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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that fellow holiday goer told me I'm too old for my hair?

367 replies

MoneyPieceNotMoneyShot · 18/03/2025 06:47

I'm rising 60 and have been obese all my life, have just got it under control, gone on a glow up and have decided to Fuuckit and I've headed off on my holiday of a lifetime.

I've spent most of today with another solo traveller and quite enjoyed her company, but am fully aware she's from a more forthright culture than me. (A close friend from home is also this nationality so I'm fully aware of this conversational style).

As we parted company she said that she felt she had to tell me that at my age I should be considering getting my hair cut to a more age appropriate length.

I fricking love my hair, my hairdresser has been with me through literal thick and thin, and had particularly encouraged me nurturing my length after The Bad Bad Bob Incident of October 23.

Low self confidence and self esteem through being morbidly obese for 30 years doesn't lend itself to resilience, so I'm now in my room trying to distract myself and win the day back to no avail.

Aibu to be upset or am I a soft numpty?

OP posts:
CatCaretaker · 18/03/2025 16:55

The only hairdo that's inappropriate for you is one you don't like! It's very very hard, but I hope her ridiculous comment doesn't ruin your newfound self confidence for you ❤

WearyAuldWumman · 18/03/2025 16:58

CatCaretaker · 18/03/2025 16:55

The only hairdo that's inappropriate for you is one you don't like! It's very very hard, but I hope her ridiculous comment doesn't ruin your newfound self confidence for you ❤

This is the perfect comment, CatCaretaker.

Devianinc · 18/03/2025 17:03

MoneyPieceNotMoneyShot · 18/03/2025 06:47

I'm rising 60 and have been obese all my life, have just got it under control, gone on a glow up and have decided to Fuuckit and I've headed off on my holiday of a lifetime.

I've spent most of today with another solo traveller and quite enjoyed her company, but am fully aware she's from a more forthright culture than me. (A close friend from home is also this nationality so I'm fully aware of this conversational style).

As we parted company she said that she felt she had to tell me that at my age I should be considering getting my hair cut to a more age appropriate length.

I fricking love my hair, my hairdresser has been with me through literal thick and thin, and had particularly encouraged me nurturing my length after The Bad Bad Bob Incident of October 23.

Low self confidence and self esteem through being morbidly obese for 30 years doesn't lend itself to resilience, so I'm now in my room trying to distract myself and win the day back to no avail.

Aibu to be upset or am I a soft numpty?

I have long hair and I met this girl at my friends party who spent the whole night telling me I should cut my hair short. Now , she has long hair too but not as long and as thick as mine so I just told her she should cut her hair short. She literally followed me around the whole night telling me I should cut my hair. What a weirdo. If I didn’t ask for your opinion don’t volunteer it. What a moron she was. It was a relief to get away from her. She was stalking me around the house. Most likely she wants your hair and can’t have it. Ignore her and what’s with the over 40 you have to have a bouffant coiffed hair. That’s ugly

ThisFluentOtter · 18/03/2025 17:08

Laughs in 43 year old with an undercut.
You do you. Just because she lacks the independence of thought to step outside her narrow view of what an 'age' should look like, she has absolutely no right to expect the same from you.
Get a mullet just to spite her.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 18/03/2025 18:39

Not saying I 100% believe it but I have heard of a psychological theory about women egging other women on to cut their hair?! https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S019188692300329X?via%3Dihub Could be bollocks but interesting anyway 🤣

Plumedenom · 18/03/2025 20:03

It's funny though, how these "forthright" cultures never have anything bloody nice to say. I think it's an excuse for bad behaviour. I have a Cuban and Lebanese friend and they both say super horrible things sometimes, but if I ever did the same to them I know they'd have paperthin skin. I think it's just being really insensitive and they are not right just because they think it, that's what I object to.

Masmavi · 18/03/2025 20:08

İt's just one opinion, it wasn't solicited and you can feel free to ignore it. Do you like your hair long? Then wear it long. As you said she's from a different culture I don't necessarily think it's jealousy, but it also could be that. And the idea that women have to cut their hair as they get older is just some made-up rule. My mum's friend had long hair into her 80s and it was her signature look (swept up at the back). You do you!.

WearyAuldWumman · 18/03/2025 20:11

Plumedenom · 18/03/2025 20:03

It's funny though, how these "forthright" cultures never have anything bloody nice to say. I think it's an excuse for bad behaviour. I have a Cuban and Lebanese friend and they both say super horrible things sometimes, but if I ever did the same to them I know they'd have paperthin skin. I think it's just being really insensitive and they are not right just because they think it, that's what I object to.

I had my internet language lesson for a Slavic language last week. The current topic is "Medical Matters".

Tutor: "You have nice teeth. Are they your own?"

"Yes, but the 4 of the top teeth are crowns."

"You have nice teeth for your years."

Well...she was being complimentary!

Devianinc · 18/03/2025 20:20

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 18/03/2025 18:39

Not saying I 100% believe it but I have heard of a psychological theory about women egging other women on to cut their hair?! https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S019188692300329X?via%3Dihub Could be bollocks but interesting anyway 🤣

That’s what it felt like. She wouldn’t stop.

Hankunamatata · 18/03/2025 20:28

Currently sporting hair i can sit on cutely because I havnt been arsed to get it cut and it's much easier to put up in nice styles.

BexAubs20 · 19/03/2025 09:16

She’s obviously jealous! Please work on your resilience/ self confidence so that if this happens again you are able to speak up and say thank you for your concern but f*ck right off

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2025 09:42

Why do people always trot out the same "she's jealous" rubbish here, and only when its a woman being awful?
This woman may be nasty and had no right to say that to OP but claiming her motivation was jealousy is a bit of a leap

echt · 19/03/2025 11:59

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2025 09:42

Why do people always trot out the same "she's jealous" rubbish here, and only when its a woman being awful?
This woman may be nasty and had no right to say that to OP but claiming her motivation was jealousy is a bit of a leap

Some people do this. Not people.

DraigCymraeg · 19/03/2025 15:07

MoneyPieceNotMoneyShot · 18/03/2025 06:47

I'm rising 60 and have been obese all my life, have just got it under control, gone on a glow up and have decided to Fuuckit and I've headed off on my holiday of a lifetime.

I've spent most of today with another solo traveller and quite enjoyed her company, but am fully aware she's from a more forthright culture than me. (A close friend from home is also this nationality so I'm fully aware of this conversational style).

As we parted company she said that she felt she had to tell me that at my age I should be considering getting my hair cut to a more age appropriate length.

I fricking love my hair, my hairdresser has been with me through literal thick and thin, and had particularly encouraged me nurturing my length after The Bad Bad Bob Incident of October 23.

Low self confidence and self esteem through being morbidly obese for 30 years doesn't lend itself to resilience, so I'm now in my room trying to distract myself and win the day back to no avail.

Aibu to be upset or am I a soft numpty?

Easy for me to say but please try and dismiss this person's comment. Your hairdresser has been taking care of your hair through some tough times. If she thought your hair an 'inappropriate' length don't you think she would have gently suggested a different look? I think you sound great and I bet you are beautiful. This fellow traveller is probably jealous, she is certainly bl**dy rude. Ignore her. xxx

CatLoco · 19/03/2025 15:26

You're nearly 60 not 100! Ignore it and enjoy your holiday

TicklishBeaker · 19/03/2025 15:33

MoneyPieceNotMoneyShot · 18/03/2025 06:47

I'm rising 60 and have been obese all my life, have just got it under control, gone on a glow up and have decided to Fuuckit and I've headed off on my holiday of a lifetime.

I've spent most of today with another solo traveller and quite enjoyed her company, but am fully aware she's from a more forthright culture than me. (A close friend from home is also this nationality so I'm fully aware of this conversational style).

As we parted company she said that she felt she had to tell me that at my age I should be considering getting my hair cut to a more age appropriate length.

I fricking love my hair, my hairdresser has been with me through literal thick and thin, and had particularly encouraged me nurturing my length after The Bad Bad Bob Incident of October 23.

Low self confidence and self esteem through being morbidly obese for 30 years doesn't lend itself to resilience, so I'm now in my room trying to distract myself and win the day back to no avail.

Aibu to be upset or am I a soft numpty?

I think your fellow travelers advice should have been kept to herself. She is obviously rude.
It may be that you are being sensitive still, and her rudeness got to you.
Your hair length is nothing to do with her. It's your hair and your business.
My hair is long too and I love it. Enjoy your hair. X

DanishPastry45 · 19/03/2025 15:35

Is your new mate Dutch, perhaps?

Mush62 · 19/03/2025 15:36

MoneyPieceNotMoneyShot · 18/03/2025 06:47

I'm rising 60 and have been obese all my life, have just got it under control, gone on a glow up and have decided to Fuuckit and I've headed off on my holiday of a lifetime.

I've spent most of today with another solo traveller and quite enjoyed her company, but am fully aware she's from a more forthright culture than me. (A close friend from home is also this nationality so I'm fully aware of this conversational style).

As we parted company she said that she felt she had to tell me that at my age I should be considering getting my hair cut to a more age appropriate length.

I fricking love my hair, my hairdresser has been with me through literal thick and thin, and had particularly encouraged me nurturing my length after The Bad Bad Bob Incident of October 23.

Low self confidence and self esteem through being morbidly obese for 30 years doesn't lend itself to resilience, so I'm now in my room trying to distract myself and win the day back to no avail.

Aibu to be upset or am I a soft numpty?

I'm 62 and have a no.1 all over otherwise I'd look like that twat Trump but without the orange skin, fuck what anybody thinks, go to a bar, have a drink and forget about it, at least you have hair, take your day back!!!

Oldlady62 · 19/03/2025 15:49

Obviously jealous

BlossomOfOrange · 19/03/2025 15:56

My mil likes to think she’s v stylish and I’m not and variously makes pa comments about what I’m wearing. It doesn’t affect me as I don’t rate her style judgement at allI.

Give this no attention!

Gela7 · 19/03/2025 15:57

You're definitely not being unreasonable. I'm rapidly approaching your age and have had my hair every colour under the sun! Having had surgery which meant my hair was shaved off, I now have the attitude that if you don't like what you've done with your hair, it will soon grow again! I've also had really terrible haircuts (hairdresser's mistake) and had experiences of a 'friend' making really hurtful & unnecessary comments. Ignore them.
It's YOUR hair and it's YOUR life and you should do exactly what makes YOU happy! Fuck everyone else!

Tiredandfrazzledmum · 19/03/2025 15:57

I had a friend comment on the hair of a girl similar age to us:

What's she doing with hair that length at her age?

We were 28 at the time 🤣 I wonder what she thinks of my hair now - very long in my 40s

People will always have different preferences to us but it is only their preferences. The fact they choose to voice them does not make them accurate.

Enjoy your holiday and don't let anyone steal your sunshine!

Eyerollexpert · 19/03/2025 16:12

Try"I camn always change my hair but you're stuck with you ugly mug"

You do you solidarity with longer hair at 60.😍

Chattie89 · 19/03/2025 16:26

Was she Dutch? They are so blunt sometimes it's shockingly rude.

Don't let it bother you, she sounds like a knob! Some people seem to think everyone wants their stupid, nasty opinions. A guy I worked with briefly once asked me totally out of the blue why I'd chosen the shortened version of my name that I had, because it was so childish! (Think Susie, instead of Sue or Suzanne) I was genuinely speechless and being very young I just laughed it off. Still regret not telling him to fuck off 2 decades later.

Congrats on your weight loss!

HevenlyMeS · 19/03/2025 16:46

Please take no notice of this female She's most likely really envious of your beautiful hair & jealous that she can't grow her hair like yours, or envious of your hair just being much more attractive than hers
You love your hair & this is all that matters - Bet she does too, but enviousness just simply got the best of her - Long hair is feminine, soft & attractive whatever your age & 60 isn't old anyway
Please please please, be true to yourself - Maintain your luxurious lovely locks & I would so love to tell her to stop being jealous & focus on her own appearance 🤗