To think you don’t do someone a favour and then charge them?

[GladReader]

I had to take DS to London for a hospital appointment today. A friend offered to have my daughter and I graciously accepted

My friend was unwell on the day. However, she insisted her mum would take my daughter (her granddaughter is in the same class). I’ve briefly met her a few times and know she works in a school. She was insisting it was absolutely fine and that her little girl was looking forward to it, so I said that would be much appreciated

To cut a long short short, I collected my daughter and thanks the grandmother. Said I was extremely grateful. She told me DD had a wonderful time and showed me some lovely pictures of them having fun

As a generally British and polite sentence filler, I said ‘How much do I owe you?’

She, straight face, said ‘Call it £70. That’s for the food, play and teddy. It would’ve been cheaper but they had a look round Build A Bear and it did add up’

She didn’t look like she was joking. I said ‘You’ll have to send me your bank details’ and she nodded, changing the subject.

AIBU not to follow up if she doesn’t ask again?

I have tried asking DD (5) but she isn’t very verbal so can’t really articulate much. There is a bear here with a princess dress on, complete with slippers! And DD says she had chips and fries (yes, I know I know, they’re the same).

This was all very rushed and I know some may judge that I left DD like this - But I would’ve had to cancel DS’s appointment if I didn’t accept and it’s too much drama when it comes to GOSH

No. She already was having her granddaughter; she can entertain her anyway she likes. oP’s daughter was a last-minute add-on. When that’s the case, one falls in with existing plans or finds another solution.

I feel for OP because she was hardly cadging free childcare so she could nip off to the spa; her son had a hospital appointment. She was between a rock and a hard place. But everyone seems to have been doing their best. Lesson learned.

Yes but you're missing out the part where OP thought they were going to the park and then having dinner.

No mention of build a bear

If grandmother's entire plans with granddaughter had revolved around an expensive activity you'd think
A - she would have mentioned this at the point what they were doing for the day was discussed
B - She should have asked for money at the time "I'm happy to take X too but I was planning to take dad to build a bear, just to make you aware so X doesn't feel left out. Unless OP wants to give me the money for X to get one too of course ."

Not get carried away playing generous benefactor then ask for a refund!

If you read the quote history you'll see that was literally my entire point

Granny shouldn't have ever spent so much money but the moment OP specifically said she owed it the amount was moot - you can't accept you owe money then be shocked when you're asked to pay it. If OP HADNT phrased it that way then granny could jog on asking for it.

Very weird that you offered to pay her and even weirder that she said yes. I think you do need to pay her now though, if she follows up.

It all seems to have happened in a rush with the friend unexpectedly being ill. I doubt granny appreciated her day with her granddaughter horned in on. She didn’t owe OP anything let alone adherence to a rigid plan.

Those who don’t appreciate childcare favours are free to make other plans next time.

Has the op been back yet? Please come back and tell us what your friend said about it all.

Really odd that she spent so much money in build a bear and didn’t ask you. I would never be so presumptuous. For all she knows you’re on the bones of your arse and can’t afford that.

in these circumstances, if she was willing to have your daughter she should have tailored/altered her day to accommodate or explained the build a bear situation. I’d have refused my child to have one given how expensive they are (and they were birthday treats in our house)

I'd just send the money for the ever and say "thanks again here is £30 for the bear" and if she asks for more reply saying sorry but you should have asked before spending £70 on a few hours as you hadn't budgeted that

Yes, the granny was unreasonable to go to a soft play, get fast food and allow a 5 year old to build a £40 teddy bear and choose accessories without checking with you or discussing budget first.

It isn't a British filler sentence to ask someone how much you owe them. I wouldn't say this and noone has ever said it to me for watching their kids for an hour or two while they did errands/had to work.

Next time, collect DD with a bunch of flowers or a cheap box of chocolates and say "thank you so much, I really appreciate you doing me this favour, here are some flowers/chocs for you" rather than saying "how much do I owe you?"

@InvisibilityCloakActivated
But this wasn't OP's friend; it was the friend's mother and she had the child for the whole day.
I think it's reasonable to ask "do I owe you anything?"

Its reasonable for Granny to ask for OPs budget before going to Build-a-Bear!

Going by the OP's updates, it seems the Granny offered to have her daughter via WhatsApp and said it was a playdate at the park with food at home afterwards. To unilaterally decide to take them to an expensive toy shop and "treat" the children to £70 of bear/bear accessories and food out is quite shocking. Fair enough if she was a nanny or childminder and OP had solicited her professional services, but to offer a playdate and charge £70 is very unreasonable.

Agree it was weird to ask what you owe her if you weren’t expecting to contribute anything. She was only taking your lead and perhaps didn’t know what the terms of the arrangement even were, given she was doing this at short notice on behalf of her DD.

I would pay her the £70 if she sends bank details, if she doesn’t, leave it.

The grandmother gave up her time, effort and convenience to look after a young child for the sake of a mum (whom she didn’t know well) who was taking a child to hospital. She spent more than was intended, but we all know that is easily done once you take children into any kind of commercial leisure environment.

Her intentions were good, the little girls were safe and I don’t think St Peter will be turning her away from Heaven when her time comes!