To think you don’t do someone a favour and then charge them?

[GladReader]

I had to take DS to London for a hospital appointment today. A friend offered to have my daughter and I graciously accepted

My friend was unwell on the day. However, she insisted her mum would take my daughter (her granddaughter is in the same class). I’ve briefly met her a few times and know she works in a school. She was insisting it was absolutely fine and that her little girl was looking forward to it, so I said that would be much appreciated

To cut a long short short, I collected my daughter and thanks the grandmother. Said I was extremely grateful. She told me DD had a wonderful time and showed me some lovely pictures of them having fun

As a generally British and polite sentence filler, I said ‘How much do I owe you?’

She, straight face, said ‘Call it £70. That’s for the food, play and teddy. It would’ve been cheaper but they had a look round Build A Bear and it did add up’

She didn’t look like she was joking. I said ‘You’ll have to send me your bank details’ and she nodded, changing the subject.

AIBU not to follow up if she doesn’t ask again?

I have tried asking DD (5) but she isn’t very verbal so can’t really articulate much. There is a bear here with a princess dress on, complete with slippers! And DD says she had chips and fries (yes, I know I know, they’re the same).

This was all very rushed and I know some may judge that I left DD like this - But I would’ve had to cancel DS’s appointment if I didn’t accept and it’s too much drama when it comes to GOSH

I would never ask a friend ‘how much do I owe you’ if they had voluntarily offered to look after my child in these circumstances.
I wouldn’t expect anyone to be paying me in the same circumstances either.
Mind you, I wouldn’t take that child out and spend £70 without asking either! What a weird thing to do.

I wouldn’t pay. If she texts just say that you wasn’t expecting it to be that much and was only offering to reimburse for food. Happy to return the bear but thought friend had offered as a favor due to circumstances some people!

Yeah but those people aren't buying build a bears. The princess dresses alone are usually £15.

I'm assuming there was another child there and your child was fitted in with the existing plans.

Give the bloody bear back that's mad. A tenner for lunch. The rest was her choice to spend

I can't get my head round spending £70 of what was effectively someone else's money without any sort of checking in with them/up front agreement. If I had someone else's kids and decided to take them for something nice but unnecessary I'd view that as my choice and my expense.

As a generally British and polite sentence filler, I said ‘How much do I owe you?’

This is not a "general polite sentence filler", it's a request for the bill. No one asks for a bill if they think someone was doing them a favour.

Sorry this is on you but I think you've been taken advantage of.

So granny took the girls on a day out and this involved treats and a build a bear.
It's a bit unusual but you don't know what your friend said to gran to do and maybe gran felt like she needed to do something a bit more special givne the circumstances
It doesn't sound like she's wanting you to pay for time but for the costs incurred. If she sends you the bank details you can double check the costs again, maybe saying "how much was bear and food again?"
But you can't refuse or return the bear . You'll have to just accept it and chalk up to experience

Why did you ask how much you owed?

It's tricky because you didn't know this woman or what she was expecting to happen. I think I would pay up this time to avoid it being awkward for your friend, but avoid accepting free childcare from anyone you don't know personally in future.

I'd never say "how much do I owe you?" Unless I actually thought I owed someone some money so think you're obliged to pay now you've offered.

If your DD has a build a bear box then I would ask now much I owed, as it’s not like you’re offering childcare costs, but reimbursement. Not great she spent that much, maybe she was going to suck it up, but then you asked her what you owed. I wouldn’t have spent that amount in the first place.

You literally offered to pay, which tbh was weird. Never heard anyone use that as a convo filler.

What did you actually agree to?
Originally, your friend was going to watch your daughter. Did she say she would take her out for food and activities or just watch her at home?

Then, when she couldn’t and her mum took over the job, what was agreed? Did she say she was taking the girls out for the day and did you agree to it?

The only time I would ever ask what I owed someone, is if I agreed beforehand that they were going out but usually, I’d give money over beforehand.

Or did you think the girls were just hanging out at home?

If you knew about the day out, then you should really have agreed spending money beforehand but you’re a little stuck now. If you didn’t know anything about them going out for the day then that’s really poor of the mum to spend that much. Maybe send a message to your friend saying you’re a little taken aback as you didn’t know they were going to build a bear and you wouldn’t have spent that much on a teddy/don’t have the money spare etc.

She's bumped you. View these people with suspicion

She stepped in to help you out when her daughter was last minute unable so you could still get to the hospital appointment. She took the kids for a nice day out. Build a Bear is a fucking rip off, probably £50 for that by the time they picked dresses and shoes, let alone anything else they did. I doubt she wanted to say no. Expensive as it is, pay up, chalk it up to experience. The grandmother shouldn't end up out of pocket.

Tbh the bear could have cost £50

There are three people (four if you count the child) involved in this situation: your friend, her mom and you. And each of one them had their own expectations of how this favour should be played out.
It is bizarre that this woman decided to buy a Build A Bear out of the blue for a child she is supposed to be looking after. Then again, yes, I do think that given that this is a new toy your child now has, you should pay for it.
Another different scenario would be if she demanded money for the time spent looking after the child. That would have been ridiculous.

Simply give back the bear.

You can’t return a build a bear that’s already been built…
And op has presumably already paid her neighbour’s Mum, so it’s too late to make it her problem.
She should have done this at the time.

You are unreasonable because you asked her how much you owe! But she was unreasonable to spend so much money on your dd without checking with you first. The bear alone will have been £40-50

Return it to the granny who had no permission to buy it. And don’t pay her for it.

As a generally British and polite sentence filler, I said ‘How much do I owe you?’

£70 is expensive but its less expensive than an emergency babysitter would have been, even if you had been able to find someone.

Plus it sounds to me like she's spend £70 each on the girls - batshit in my opinion - but I don't think that shes trying to pull a fast one.

So, on that basis, I would pay and definitely don't ask her to do it again!

I’m assuming this happened after school as you say the girls are in the same class?
I’d be expecting a trip to the park and tea at home for a few hours rather than dinner out and a shopping trip! Extremely costly for a miscommunication error. I’d be annoyed, but maybe she was trying to be extra for your daughter given her sibling was visiting the hospital?

Where do you live? "How much do I owe you" is 100% not a sentence filler round here 😂

She is unreasonable for expecting you to pay for Build A Bear.