DS was hit in the face by a child at school

[Lifestooshort1542]

AIBU to be feeling quite upset about this? 😢
There was an incident at school where DS (7) and some other children followed a year 6 child to an area of the school field where the year 6 child had gone ‘to cool down’ due to feeling overwhelmed and over stimulated.
DS and others have gone over to see if he’s ok, and this boy has lashed out at DS who was in the firing line and hit him twice across the face.
School rang me and informed me of the incident and said he was ok but quite upset so sat with a teacher. The head was aware and the boy in question is being ‘dealt with’.

Im quite upset by this, Do I just accept this happened and let it go?
WWYD?

Yes the bits intention was to be kind but to a person who is overstimulated and overwhelmed, a swarm of people surrounding them insisting they communicate can feel like an attack.

the older child was doing the right thing. He was removing himself from the situation. The younger kids kept bringing the triggering situation to him.

im not saying hitting was ok. I’m saying the situation was of two young children trying their best to navigate things.

Tell us you don’t know anything about ND without telling us 😳
you seem completely unaware that ADULTS with some forms of ND struggle with emotional regulation. Jeez adults without ND often struggle.

the child WAS doing what he should be doing. He was removing himself from the situation. That IS working on his emotional regulation. Sadly in this case the chaos followed him with all good intentions.

adults with ASD, ADHD, bipolar, BPD are taught to do exactly what the child did. Move away. Because he knew he was being overwhelmed and might have a meltdown. He was trying to do what he was taught to do

NT infact all of us should be taught to leave people alone when they seek solace. It’s not just for NT to learn how to behave and resound. Everyone should

Would you recommend that a woman hit her husband back in the scenario you've described in your post?

Was that in response to me? I was quoting a poster who stated ND DC should know how to behave but her own NT KS2 child can do what he likes as he cant possibly understand giving another child space.

I mean, I'm not surprised her child struggles to understand given her quoted response above. A child who has only been taught to resolve a conflict with violence isn't going to be the most emotionally intelligent child. A bit rich really when she mentions DV in so many of her posts, and teaches her own child to resolve conflicts with violence.

I would recommend a woman defending herself where it would work in her favour, yes.

Are you talking about me? What makes you think I “teach my child violence”? You either haven’t read it properly or you’re exaggerating for effect. I teach my children that violence against them (and others) is never ok. I’ve merely said that “hitting back” in reality is far more effective than wishy washy approaches that centre the feelings of the aggressor. Thankfully I’ve never had to be in that position to give that advice

You need to ask yourself what you’re hoping for here? What would be an outcome that would satisfy you?
Im sure now that there has been an incident that the school will be keeping a closer eye on this boy from now on.
I would also explain to your son that some times people need to be alone and it’s not always the right thing to do to follow them.

A lot of people in this thread trying to justify a young child being hit in the face three times by an older and likely much bigger boy, because he made the mistake of trying to be kind is madness and I suspect most of you would not be as fine with it as you’re making out if it happened to your child.

My DD (and many others in her year group) had a miserable time in primary due to a ND boy being allowed to physically assault them. It was never his fault though and (unsurprisingly) over the years his behaviour got worse and the attacks more nasty. Pulling out girls hair, pinching, squeezing of wrists and not letting go (resulting in bad bruising), punching, slapping, kicking, whipping with branches etc. One boy even got strangled and two teachers struggled to get him off. It was always the other children’s fault though, for talking near him, accidentally brushing against him when walking by, using the pencil he wanted etc.

Sorry this happened to your child OP. Hope he’s okay and it doesn’t stop him being kind and caring in the future to other children.

I get it OP, I have a child of a similar age and the sad looking child alone on the playground is a very common example that adults give when talking about being kind. It's a relatable example for this age and in most cases it's the kind thing to do so I can see how he could have done this with good intentions.

I'm all for teaching children about differences and inclusion but some things need a mature adult to take the lead. It sounds like this older boy needs a competent adult to keep an eye, make sure he gets space when needed and onlookers redirected away. I don't think you can expect children to be able to work out if a person needs comfort or space and they shouldn't have been left in this position to get hurt.

My child has high function austism and finds free play overwhelming sometimesb. We are working with him and school to get him to recognise this feeling and to walk away to calm down.

If this child had been in his face demanding if he was ok, my child could very likely react in the same way.

In no way, shape or form is violence tolerated or accepted in my home or family.

Children need to learn to respect others space and listen to when they are told to back off.

I appreciate they are only children, punchee should have got adults help rather than provoking the puncher

So your child can do what they want because they have autism and all the NT children just need to suck it up and accept being hit in the face?

Asking the boy if he was okay is not provoking that type of attack.

That poster hasn't said that at all. But to flip that, the disabled child must suck up being trailed by a NT child whilst trying to calm themselves down because the NT child cannot be told to give a child space? Why do we expect so much from children with neurological disabilities but NT kids are 'just kids' that can't possibly understand?

"But to flip that, the disabled child must suck up being trailed by a NT child whilst trying to calm themselves down because the NT child cannot be told to give a child space? "

The children at my son's special school were taught to give other people space when they wanted it. It's amazing that it is too difficult to attempt this for an NT child.

Newsflash, kids are annoying. Doesn't give the green light for them to be hit.

@ThejoyofNC an annoying child can be very distressing to a ND child, especially one close to meltdown. To them it can be as distressing as being hit, emotional rather than physical trauma.

Same as emotional abuse in a relationship

Kids of lazy parents that havent taught their DC basic skills by 7 are a PITA, I agree.

This.
Ask yourself why your child stuck around to be hit a second time.

Basic manners like asking a distressed child if they're okay?

All of a sudden that's now the equivalent to being punched in the face apparently. Some of these responses are ridiculous.

Giving a child space.

I don't think you can equate a little boy with ND, to an abusive adult relationship.
At our school the children are taught all about ND and equity. They understand well.

Really?

How about it was likely the first time another person has ever violently attacked him before and he was in shock?

Maybe he was scared and froze? Maybe the three hits came quickly enough he couldn’t react.

WTF is this place.

OP (and the school) confirmed her son and two other boys went to HELP this child. Nobody was taunting him, being mean or getting in his face. She also confirmed it’s a small school and different age groups regularly mix and play together. My DD went to a big school and children often spent time with younger and older children at breaks.

Why are we trying so hard to blame the victim?

Why are we trying so hard to blame the victim?

Doesn't surprise me. I posted on a thread about sibling violence here, about my sister who used to batter the life out of the rest of us. We were terrified of her, literally used as a punching bag, but my parents reacted as though she was the victim and ignored the rest of us.

Posters flooded in to tell me that of course she had to be prioritised - she was ND (she wasn't) and children that hit are experiencing big feelings that must be worked through calmly and gently with the parent (whereas children who are bleeding because their sibling has just whacked them in the nose feel absolutely grand about it and require no comfort whatsoever, apparently).

A couple of people posted being like "er, what???" but mostly it was a deluge of people saying that what I went through was perfectly fine. MN is really, really fucked up on this issue.

My child was hit in exactly the same way. It was in no way my DS or your DS fault that they were hit - despite what some posters would have us believe. Being ND does not excuse physical violence.

Had the "hitter" said please leave me alone I need some space, then I strongly believe my DS (and probably yours) would have respected that and walked away.

Hitting someone once let alone multiple times is NEVER acceptable. There may be a reason, but never an excuse.

I have not and will not teach my son that they shouldn't ask a friend if they are OK. We have said perhaps stand a few paces back when doing so.

My son was quite traumatised by the event, and had a day off school the following day as not slept and was really upset that he had done wrong. All parties confirmed he had not - including the class teachers, head teacher, the boy who hit him and his mum. I spoke to the head teacher, and agreed a way forwards for his return the next day. The young man who hit my son apologised as soon as he saw my DS the next day, and they made up quickly as kids can do. The mum was also very apologetic (not looked for by me) and we all moved forwards.

My son is an older teenager. Over the years he has become very good at self regulating and will remove himself from a situation where he is not coping. If someone persists in invading his space he will turn away, motion them away and if that doesn't work push them away gently. He will start to bite himself or hurt himself in other ways. But if they ignore this and he continues to become more distressed he will ultimately slap them because he can no longer cope.

That is how distressing invading someone else's space can be.