok but quite upset so sat with a teacher. The head was aware and the boy in question is being ‘dealt with’.

Im quite upset by this, Do I just accept this happened and let it go?
WWYD?

Sounds like you need to teach your DS to respect other peoples space and not follow someone who is "cooling down" - I get that he meant well, but he's just exacerbated the situation

I don't think the blame lies with the boy, who had the wit to go off alone to cool down and try and settle his emotions.
The school should have been monitoring this situation and it's their neglect that your child got hit.

The school are dealing with the incident, what more could you do?

I think you need to get to the bottom of whether they genuinely went to see if this child was ok, or to gawp/wind him up further.

Does he know the child well considering he's 4 school years above him?

Wait and see what school say, @TotallyAddictedToCoffee blaming of your son only works if the 7 yo has knowledge that that's what the year 6 was doing, and they shouldn't, should they, given the usual MN response of 'it's none of your business other child's needs'?

The older boy shouldn’t have hit. The younger ones should have left him alone.

What Ds should have done is left the kid alone and alerted an adult.

He meant well and is obviously only age 10/11 but needing to cool down is code for someone being close to exploding and needing a time out. Being crowded by all the kids would have set off the child. I’m not saying that your Ds was unkind and it was his fault he was hurt but if someone asks to be left alone then they should.

The problem here is this older boy probably said more than once to leave him alone and the others probably didn't.

My son has described many times when a kid has asked him to play/if he's ok and he's said no leave him alone. Two seconds later, child asks again and again and again.

How would you react if someone was repeatedly asking you to have a drink with them and you were repeatedly saying no thank you? By the 10th time you are not quite as nice and polite are you?

I'm not saying your son is at fault but you could take this opportunity to reflect with him and let him respect other people's feelings.

I agree with your first paragraph but don't think the school can be watching all the kids all the time, so don't see it as neglectful

The school has dealt with it. You have been informed and the school is aware of what happened. Not sure what you want to now happen.

As others have said, if anything you speak to your son about being where he should be. It sounds like they were following him off onto a field when they should have been on the playground or with the rest of their year group. If anything, explain that if worried about someone to go and tell the teacher.

Teach your child to hit back.

It has happened. You can’t change that.

yes the older boy shouldn’t have hit out but if he was trying to manage him emotions and regulate then he was obviously struggling.

it’s a chance to talk to your child about the importance of respecting personal space

There isn't anything else the school should do. The group shouldn't have followed the boy onto the field. Your son needs to tell an adult if he is worried about someone in this situation.

If I was upset & went to find a quiet spot & a group of junior coworkers started pestering me 'to see if I was okay' aka be nosey, I would become more upset too.

Violence is never okay, but the poor kid was trying to regulate and your child wouldn't let him.

Let school deal - it's a lesson for all involved.

Hopefully you are not a parent or a teacher.

I certainly am. Thanks.

Kids who go around punching other kids in the face do so because they're used to getting away with it. Pretty sure if one of his victims hit him back he wouldn't be so quick the next time.

He’s 7.

What a way to victim blame.

The world doesn’t have to dance to the tune of kids who need to “cool down”. This who are 3-4 years younger certainly don’t

Your poor boy OP. I imagine he was much bigger as well! No I wouldn’t let this slide. Violence is never ok. Some people want victims of ND people who’ve inflicted violence to be ignored but personally this wouldn’t be my stance.

Yes, because a 7 year old would totally be able to wallop an 11 year old with absolutely no problem 🙄

I can understand you being upset, but it's being dealt with. There's nothing you can do as a parent to change the process, so you'll have to let this go.

Even if hitting back was remotely acceptable, which it obviously isn't, telling a year 3 to hit a year 6 is just daft.

My first thoughts are that I would probably be asking more questions about why they followed him when he wanted to cool off and be by himself. Why not just let him be? Was they winding him up further?

I’m shocked by some of the responses on here.

Of course a 10/11 year old child should know not to repeatedly hit a 7 year old child. It’s completely unjustifiable - the age of criminal responsibility is 10 years old.

I would be asking for a meeting with the school to discuss the incident and the actions that they are taking. I would expect the 10 year old at the very least to be suspended from school, and if they aren’t then I would consider making a report to the police.

So to recap:

A much older boy was followed and harassed by a group of younger children. Who may well have had good intentions (but I'm struggling to udnerstand why a bunch of 7 year olds would ever have thought that they were the right people to check on a year 6. More likely they thought they were playing/being funny, he didn't like it and tried to remove himself but because they are young, they didn't understand and kept going on and on. But let's give them the benefit of the doubt.)

Then, when the older boy felt overwhelmed he "lashed out". It sounds from your description like a general flailing around with your Ds, unfortunately, bearing the brunt of it becuas eof where he was standing.

Your DS is fine with no significant physical harm.

The school are supporting your DS who is , understandably, upset.

The older child is being "dealt with".

I think it's fine to be a bit upset but I don't think there' sany need to take this further. I'd chat to your DS about why him and his friends wouldn't leave this other boy alone. I MIGHT be asking why the school isn't making more effort to separate children of such different age groups. But that's it.

It's an early lesson for him that trying to help someone is not a good idea, you only open yourself up to attack.

Tell him that in future if someone needs to be alone or is experiencing problems he needs to leave them to it.

I would be asking for a meeting with the school to discuss the incident and the actions that they are taking. I would expect the 10 year old at the very least to be suspended from school, and if they aren’t then I would consider making a report to the police.

The school will not tell what punishment, if any, the other child is receiving. Bluntly, it's not your business. They have a duty of care to them as well, and that includes not sharing personal information about them to other parents.