DH finally said he will think about us getting a cat after 15 years of me wanting one

[SpottyDottyMoon]

DH has always, I’ve felt, dangled the possibility of us getting a cat like a carrot and stick. I adore cats and have wanted one for many years, wanted our children to grow up with pets.

He’s always said things like “when I can prove I could look after it” and that he would probably end up looking after it and I wouldn’t bother with it, like I would completely ignore it or not feed it.

He’s also said stuff like “when I prove I can keep a tidy and organised house he might think about it”

He doesn’t like cats or animals in general which is fine but now all of a sudden he’s decided he’s ready to “think about” getting a cat after 15 years of my asking, trying to talk him around, our children begging for one and now I’ve given up on the idea! I basically would rather get one on my own terms and not have someone dangling the possibility just slightly out of reach for years.

Every needs to be on board too surely? He’s now put out that I won’t discuss this anymore and says I probably never wanted one in the first place!

I wouldn't get a cat until you've got rid of him.

Just come home with a cat OP.

There’s a lot more that is worrying here, than cats. How can you put up with a man who treats you so badly?

My husband would have said ‘when you can prove….’ Like I’m a fucking 10 year old once and the cat would have been taking up his pog on the bed.

Agreed.

Controlling arsehole. Life is way too short for this bollocks.

I wanted a dog, my husband said no, I got a dog, I wanted a second cat, my husband said no, I got a second cat. I kept my husband, you should rehome yours.

I do think it should be a mutual agreement to get a pet but the way he talks to you is awful “prove you can keep a tidy house” wtf?

I'd have slung him out years ago. How dare he be so patronising and misogynistic. He sounds like your dad not s husband. What a prick. Is he generally cruel and patronising to you. I. Always astonished by what women will put yp with.
Both my cats are sitting on my lap purring and my house is a mess
It's also shedding season so there is cat hair everywhere. But I don't care. I love them.

What a deeply unpleasant man. He talks to you like a child and clearly believes he's the Lord and master in the house. Not sure how you've tolerated that for years in all honesty. The reason he's brought the cat up now is you've stopped mentioning it so he thinks a little bit of his power has slipped. If you agree you want one, I bet the 'when you can prove...' comments start up again. The only way you'll get a cat is if you go out and get one. But I'd get rid of your H first as having something you love in the house will increase his power over you.

The cat is irrelevant. The man is controlling and a misogynist.

Treat your teenager to a happy home for the final years of their childhood, and show them that such terrible men are not to be (further) tolerated.

I wouldn't trust him not to abuse it. That's not a good idea at all.

As has been said, he is an arrogant, controlling pig. He only wants one now because you have given up on getting one. And 'when you prove you can look after it?!' WTF? Firstly, you can't prove you can look after a cat until you get one. Secondly, who the fucking hell does he think he is?

What does this man actually bring to your life @SpottyDottyMoon >>??? He sounds vile.

Sorry OP but if my DH had spoken to me in such a patronising and condescending manner, I'd have told him to fuck off a long time ago! He sounds awful. I'd get rid of him and then get a cat (or several!)

Get a cat and name it after your favourite ex so that in front of your hideous husband you can speak to the cat saying, "I love you Martin, you're so gorgeous!"

Whilst I agree that getting a pet is a family decision, he’s infantilised you to the point where you think its acceptable to have your partner - with whom you share a home, a family and equal adult responsibilities - talk to you in a way that reduces you to a four year old with a fucking star chart. He may give you a cat sticker if you don’t wet the bed two nights in a row, or finish all your vegetables.

Keep a tidy home, wifey, and remember to feed the kids and he may - may - trust you with a little kitten of your own, you lucky, lucky girl!

I mean … unless you’re literally so incompetent you can’t breathe and walk at the same time, he’s a fucking arsehole, isn’t he?

This. Once you have the cat he will be able to use it to control and manipulate you even more.

He sounds a right twat. Get a cat, in fact get several cats and get rid of him. Cats are far better company than condescending idiots like your "D" H.

Well he pretty much makes out that I’m that incompetent. What makes my blood boil the most is when he says how I rely on him for everything which is bull shit! I don’t. I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, all life admin, school admin, childcare, booking stuff for the family yet he makes out that I rely on him for everything. The one thing he can do that I can’t is drive. His favourite phrase - he has to do everything for everybody. Everyone is utterly useless except him. He says that about his job too , they are all useless and he has to do everything for everyone. Doesn’t trust anyone not to fuck things up so he takes over.

Is he your dad?

I have replaced two husbands with two dogs and wish I'd listened to my gut 25 years ago. Never been happier 😄

This ^
He’s told you this because your children are older and he run out with holds over you so he is dangling the cat-carrot. He is controlling prick.
Don’t get cat with him. He doesn’t deserve happiness cat can bring.
Leave him and enjoy life.

Yes he has infantilised me - says good girl! I correct him and say don’t call me a girl and I’m too sensitive apparently.

Please leave him. You don't even need to get a cat, just a life away from the fun sponge.

Tell him as since you're so incompetent you don't want to make his life a misery so you're filing for divorce.

Oh god, just leave him.