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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH finally said he will think about us getting a cat after 15 years of me wanting one

129 replies

SpottyDottyMoon · 17/03/2025 19:40

DH has always, I’ve felt, dangled the possibility of us getting a cat like a carrot and stick. I adore cats and have wanted one for many years, wanted our children to grow up with pets.

He’s always said things like “when I can prove I could look after it” and that he would probably end up looking after it and I wouldn’t bother with it, like I would completely ignore it or not feed it.

He’s also said stuff like “when I prove I can keep a tidy and organised house he might think about it”

He doesn’t like cats or animals in general which is fine but now all of a sudden he’s decided he’s ready to “think about” getting a cat after 15 years of my asking, trying to talk him around, our children begging for one and now I’ve given up on the idea! I basically would rather get one on my own terms and not have someone dangling the possibility just slightly out of reach for years.

Every needs to be on board too surely? He’s now put out that I won’t discuss this anymore and says I probably never wanted one in the first place!

OP posts:
SometimesCalmPerson · 17/03/2025 19:42

He wants something and he wants you to agree to it.

OrangeKettle · 17/03/2025 19:44

When you can prove yourself? Are you a child? He’s treating you like one!

KTSl1964 · 17/03/2025 19:44

Why does he get the final say?

Mumofteenandtween · 17/03/2025 19:45

Your husband is a dickhead.

AmyDudley · 17/03/2025 19:45

Why are you wasting your time with a condecending twat who talks to you as if you are a silly incompetant child?
If he wants a tidy organised house he can tidy and organise the house himself surely.
If you want a cat get one, if he doesn't like it he can leave. Cats are considerably nicer to have around than arrogant controlling men.

NoWayNoandNever · 17/03/2025 19:45

Just get a cat. You’re an adult.

Devianinc · 17/03/2025 19:46

Just get a cat and ignore him. I was told not to get a dog once so I got 2 instead. I loved those dogs.

Littletreefrog · 17/03/2025 19:46

Why are you still with someone that thinks saying those things to his wife is appropriate you are his equal not a small child who needs to prove she is responsible.

Raquelos · 17/03/2025 19:46

Jesus, he sounds awful. Leave the controlling dickhead husband and live your life blissfully as a full-on cat lady 😻

Butterflyfern · 17/03/2025 19:46

Sounds like a manipulative twat who is only saying he is considering one because you've given up on the idea. He likes the control it gives him

Pippa12 · 17/03/2025 19:48

God! When you prove to him??? Wtaf? Do you not ‘look after’ your kids!? Your husband sounds like a right one!

However, don’t get a cat! We got a cat, plucked the carpets and sofas to high heaven! Absolutely ruined the house! Then broke all our hearts by belting out into the road and got run over. Disaster!

VioletVX · 17/03/2025 19:48

YABU for still being in a relationship with someone so sexist, controlling and patronising, who clearly thinks your only purpose in life is to clean his house.
Where is your self respect?

Why have you allowed him to treat you this way for over a decade? What example are you setting for your children? I really hope you don’t have any daughters who’ve grown up in that house, thinking that their father treating their mother like a child is normal.

Zanatdy · 17/03/2025 19:49

I’d leave him first and then get the cat. What disgusting comments he’s made over the years about it

HarperStern · 17/03/2025 19:49

I think you should replace him with a cat

AndrinaAdamosballetshoes · 17/03/2025 19:49

So you have children but have to prove to your lord and master you can look after a cat? And you have to prove you can keep a tidy and organised home?Honestly all these threads recently where men treat their wives as if it was Victorian times, it’s getting worse on here. Get a cat and get rid of your nob of a husband.

Crazycatlady79 · 17/03/2025 19:50

He sounds critical of you.
How very gracious of him to have said in the past that he'd consider it if you were able to "prove" yourself on a number of fronts?!
Cat issues aside, I hope he's good for you.
If not, replace him with a male Bengal!

GuevarasBeret · 17/03/2025 19:50

SometimesCalmPerson · 17/03/2025 19:42

He wants something and he wants you to agree to it.

No, he wants her to want it so that he can veto it.

He sounds absolutely ghastly.

amylou8 · 17/03/2025 19:51

Get rid of him and get a cat (or 3). You will be so much happier not living with this condescending, manipulative idiot.

TitusMoan · 17/03/2025 19:51

Do you remember getting married to this person? Do you remember the day? Did you think that you were going to be treated like a small child by someone who promised to love and honour you? This man is a nasty, horrible piece of work. Split from him and get a cat. Get two cats. You’ll be so much happier.

RedCatBlueCatYellowCat · 17/03/2025 19:52

The number of threads over the years where the husband has got a cat without agreement, and MN rips him apart. Everyone in the household needs to be onboard before getting a pet.

More of an issue is how unpleasant he has been about it. Using it as a weapon. I couldn't live with someone who did that.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 17/03/2025 19:52

I would get rid of your husband and get two cats.

sorechalfonts · 17/03/2025 19:53

He is a massive C**T
cats are perfect
make the sensible choice, the cat won’t need viagara - just dreamiea and cuddles and it really is wholesome and unconditional love

jasmine465 · 17/03/2025 19:53

AmyDudley · 17/03/2025 19:45

Why are you wasting your time with a condecending twat who talks to you as if you are a silly incompetant child?
If he wants a tidy organised house he can tidy and organise the house himself surely.
If you want a cat get one, if he doesn't like it he can leave. Cats are considerably nicer to have around than arrogant controlling men.

Absolutely this

strangecarinroad · 17/03/2025 19:53

Seriously you took that for 15 years???? Most women would have replaced him with a cat years ago.
Cats are better company then men.
Just go and get yourself a cat and be happy then consider if you would be happier living alone with the cat?
Hint the cat will always agree with your choice of TV programme!

TitusMoan · 17/03/2025 19:53

Husbands like this need to suddenly drop dead. This is so upsetting. OP, you do not deserve this.