DS was hit in the face by a child at school

[Lifestooshort1542]

AIBU to be feeling quite upset about this? 😢
There was an incident at school where DS (7) and some other children followed a year 6 child to an area of the school field where the year 6 child had gone ‘to cool down’ due to feeling overwhelmed and over stimulated.
DS and others have gone over to see if he’s ok, and this boy has lashed out at DS who was in the firing line and hit him twice across the face.
School rang me and informed me of the incident and said he was ok but quite upset so sat with a teacher. The head was aware and the boy in question is being ‘dealt with’.

Im quite upset by this, Do I just accept this happened and let it go?
WWYD?

an 11 year old assaulting a 7 year old is awful but there’s always an excuse given for these violent children.

Pretty sure an 11 year old could do quite a lot of damage to a much smaller 7 year old.
Teaching children to fight says a great deal about how good at parenting a person is (hint - not good at all)

Incorrect response

Righty-o.

Good grief, would you say the same to a woman who had been hit by a man?

To see if he's OK? Yeah, right

Only on paper, in real life it would work.

I mean he's 7 and the other boy is 11 so probably not the best advice. It would end a lot worse for him.

I say that as someone who would ordinarily agree btw

In real primary school life the younger child would get hurt, possibly badly.

In real secondary school life, the younger child would facing significant discipline.

In real adult life, fighting back will get you charged.

I have had to explain to many children and many parents that hitting back is not self defence. Teach your child better.

Hitting back absolutely is self defence, and self defence is not illegal.

Yep, it’s interesting isn’t it. People more horrified an 11yo didn’t get their cool down time than they are a 7yo was punched by a much older boy

Hitting back is not the same as self defence.

Hitting back is retaliation. That will result in charges such as fray, assault, ABH depending on the circumstances.

You need to learn and teach de-escalation. That will keep you safer than the hope that you can hit (the older boy!) harder.

@APATEKPHILLIPEWATCHit’ll be due to the violent bully being ‘overstimulated’ - meaning a much smaller, younger child deserves to be assaulted. Always an excuse and never adequate action. I’m sure if it was their own 7 year old being violently attacked they’d be ‘fuming.‘

If overstimulation results in violence (especially towards small children) the perpetrator needs to be segregated for the protection of others.

I think as usual there are a lot of unpleasant posts from both sides. I wouldn’t be surprised if both the children involved in this incident are prepared to be more open minded and respectful to one another than the adults.

I think the hitter should apologise and hopefully already does feel bad. But I do think recognising when people want space is an important life skill. It’s never good to wind someone up by following them around, no matter how well intentioned. Ideally what should come out of this is a safe space for the boy in question to go to so he can cool off.

Will the initial perpetrator of violence get the same charges?

Retaliation isn’t a criminal offence.

Can you tell me about one case where a person is punched in the face, punches back, and is convicted of one of the charges you list above?

Often. It depends on the circumstances. This is how most fights begin. So many lads get into trouble because they don’t have the skills to deescalate. They have been taught that fighting back will protect them. In a closed community that might work but in wider society it just leads to more trouble.

I'm out of teaching now but I was in the profession for over a decade. The older boy clearly should not have hit a 7 year old but part of me thinks there is much more to this than simply asking if he was okay.

I had a boy like the one described in my class. If you genuinly asked if he was okay and he wasn't in any fit state to reply he'd go off on one ranting (but didn't get physical). It would take a lot to get him to actually hit someone.

I wonder how innocent the gang of Year 2's were? Children at that age are not stupid and if they have witnessed the older boy have a meltdown before they most likely knew they could get a reaction. It probably wasn't the reaction they envisioned though.

I am so sorry your son was hit, that must have been very unpleasant for him and I can understand that you are upset. However, the older child had attempted to provide himself with space and a group of children - however well intentioned they may have been - did not listen to his needs: time alone, and did not listen to or respect his verbally stated boundary. Whilst I would not be happy that my child was hit, I would be discussing with my child the importance of listening to what others are asking in terms of space and respecting their wishes. It’s an important skill to develop.

I agree. I've seen it a lot. Especially with older SEN kids that are developmentally behind. I've seen some really nasty little kids targeting them - it's an easy target because if the older kid does retaliate they are usually the ones to get in trouble. And it gives the younger kids a taste of power. I'm not saying that this is definitely what's going on here but I'd be expiring all possibilities - something doesn't sound quite right with the young group's stories of 'checking he was okay and then got randomly punched...'.

Let’s say he had wound him up - did he deserve to be punched?

I wonder if you and others on this thread believe this mindset extends to men and women.

If a man punched his wife in the face would you say “Oh but you should have left him alone to cool down”?

I’ll ask you too - would this mindset extend to men and women in a relationship? If a man was angry and needed to cool down, and the woman followed him rather than calling the police, would it be ok for him to punch her?

I hate to say it but hitting back is often a quicker and more permanent remedy than years and years of waffle about feelings, mediation, teacher hopelessly trying to help and light touch interventions.

Another person I’ll ask - would you extend this belief to men and women? If a woman was trying to help a man, and he didn’t want help, would it be a ‘lesson’ for her if she were to be attacked?