Which house/life? Choosing today

[Longsummerdays25]

NC for this thread. For three years dh and I have been going over the same decision, and I would appreciate your input - what would you do in our positron?

We have a buyer for our house, and it’s progressing really rapidly. Dh is 58 and doing a high intensity job and getting very tired. I am working pt, I have just finished some new qualifications that will mean I can work more lucratively, and remotely if I wish (53) dc are late teens/early 20s. We must decide today a fairly life changing decision. We are downsizing.

Option A) Use all of our available funds to buy a bigger house than we need for the two of us in our immediate area, so that dc have plenty of space when they come back from uni, on the off chance they might remain with us for longer it has plenty of space, very close to my friends. Dh will have to work for at least another 3 years plus. We won’t have any spare funds to do anything beyond cover our bills/basic holidays for a good long while.

Option B) Move half an hour away to a pretty village, still within easy reach of our friends but they will not be on the doorstep. Beautiful area and it has a hobby I love to do that is easily accessible. Buy a smaller house but with enough bedrooms for each dc and a teen den for dc. Friends will have to travel 1/2 hour to see us at home but we usually meet in town, and that’s 20 mins away,. It would mean we could free up funds to have adventures or even buy a small place overseas which is a joint dream of ours. Dh can retire or go pt as soon as he needs to.

Option C) move back to family town which is commutable to London but dc’s friends are here and they won’t know anyone. The upside is they can live closer to London for work eventually. Assuming they want to.

WWYD?

We need to make an offer before we run out of time!

Thabk you

I think half hr to see friends is nothing. I guess you are coming from the experience of them being on your doorstep but for a lot of people that’s perfectly normal. I thought you were going to say the option was to move hours away.

Not C. Why not defer the move till you are more decided. Things can change a lot in a year. Half an hour away from friends is quite a lot. You will probably see them but not as often.

Option B, don’t delay and enjoy it.

My in laws did A, the reality is now the adult children have flown the nest and moved away from the local area they rarely stay overnight. So they have a house too big for them, that needs maintaining and as they get older it's becoming more of a struggle

I will still see my friends every week regardless. Although they might not be so willing to trek out for dinner as often, but maybe they wont care. It wouldn’t worry me if it was the other way around.

I am also wondering whether I just feel this way because any move now feels quite daunting, and a risk. We made a poor decision a long time ago, and since then we have been super cautious!

How about option E - buy in the town where you meet your friends? My reasoning is that you talk of somewhere to live out your days. Villages tend to have poor public transport, so if you don't plan to move again, that would future proof your home for when you no longer drive. Also a town would be more interesting for you and DC / friends more likely to visit. You would still only be 20 mins away from your hobby.

Option B

B seems like a no brainer to me

Option B for certain - you won't lose your friends, it's only half an hour away!

B without a shadow of a doubt.
And if you do move and you hate it after 18 months, you can move again.

Option B.
Option C, might end up with DCs moving back for a year then moving out again anyway.
Option A is ok but no additional funds to do fun things
One thing to consider is if aa tou get okder you will need medical care then can you get to a drs and hospital.

Thinking this through.

iI personally don’t like this area and won’t miss it. At least the new place will have new restaurants and places to visit as a minimum.

If my friends think it’s too far, then we can meet in town still as before. I would be happy to drive out to see a friend, so why wouldn’t they feel the same? I can’t stay here on the off chance things will never change for any of us. If I loved living here it might be different

Having extra funds to help our dc or to start enjoying life would be wonderful. We will work ofc but just not so hard.

Option B a million times over, go and live life!

Option B all day long.

Option B.

we are sound the same. For massive 5 bed house which is empty most of the year as got 3 at university and our last child (15) only one at home.

we have decided to move to a smaller 3/4 bed and release approx £300k to help with our savings and purchase a property abroad to holiday in.

we are mortgage free though, so it’s more release money purposes to help dream future for holidays etc.

Our children are spread completely out over the country and can’t see them coming home as all in big cities and have made bids to them wanting to build lives where they are.

Option B is a no brainer. Don't think ive ever seen something quite so unanimous on here haha!

We currently have teens, 17,18,19, a couple of dogs so cant downsize yet but that's our plan eventually to free up some funds for a bit of travel and to bump up pension, my pension is decent but DHs is rubbish. We are thinking in 10 years when DH is retirement age (I'll still be in my 50s) and dogs no longer here, DC most likely to be gone (all work full time and have savings). Luckily we are in a busy city so lots of options to downsize but as long as we have a spare bedroom and decent lounge which means we can accommodate visitors and grandkids then we'll be happy. I hate to wish the time away but I am looking forward to those days 😂

I 100% would not want to have more of a financial commitment now for sure, I am hoping retirement will be relaxe Yeah I don'td and full of treats and travel. We have had a stressful few years since lockdown and its always one thing after another so to have more freedom would be lovely.

B. This move is fir you and dh. Fits all boxes. Dc will be off soon anyway

OK, from your first post, I too was option d - smaller house where you are. But reading your updates, option b all the way.

Option B.
a) DH is worn down by his job from the sounds of it. B allows him scope to change that.
b) You travel to see friends anyway
C) You're ready for the next thing
D) if you hate village life you can roll your eyes and observe it rather than be in the middle. You don't like where you live just now anyway.
E) option B is close to your hobby. That might give you a local social life anyway.

B. I moved 40 mins away. It’s fine.

No time to read all the replies but..

You put your house on the market.

What was your plan?

It seems late in the day to be considering so many options.

One point- I can't understand why friends would consider a 30 minute drive too far .

That in itself is ridiculous.

Option B all day long.

Why plan for the kids being home when that might not even happen? And with option B you still have room for them to come home and stay so its not like you are excluding them or anything.

This is YOUR time so do what works best for you.

Our DC have both left home now and DH and I are in the process of downsizing. Still room for the kids to have a room to stay in when they come visit but quality of life for us is now our priority. We have done our job raising our kids. They will always have a home with us if they need one and we are always here to support them but our priorities are now forefront of our minds for once in our lives. Our DC agree with us too and want this for us.

Finishing work and retiring earlier, paying off the mortgage, our pensions, our future, holidays, trips and fulfilling our dreams. Its time for that now.

You want B from the way you've written this

I hate to be all doom and gloom but one thing you really do need to consider is ill health for either of you that could impact on your income.

I know too many people coming up to 60-ish who have had serious illness, meaning time off work, early retirement and a complete change in income.

If you buy the bigger house, you sound as if you will be stretched financially.

I think that all you need is enough space for your family .
Don't assume your kids will need to stay at home if they decide to work in London. Many want to fly the nest and house-share.

You shouldn't make decisions 'in their favour' as you approach 60 because you have no idea what they might choose to do.