Which house/life? Choosing today

[Longsummerdays25]

NC for this thread. For three years dh and I have been going over the same decision, and I would appreciate your input - what would you do in our positron?

We have a buyer for our house, and it’s progressing really rapidly. Dh is 58 and doing a high intensity job and getting very tired. I am working pt, I have just finished some new qualifications that will mean I can work more lucratively, and remotely if I wish (53) dc are late teens/early 20s. We must decide today a fairly life changing decision. We are downsizing.

Option A) Use all of our available funds to buy a bigger house than we need for the two of us in our immediate area, so that dc have plenty of space when they come back from uni, on the off chance they might remain with us for longer it has plenty of space, very close to my friends. Dh will have to work for at least another 3 years plus. We won’t have any spare funds to do anything beyond cover our bills/basic holidays for a good long while.

Option B) Move half an hour away to a pretty village, still within easy reach of our friends but they will not be on the doorstep. Beautiful area and it has a hobby I love to do that is easily accessible. Buy a smaller house but with enough bedrooms for each dc and a teen den for dc. Friends will have to travel 1/2 hour to see us at home but we usually meet in town, and that’s 20 mins away,. It would mean we could free up funds to have adventures or even buy a small place overseas which is a joint dream of ours. Dh can retire or go pt as soon as he needs to.

Option C) move back to family town which is commutable to London but dc’s friends are here and they won’t know anyone. The upside is they can live closer to London for work eventually. Assuming they want to.

WWYD?

We need to make an offer before we run out of time!

Thabk you

Yes we mostly meet for coffee or lunch/ dinner in town. We do the odd party and large dinner party 3 times a year now, as we are all too knackered to do much more!

B for me! Also half an hour away from friends/20 mins from meeting point is nothing to my mind! It would take me 20 mins to see my friends who live in the same borough! If you all have more time and headspace and money, you’ll be more inclined to socialise and do hobbies.

Read back your own descriptions OP, and it will be obvious that you want B. You have listed more good points and minimised any possible disadvantages of it, your 'bias' is obvious! You want B. Choose B.

B. No contest!

B

I’ll use this old coaching trick: if I told you you already knew the answer, what would it be?

Option B, but will it affect the teens schooling? Or can they still attend the same school?

Thank you for your posts. I don’t like the area we are in, the only thing that I like about it are the good friends that are relatively nearby, but that does sound like a strange reason to stay, as they might move! Or split up or do something else with their lives. We are not all tethered here indefinitely.

I have many friends all over the place, but I am closest to my local ones. Virtually nothing would change is my best guess. We don’t have very much living family left, so friends are more important to me.

Option B feels right for us. Dc are happy for us to move, they could easily still see their friends, they will miss their childhood home though, but the running costs are just killing us slowly. Preventing all possible opportunities to do anything else with our lives due to the costs.

I’d go against the grain and say option A. Your partner will only need to work for 3 more years before retiring and you will still have money for bills and even holidays. You will get all the space you want in the area that you want. For me personally, I will be willing to sacrifice three years of working to get my dream house in my dream location.

Youngest dc will stay in same school yes. It would be just a house move.

B but keep your options open about the place overseas.
You might prefer to buy an investment flat near option C to rent out, ready for when the kids do work in London.

Ok I have just seen your update that you don’t actually like the area where you live now. If that is the case, then I don’t really see why you would want to stay there. My response above was assuming you like where you are.

Yes option b could mean we can help our dc when the time comes. Option A would remove all chance of that as we just couldn’t afford to.

Does B have public transport?

Option B

I don't think I've ever seen such clear consensus on a MN thread before!

Option B has joy (hobbie/pretty area), freedom (work & travel), slower pace for health and wellbeing. All not too far from friends too.

Option B. Do proper research if buying abroad, take the holiday goggles off!

Option A for me. Kids still young and likely to come home with the current economic climate, you are both young too so another 3 years working is nothing.

B. Reducing financial stress is everything. But I think you will have to go into it knowing that your friendships will change, and it may will be enough friction that some friendships will wither.

But you'll make new ones in that environment, give a bit of time.

@Longsummerdays25 your friends could announce they are moving tomorrow! Do what’s right for you.

Have you asked them if they’d still come for your occasional parties at home in the new place? Are there taxis/Uber that would allow everyone to have a drink (if that’s usually a feature?)

Honestly this is still a clear B. You say there are fewer reception rooms but also that you’re downsizing. So something’s got to give - and look at all you GAIN!

My friends are literally the only reason I would stay here and the fact I know the place so well. My heart does deflate a little imagining we would have another 20 years here or more though. I think I’m really bored with it, but feel too scared to leave or something.

We lived overseas extensively in the past, I’m not sure why it feels so hard these days! Maybe we are just getting old.

The way you’ve written it leads to choice B being the obvious one.

Oh my god, move then. Life is too short to live in a place you dislike if you can afford not to. Your friends will still be accessible.

B. It really comes across in how you describe it that this is where your heart is.

B without a second thought