Which house/life? Choosing today

[Longsummerdays25]

NC for this thread. For three years dh and I have been going over the same decision, and I would appreciate your input - what would you do in our positron?

We have a buyer for our house, and it’s progressing really rapidly. Dh is 58 and doing a high intensity job and getting very tired. I am working pt, I have just finished some new qualifications that will mean I can work more lucratively, and remotely if I wish (53) dc are late teens/early 20s. We must decide today a fairly life changing decision. We are downsizing.

Option A) Use all of our available funds to buy a bigger house than we need for the two of us in our immediate area, so that dc have plenty of space when they come back from uni, on the off chance they might remain with us for longer it has plenty of space, very close to my friends. Dh will have to work for at least another 3 years plus. We won’t have any spare funds to do anything beyond cover our bills/basic holidays for a good long while.

Option B) Move half an hour away to a pretty village, still within easy reach of our friends but they will not be on the doorstep. Beautiful area and it has a hobby I love to do that is easily accessible. Buy a smaller house but with enough bedrooms for each dc and a teen den for dc. Friends will have to travel 1/2 hour to see us at home but we usually meet in town, and that’s 20 mins away,. It would mean we could free up funds to have adventures or even buy a small place overseas which is a joint dream of ours. Dh can retire or go pt as soon as he needs to.

Option C) move back to family town which is commutable to London but dc’s friends are here and they won’t know anyone. The upside is they can live closer to London for work eventually. Assuming they want to.

WWYD?

We need to make an offer before we run out of time!

Thabk you

I'd lean towards Option B

Option B 100%
I don't think you will lose friends for being 30 mins away

My BFF loves 1 ht away from me - we meet up regularly , meet in London for theatre and exhibitions etc

Yes you may have smaller reception and garden but less time consuming as you get older

GO FOR IT - BBBBBBBBBB...
In case I've waffles too much - OPTION B

💯 this. I knew as soon as I read it you really deep down want B!

My gut is 'B'. And I would add that whilst it is sensible to add in space for your children to return if they need to, your future decisions should not be based on their needs. They will make their own way in life and it very likely won't include you!

You write Option B does have space for dc, but less reception rooms ( it has two) and a smaller garden. Proportions are smaller overall but still can comfortably fit everyone coming home

2 receptions rooms is more than most. And a smaller garden will fit better with aging and arthritis and who knows what else. A smaller space to clean is not a bad thing, again as you're getting older.

Option B a trillion times over. Hope all works out for you, OP.

Option B is the best of both worlds.

Does the village have amenities which are with walking distance - thinking 10-20 years ahead.
DC's are fairly young at the moment - will you be able to fit in their partners and your grandchildren eventually when they visit.

B

Thank you so much guys for such helpful and positive advice. It’s given me the confidence to put in an offer on B and if it doesn’t work out we can always move in a few years, but I am hopeful we will be really happy there. It has so many of the things we were personally looking for in a new house, and we definitely need a new adventure and to shake things up.

It has brought it into sharp focus what my friends mean to me, and I will always remember to look after those relationships, regardless of the new ones that might be waiting for us. Thank you 🙏🏼

You seem to be a bit fixated about room for your children (adults or nearly there). There will be, but they probably won't want to be there much either if they have separate lives away at uni/work etc. They will visit, but there's plenty of room for that. If they want to live with you to save etc. then it's best you don't make it TOO comfortable for them either, makes them save harder to get their own place!

True friends will meet half way, no issue. You can alternate visiting each other.

You would be absolutely mad not to take house B.

B

B

Option B, no question.

B! No brainer

We did option B and it’s the best thing we’ve ever done

B definitely

Because if they’re planning on moving away after uni then that would obviously have an influence on the size of property you’d need to buy. Or they might say there’s no need for a teen den because they’d prefer to stay in their bedroom, so OP wouldn’t have to rule out places that didn’t have this extra room.

Can you tell me why? I am intrigued. I worry about my dh, as he just keeps going and I want for him to have some kind of life and to feel relaxed. He has worked 75/80 hours a week for the 30 years.

But you buy the property you want. Late teens and early twenties are likely to be moving out and what they want in housing should not be part of your decision on the house you want?

You’re being deliberately obtuse, I’m not sure why? OP is understandably making lots of assumptions about her DC’s needs. All I suggested was to ascertain what their likely plans might be. Otherwise in a few years OP may regret buying a particular place.

We bought a big house when we still had 3 DCs at home. Two years later they’d all flown the nest and DH and I are rattling round it. With hindsight I wish we’d spoken to our DCs about their plans and we’d have bought somewhere smaller

What does your dh want? Has he contemplated slowing down? Maybe he is not ready yet? Would be a hard shock to system

B, just go for it.

The way you've written it too, it sounds like you favour B, it sounds amazing and good luck with it all!

We will still work, but maybe not to the intensity we have been for so long, with 5am starts and 14 hour days.

Definitely B