DS was hit in the face by a child at school

[Lifestooshort1542]

AIBU to be feeling quite upset about this? 😢
There was an incident at school where DS (7) and some other children followed a year 6 child to an area of the school field where the year 6 child had gone ‘to cool down’ due to feeling overwhelmed and over stimulated.
DS and others have gone over to see if he’s ok, and this boy has lashed out at DS who was in the firing line and hit him twice across the face.
School rang me and informed me of the incident and said he was ok but quite upset so sat with a teacher. The head was aware and the boy in question is being ‘dealt with’.

Im quite upset by this, Do I just accept this happened and let it go?
WWYD?

This.

What a way to victim blame.

^

What a way to teach boundaries!

Your ds should have left the other kid alone, the older kid shouldn't be lamping anyone.

Lesson learnt, move on

ND children are not playthings for kids.

I find it hard to believe a group of boys decided to go see if he was ok. More believe-able they went to torment him, in which case FAFO.

Even if they did go to see if he was ok, the bit between “are you ok” and the kid being hit is what’s important. It would be unusual if it went nuclear immediately. ND kids aren’t going around slapping NT kids at the drop of a hat, there is usually some trigger.

No child should be at risk of being hit, but equally no child should be at risk of being pushed to the point where they hit. Teaching NT kids how to interact with ND kids is something parents should be looking at.

They were a gang of 7 year olds.
I really doubt a Year 6 kid needed looking after by a group of Year 2s, they’ll likely have been either rubber necking or actively provoking him.
Minding their own business could hardly be described as “dancing to his tune”.

I'd be sympathetic that he got hit, but ask him if he now understood why the other child goes to a particular area to cool down away from others.

I wouldn't voice my suspicions that what actually happened was that they had been winding him up or outright upsetting him and thought as a pack that it would be funny to keep on bugging him to see what happened next.

The 10/11 year old was doing what they needed to do to calm down.

ND kids deserve an education too. In this situation it would be better if the child was given a quieter place to go to be calm. The younger kids need to learn when to back off. This is the role of both the school and the parents to teach them.

The year 6 boy acted correctly by recognising that he was getting angry so got physical distance from the situation.
Hitting isn’t the correct response but he asked for space and should have been granted it.
I think that OP’s son probably meant well and should be complimented for that but encourage him to listen to what other kids say and get adult help if needed or worried.
Sometimes people want to be left alone for a bit and that’s ok.

I'm sorry he got hit, however the school has dealt with it so I'm not sure what else you'd be trying to achieve?

As staff, I'd be wondering why a bunch of yr 2-3's followed a yr 6 who was trying to cool down and be alone. Are they friends with him? Because when children are genuinely concerned, they usually give space and tell an adult that there's a child crying or whatever in a corner. Children who go as a group up to that child, tbh I'd be wondering why they're doing that. A group of children is not comforting unless it's your actual mates, which the younger children are unlikely to be.

I'm not excusing the hitting, however, it sounds as if that has been dealt with by the school and presumably they know the situation better than people on the internet. Maybe this child goes around lamping every child he sees, or maybe he has difficulties communicating effectively when he's upset and that's why he was looking for space. I feel as if it's more likely to be the latter.

A gang 😂😂 hardly gonna be like a scene out of casino is it.

So OP’s year 2 son deserved a smack in the face e for not minding his own business? Do you extend that belief to everyone?

Im sorry your son was hurt. I think everyone here behaved poorly and you should talk to your son about how to deal with a similar situation in future. Absolutely not his fault he was in the way of a meltdown but all you can control here is how your son behaves - and he absolutely is old enough to learn to leave someone alone who has been very clear in wanting to be left alone. I am 100% sure the older child shouldn’t have lashed out, but I’m also fairly certain it was rather annoying to be followed by a group of small children when you were having a bad day.

my kids are the same ish age difference and my older daughter is autistic. When she’s having a bad time, my son following her and asking her if she’s okay is 100% going to make it all worse. We had to work on this a lot with him to avoid escalations where possible.

This. Why on earth was a group of kids following a distressed pupil around? Were they tormenting him? Laughing at him? Trying to wind him up further? Worth considering what we DON'T know in this scenario.

I can imagine 7 year olds being taught about the concept of kindness and how that could mean if someone is alone on the playground and looks sad going and seeing if they are ok. This is why I think if it was known that this boy had this strategy and needed leaving alone that adults should have been keeping an eye on the situation. You can't expect 7 year olds to have that nuance.

This could easily happen at work if a child was dysregulated. Not saying this is what your DS did but there’s a boy who often goes up to another child when he is CLEARLY in “about to explode” mode and asks “what’s wrong with youuuu??” in a sort of “I’m pretending not to read this situation” way. It’s a miracle he’s never been hit but adults often have to step in.

I agree with this.

If the child told them to leave him alone then your child is at fault here.

i have a Sen son who hits out when overstimulated. He cannot attend school as it was too much. As he’s grown he can cope more and more in some situations and I want to bang my head on a wall when my child recognises he needs a break walls away to calm down and clearly says “leave me alone”. This has taken YEARS of hard work for him and me. Now he has these skills more often than not I’m still having to give him consequences for hitting out because some child who can’t accept “leave me alone” won’t fuck off and let him calm down. I can’t just excuse my child’s behaviour and I won’t even though it’s clear as day to me it would not have happened if the other child had accepted his boundaries. I’ve even had one parent tell my son off for being rude to her child when he said leave me alone.

it’s staggering how many children do not understand boundaries and how many parents get upset when their little darling gets a thump when they scare a Sen child by not leaving them alone. My own son has complex and high care needs, he may never live independently. But if another child says leave me alone he will back off immediately as he understands how invasive it is to not have control of your own personal space

I dealt with a situation a couple of years ago where a younger child complained that a much older child had pushed them.
It became clear very quickly that the older child had asked for space several times, having already removed himself from the main area.
I spoke to the older child, who was actually quite upset because he knew he shouldn't have, but just hit a point of not being able to cope. I gave him a space where he could go if needed, and told him that if he needed to go, he needed to let me know so I knew where he was but said I would never stop that. He went to apologise without being asked.
I spoke to the younger child about respecting others when they asked for space and explained how he felt trapped by them. I wasn't totally sure that they'd got it but later I saw them talking together, with the younger child asking questions about autism, and the older child was explaining to them.

The younger child was the first to protect the older later in the week when he said he needed space and the rest of the group wanted to see where he was going. Was very sweet.

You've not a clue what that child needs. We have more and more children in school who struggle to regulate. Following them when they are recognising their emotions and trying to calm down is a good thing. Having a group of younger children invading their space is not going to help, neither is hitting them back.

"Even if they did go to see if he was ok, the bit between “are you ok” and the kid being hit is what’s important. It would be unusual if it went nuclear immediately. ND kids aren’t going around slapping NT kids at the drop of a hat, there is usually some trigger."

Yes if the older child had managed to take himself away it is unlikely he would have hit someone because of being asked once if he was ok.

Spot on.

Just today, I had to firmly tell off a group of 5, 6 and 7 year olds who had followed a child who something had happened to (injured) and repeatedly tell them to move away. They weren't there in solidarity or concern; they were gawking and pointing, literally.

We have that with numerous ND children who are trying to get themselves under control, too, when something goes wrong. Too many other children think its 'fun' to follow them, even when told to go away, wind them up even more deliberately ... and every single one will initially tell you they were 'concerned' if called out on it by a grown up trying to sort things. So frustrating.

So, no, I don't necessarily believe OP's son's story about what he was actually doing. I'd be probing a bit deeper about what he was actually doing when the other older child had repeatedly and clearly told him to go away. And he didn't.

This could be a situation where the group of younger children misread the situation and were kindly checking on the upset boy, or it could be that they were harassing a child who was trying to get away to calm down.
Only the school can tell the OP which one it was.

Also even quite young children can spot vulnerability in others and enjoy winding them up until they explode, especially if they're being egged on by being in a group.

Year 6 is the age of criminal responsibility. 10 year olds absolutely should be able to control their own physical aggression. I’d want an in person meeting at the school about this.

You clearly have comprehension difficulties, so I won’t bother arguing with you 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’d want to know if there was any staff nearby monitoring what was going on while this older child (with possible additional needs?) was feeling agitated and being followed by other children who were making it worse- whether they meant to or not.

I’m in no way blaming your child for him being hit but I do think you need to have a conversation with him about how he should handle a situation like this in the future so he doesn’t end up in the same situation again.

Wondering if our kids go to the same school, a year 6 kicked off with a bunch of them today and the kid kicked my son