DS was hit in the face by a child at school

[Lifestooshort1542]

AIBU to be feeling quite upset about this? 😢
There was an incident at school where DS (7) and some other children followed a year 6 child to an area of the school field where the year 6 child had gone ‘to cool down’ due to feeling overwhelmed and over stimulated.
DS and others have gone over to see if he’s ok, and this boy has lashed out at DS who was in the firing line and hit him twice across the face.
School rang me and informed me of the incident and said he was ok but quite upset so sat with a teacher. The head was aware and the boy in question is being ‘dealt with’.

Im quite upset by this, Do I just accept this happened and let it go?
WWYD?

Why did it need a group of children to follow another one to ask if they are okay? Best thing is to tell an adult.

Depending on the size of school by this time of year many children will know the children who may react in certain ways

The concerns of the 7yos may have been genuine but they need to be told what to do in the future

I suspect you'd have very different responses if not for the implied neurodivergence.

Our children are not punching bags for neurodivergent children having meltdowns, OP has every right to be upset. If the child has any SEN, the school should have been more vigilant and not allowed any other child to approach and I'd want to know how the school will safeguard other children in future. If he doesn't then 10/11 is far too old to think repeatedly punching a much younger child is acceptable and I'd want the child suspended at minimum.

well I'd be wanting to know from the school why an older child was cooling off in public. The views given on this thread worry me, it is not OK to punch a younger child in the head. I think you are quite right to be upset OP. If it was me I would be asking for a meeting with someone at the school to explain what happened and how your DC can be kept safe in the future.

There is strict guidance around suspensions. OP cannot ask what has happened to older child, and indeed he may have been suspended.

OP can ask what they can do to safeguard her child. It might be that the area the child took himself off to was an area designated for that and so they need to let other children know that area is to be avoided. If they are concerned about someone they get an adult.

If as an adult you go off somewhere to be alone you wouldn’t want a group of other people crowding round you asking if you are okay, no matter how well meaning they are trying to be

Did you read the OP?

@EndorsingPRActice why wouldn’t an older child cool off in public? Many schools have areas designated for children to go to if they need quiet time. If it is playtime this may need to be outside as possibly no adult supervision inside

It's absolutely mind boggling how many people have spouted the "as an adult you wouldn't want anyone crowding round if you were trying to cool off". Yes, and as an adult if you repeatedly punched another adult in the face for asking if you were OK you'd quickly (and rightfully) be in handcuffs.

Stop minimising the assault of a 7 year old by an older child.

It sounds like the adults needed to intervene and stop the younger ones from following the older one. It's not ok that your DS was hit, this should have been managed by the adults.

A number of posters claiming the kid got 'repeatedly punched in the face'.

Interestingly, not a phrase OP used, and therefore unlikely that's what happened.

But loving the suggestion of a police report.

"If it was me I would be asking for a meeting with someone at the school to explain what happened and how your DC can be kept safe in the future."

Not trailing after someone who wants to be on their own.

Difficult one really, obviously your son shouldn’t have been hit in the face, but why was your son and a group of his friends following a much older child, when the much older child must have clearly been storming off in anger?

Im not sure I believe that your 7 year old son and a group of his friends were all concerned about the welfare of a kid 4 years older than them (unless he was the brother/relation of one of the other children?). Seems a bit off. If it was just your son I would say he was obviously a lovely caring little boy but a group of 7 year old boys? Not sure. Are you sure they weren’t winding him up even further and your son took the brunt of his frustration?

As long as they’ve let you know then what more can they do? They may need to look at a TA going over to the child who was clearly in a state of dysregulation but you can’t always predict these things. Now they know and can hopefully manage the child’s behaviour better. The parents of the child who can’t manage their emotions will probably be more upset than you at the end of the day.

If a 7 year old child went up to you when you wanted to be on your own to ask if you were okay, would you repeatedly hit them?

If the 10/11 year old can’t control themselves from hurting smaller children then they shouldn’t be at school.

And to others saying that OP can’t know if the 10/11 year old is suspended - OP can ask their child if they are at school tomorrow.

"DS who was in the firing line and hit him twice across the face".

Ok she didn't use the word punched, but there's a huge difference between a 10/11 year old child and a 7 year old. Her 7 year old was hit twice in the face by a much older child, I would be furious if it was my child and want to know how the school will safeguard the children in future. It's unacceptable regardless of the circumstances described.

Happened to my child as well. Apparantly mine had been following the other kid who repeatedly told him to "leave me alone". I couldn't blame anyone for this. My child being ASD had decided he wanted to play with this boy, the poor boy in question had enough and lashed out and school staff can't be everywhere at all times. What happened: I told DS (for the millionth time) that he had to respect the word no. The boy got told to tell the staff if my boy was a pain (new in school, the others knew to tell staff if a Sen child was bothering them) and school said we'll look out better for the SEN children. I was very happy with the outcome.

@Lifestooshort1542 Try to see this as a learning lesson for your child : when someone needs to calm down you leave them alone (not condoning hitting though). I have witnessed how kids tend to go up and tease and poke at children who are having "time out" so I would be wary about my DS behaviour in the situation.

You have several different scenarios here. Did your son know the Year 6 child had gone off to 'cool down'? In most schools regardless of the year group, most children are aware of the children who can be volatile. If your son was aware the older child, had gone off to cool down or it was likely, then he should have respected that fact and kept away. If your son wasn't aware why the older boy had gone onto the field, and was concerned, then he should have gone to a member of staff for help. The Year 6 child acted correctly by taking himself off to be alone to calm down. Very obviously he shouldn't have lashed out. Children can and do, keep going up to children who want 'alone time' for whatever reason and ask if they're OK. They are then repeatedly told by the other child that they are having alone time and to please go away. Still those children keep coming up, until the other child either verbally is nasty or lashes out. The school have dealt with the issue, they clearly know the other child's behaviour. Staff members can't be everywhere all the time, that's impossible and unrealistic. Talk to your son about respecting others space and also if he is concerned about a child, then to speak to an adult.

I think a lot of people don’t realise the reality of our Primary schools.

This.

A child age 10/11 who, for whatever reason, finds self regulation tricky will be taught strategies to help them avoid lashing out at others. One of those strategies will have been to walk away or take themselves off away from everyone else. So the older boy was quite probably doing exactly as he'd had been taught to do. Lunchtime supervision cannot possibly notice everything straight away.
Younger children, for whatever reason, decided to follow him and wouldn't leave him alone. So now the older boy can't do what he's been taught and it all goes wrong. It's not an excuse for hitting but is a very good explanation of why it happened. Older boy is now in trouble and your ds got hurt, frustrating for both. Focus on your ds and learning about when to leave people alone and give them space. School will deal with the older boy in the way that's suitable for him.

Very similar incidence with my 9 year old son today, although not that he’d approached a child, just that a child had lashed out in frustration during a lunchtime activity. Phoned by Head who explained my son’s injuries and how he’d been treated before returning to class. Then explained incident and that other child was suspended, and that they were putting in additional safeguarding measures for when child returns to school. I feel sad that my son is hurt (cuts and grazes to face), but very reassured by the response from school. Head offered me an appointment if I’d like to go in and discuss further but in reality it’s been dealt with, my son was fine when I picked him up and we just move on.

Yes!!!!!! 💯

That was my first thought. Seems a bit odd that a little boy would punch another little boy for asking if he’s OK.

So if your 7 year old hit an 11 year back, would you expect that to be the end? No chance that the 11 year old would hit back again?

I am in no way condoning what the 11 year did but I think the last thing the OP should be doing is encouraging him to hit back.

1. The child who hit yours is being dealt with.
2. You were informed.
3. Your child needs to also reflect about leaving others alone.

There isn't anything else that needs to be done